I decided to go into the first cafe I saw. I ordered a super sweet drink I’d had once before and sat down.
It was a kind of cover charge, but I also ordered it to change my mood, yet even after taking a large sip, I strangely couldn’t taste anything.
It had definitely been excessively sweet before.
It was unlikely the taste had changed drastically so quickly, so it must have been my problem.
I sighed. I sank into the chair and closed my eyes.
‘I really have to leave the house, don’t I?’
When I came out, Taewhan had said it. He said, ‘If I start looking like a man to you, then leave.’
Loving him, feeling sexual attraction for him, means seeing him as a ‘man.’
So… I must leave.
Just moments ago, when we were kissing, it was true.
I must have turned into a pervert.
I wanted him to touch my body even while we were kissing.
How utterly shameless.
‘I wish I hadn’t known anything at all…’
If I had been like a hothouse flower trapped in the hospital, knowing nothing… if I hadn’t known about ‘love’—not to mention kissing or sex—would I have been free of this agony?
“No…”
I stopped my pouting thoughts and opened my eyes.
If I hadn’t known, I would have just suffered in silence.
Honestly, I might have loved Taewhan for a much longer time, and I’ve only just realized it now.
And… knowing is better than not knowing.
Even if this love failed, I wanted to sort out my feelings myself rather than being vaguely swept along until the end.
Both Taewhan and my feelings for him are too precious.
The sooner I confess, the better, but when would be the right time?
- Drrrrr.
I was staring blankly at the ceiling when I was startled by the sudden vibration.
Could it be ‘Gray Coat’?
I wasn’t at all ready to answer him yet.
[MyFriendTaewhan: Where are you? Is the date going well?]
“Ah.”
It was Taewhan.
The moment I saw his name, my heart plummeted, and my entire body felt a tingling jolt, making it impossible to look away.
I hadn’t even seen him in person, just a message, so why was I reacting like this?
At this point, I truly couldn’t understand myself.
I liked him this much, so why didn’t I know?
Even if my long hospital stay made me a frog in a well, ignorant of the world, this was about my own feelings.
I should have just looked inward a little more.
‘…He knew I was on a date today.’
Was he paying attention to me in his own way?
If so, I would be truly happy.
[MyFriendTaewhan: Why are you not answering after reading it?]
[MyFriendTaewhan: Where are you right now?]
[MyFriendTaewhan: Jehee. I’m worried.]
[MyFriendTaewhan: Can I call you?]
I only didn’t reply for a very short time, but he must have gotten anxious.
The messages were coming in rapidly.
Each message was filled with his concern for me, and watching them made me feel so good, like I was floating.
It felt like Taewhan had finally returned to his old self.
Not the indifferent Taewhan who didn’t care that I was kissing and even planning to have sex with someone else, but the Taewhan who would rush in with fire in his eyes for even the most trivial matter concerning me.
However, I wasn’t mentally prepared yet, so I wanted to avoid a call right now.
I wasn’t sure what to say, and my voice would certainly sound suspicious.
I quickly started typing a message.
[Me: I]
[Me: I’m near home]
[Me: Cafe]
[Me: I’ll be home soon]
I expected follow-up questions like ‘Where nearby?’ or ‘Who are you with?’, so I quickly snapped a picture of the drink I was having and sent it.
A single drink on the table.
And clearly a drink that suited my taste.
The clever Taewhan would know I was drinking the sweet beverage alone.
I was about to send another message telling him to wait a moment, but Taewhan was faster.
[MyFriendTaewhan: I know where it is.]
[MyFriendTaewhan: I’ll come there.]
My mouth dropped open involuntarily.
A flustered sound escaped me.
“Ah, he can’t…”
The cup didn’t have the shop name on it, and it wasn’t a regular cafe for us, so how did he know?
I frantically sent a message telling him not to come, but the read receipt didn’t disappear, suggesting he had already left.
No, I avoided his call, and he’s coming in person?
I was so panicky that my mind went blank.
Should I run, should I run away?
My butt started twitching, but what would running away accomplish?
Things would only get worse or, at the very least, drag on indefinitely.
I had shouted at Taewhan that avoiding dialogue wouldn’t solve anything, so I shouldn’t do the same.
Running away for the past few days was enough.
I clenched my fists and decided to sit tight.
Every second felt like an ordeal, and my body involuntarily cowered like a guilty person, but I tried my best to concentrate only on how to resolve the situation with a calm expression.
…Though my immense anxiety meant I didn’t succeed very well.
“Jehee!”
Yet, the moment I heard Taewhan’s voice, the bright sun rose in my mind, and all other thoughts vanished.
“Ah…”
I turned my head startled, and our eyes met instantly. He broke into a wide smile the moment he saw me.
It was very unusual for Taewhan to call out my name so loudly in a place like this.
Not Cha Taeyang, but Taewhan, deliberately doing something to draw attention.
He draws attention even when he’s still, given his striking looks, even if the cafe wasn’t crowded.
“Who is that? He’s so handsome.”
“Wow, he’s seriously good-looking. Does he live around here?”
Sure enough, his loud voice drew people’s attention, and they remained fixed on him.
It felt like the entire cafe was talking about Taewhan.
Yet, Taewhan didn’t spare a single glance for anyone else.
He was looking only at me, and I could do nothing but wait for him to reach my side, as if I were pinned down by his gaze.
“Why are you here? What about the date?”
The man, as large as a wall, naturally lowered his posture to meet my eyes when he reached my side.
I was reflected in his clear brown eyes, and there was no doubt that those eyes were focused only on me, without the slightest hint of wavering.
……He was cruelly adorable.
‘What do I do?’
I like Taewhan too much.
Why didn’t I realize it until now?
I couldn’t understand myself.
From head to toe, his voice, body heat, gestures—everything about Im Taewhan was special.
Was it because a person like this was the only one in the world?
Was I unable to feel his specialness because he was too familiar, and his preciousness was just a given in my life?
But now I knew.
If there was one person I would give myself to, one person with whom dirty acts were possible, it was definitely Taewhan.
My lips finally managed to part.
Submerged in Taewhan’s clear brown eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to lie, so I decided to speak one of the truths.
“……Because I missed you.”
“Then why aren’t you at home and here instead?”
“I missed you… but I was scared to see you, so I couldn’t go home.”
“What is it? Did you do something wrong to me?”
“That’s… not it…”
“Tell me honestly. I’ll forgive you if you tell me now.”
“……It’s really not. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Liking him isn’t a sin, and I’m simply loving someone worthy of being loved.
In the midst of all this, I felt so unbearably fond of Taewhan that my chest was filled to the point of bursting with my affection, and it was excruciating.
I was about to look down, worried that he might notice my feelings if I kept meeting his gaze, but Taewhan suddenly caressed my cheek and smiled.
“Jehee, you look especially handsome today. Your date must have loved it.”
……I didn’t know if I should be thankful that this sharp kid hadn’t quickly noticed my feelings, or if I should resent him for striking a blow to my already struggling heart.
My lips trembled.
“Please… don’t say things like that…”
“Okay. I won’t ask about the date. You can tell me when you want to. Let’s go home, Jehee. Hmm?”
Taewhan tilted his head slightly, almost like he was being cute, and he was so incredibly adorable that I instinctively squeezed the hand he offered me.
As we walked home, holding Taewhan’s hand, we didn’t exchange any significant words, but I was constantly talking to him in my head.
I was telling him that I liked him so, so much, that I loved him, and that I would confess everything soon, even though it wasn’t the right time yet.
Now that I had realized it, I understood perfectly how much I liked him.
The feeling had been growing slowly, like an ice crystal absorbing morning dew, without my awareness for a long time, and it was now completely filling my chest.
And since I’ve always been poor at lying, especially to Taewhan, and the only intentional lie I’d ever told resulted in the worst outcome in my entire life.
“Taewhan, I think I’m in love with you.”
It might have been the most natural progression that I couldn’t hold back my feelings for even half a day before blurting them out.
