I don’t remember what I was thinking while I showered.
When I came to my senses, I was on Taewhan’s bed.
I wasn’t alone, of course.
Taewhan, who had also just showered and was still damp, was looking down at me as I leaned against the headboard.
Beyond his face… my gaze was inevitably drawn to the open front of his loosely worn bathrobe.
Taewhan’s body was truly the ideal hero itself, and I kept staring at it distractedly.
It wasn’t that I was looking with impure intentions, but given the circumstances, I forced my head to turn away in an attempt to be modest.
Then Taewhan cupped both of my cheeks.
“There are two conditions.”
“Oh… conditions?”
“If even one condition applies, don’t leave. Continue living with me.”
“What kind of…”
Is he setting conditions? He’s so thorough.
For me, I wondered if he really needed to be this strict with conditions.
While we were talking about ‘trying to have sex,’ the possibility of it ending after just a kiss was likely, wasn’t it?
I have feelings for Taewhan, but it’s not something that can happen just because I want it to.
But Taewhan’s gaze was too serious.
I suppressed a sigh and nodded.
“I understand for now. What are the conditions?”
“If you say the word ‘stop,’ I will stop. Immediately, no matter what I’m doing. If it becomes unbearable, say it right away. But if you stop, that’s the end of it. We won’t try again, and you’ll simply have failed the proof.”
“Hmm.”
Ending it with just one word seems like a somewhat tricky condition.
No matter how much I like Taewhan, sex is a first for me, and I might say something random out of embarrassment or reflex because it feels so good.
Although I didn’t plan on going all the way, if he was setting conditions, I wanted to ensure they were as favorable to me as possible, or at least not disadvantageous, considering the slight chance that things might get complicated.
No matter how firm my feelings were, I still didn’t know much about this act, and there might be adult acts I didn’t know about, so I might act unexpectedly if I got too surprised.
“Um… I just have to avoid saying ‘stop,’ right? It doesn’t apply to things like, ‘Just a moment,’ or, ‘No,’ does it?”
“No. Only ‘stop’ applies. I won’t quit or say anything if you say other words.”
“…I understand for now. What’s the other one? I need to hear it to make a decision.”
“The second one is: don’t close your eyes, and look at me. You shouldn’t turn away from the fact that your partner is me. Otherwise, it has no meaning.”
“Ugh…”
This was a more difficult condition than I had anticipated.
Don’t close my eyes?
And look at his face the entire time?
Honestly, I’m not confident.
It was hard enough to look at Taewhan’s face when he was touching me below, and the afterimage of his face when… he was sucking me was distressing for a while…
But… I suppose it would be hard for him to believe I liked him if I didn’t even look at him.
This much I should endure.
Even if it’s embarrassing…
I need to make this point clear, though.
“I understand. But it’s the same for you. If you stop before I say ‘stop,’ it’s over. And you can’t look away from me, either. That’s fair.”
Perhaps he didn’t expect me to be so firm.
Taewhan hesitated.
When I held out my pinky, he finally nodded and quietly answered.
“……Alright.”
We sealed the promise with a pinky swear.
The problem was… after all the enthusiastic negotiation of conditions, my body suddenly tensed up severely from anxiety as we were about to begin.
Taewhan must have felt the same, as he didn’t speak readily either.
The silence dragged on, with Taewhan awkwardly positioned over me on the bed, and the air itself seemed to become heavy.
In the midst of this, I felt guilty for constantly looking at his body and was about to lower my gaze, but Taewhan’s hand touched my cheek.
The reminder that I had to look at him while we were doing it flashed in my mind, and I abruptly raised my head, meeting his eyes.
His clear brown eyes were filled entirely with me.
His face was red, as if it would burst. It was the clear face of someone in love.
…Though the person being loved doesn’t seem to know it yet.
“We’ll start with a kiss.”
“W-Wait. Can I close my eyes even while kissing?”
“……It’s fine once our lips touch.”
“Okay.”
…That’s a relief.
I knew very well this wasn’t happening in sincerity and that it might end quickly, but for me, it was still a kiss with the person I loved, and I didn’t want to do it with my eyes wide open.
I wasn’t sure I could endure it without closing my eyes, either.
“Ah…”
That said, I might have the wrong posture.
Taewhan’s thick arms were gripping the headboard, creating a cage-like shape over me, and the pressure was immense.
Two arms on either side, Taewhan’s large body right in front, and a dead-end wall right behind.
To have to look at his face in this state… my heart, which had settled down, started beating loudly again.
‘I-I want to run away.’
I want to push Taewhan away with all my strength and go to my own space, like my room.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want him, or that I didn’t want to do this anymore.
On the contrary, I wanted it too much, and it was overwhelming.
But… this might be Taewhan’s strategy.
Like a beast slowly circling its prey, causing tension to drain its strength, he might be trying to slowly pressure me with his body to get what he wants.
Since I had no intention of letting him have his way, I had to surprise him. So.
- Smooch.
“Ugh.”
Instead of waiting for Taewhan to approach, I reached out my arms, hugged his neck, and slammed my lips into his.
I was conscious of the rule not to close my eyes, and I kept them open to confirm the position of his lips.
But the moment our lips touched, I witnessed Taewhan’s eyes widen in surprise, and I felt so instantly embarrassed that I pressed my lips into his again with a wet chwop sound, just to close my eyes for a brief moment.
- Thump. Thump. Thump.
That much was fine, but it was hard to open my eyes again.
This wasn’t the first time our lips met, but my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest.
It took a desperate effort to open my eyes and face Taewhan with as calm an expression as possible. I’m honestly not sure if I succeeded.
“I-I can’t bear this, so let’s get on with it if we’re going to.”
Even though Taewhan was right in front of my eyes, I couldn’t seem to see him properly.
I was so nervous that the world was turning yellow.
But I had to show active willingness on my part so that Taewhan would know I was serious.
And so that he would be determined to kick me out of this house.
“You…”
“Y-Yes. You, remember. This time it’s not ‘cleaning,’ it’s a kiss. The dirty act that people who love each other do…”
“……”
“Ah.”
I couldn’t properly finish my sentence.
It felt like a stone was lodged in my throat.
Now I could finally see Taewhan’s face clearly, and his expression was… so rigid.
His wide eyes held an emotion close to shock.
My heart gave a heavy lurch.
Should I have just waited?
Did I suddenly rush him before he was ready?
“A-Are you disgusted? Did I… Mph.”
This time, my words were cut off for a different reason.
My lips were crushed.
By something very soft and warm.
It was clearly Taewhan’s lips, evident only by his brown eyes, which were now filled only with me.
Not only that, Taewhan’s lips were pressed against mine, which were trembling in fear, and gently rubbed.
My eyelids fluttered involuntarily.
Even though my eyes were open, my vision was so blurry that I couldn’t see anything. I could only focus all my senses on my lips…
“Jehee.”
Taewhan called my name while our lips were pressed together.
I immediately knew what his sweet voice wanted.
He wanted to kiss, not just peck.
Is this… really happening?
Our lips were already pressed together, I could feel his breath, and even though my eyes were wide open and looking at Taewhan’s eyes, it didn’t feel real.
“A-ooh. Hn.”
It was only when I opened my mouth and accepted the hot, soft thing that I could finally close my half-open eyes.
At the same time, I grasped Taewhan’s arm tightly.
With my heart as stiff as a rock from tension, I moved my lips and tongue.
Every time our tongues tangled, my eyelids trembled involuntarily, and my hands wiggled. I was really kissing Taewhan.
Each moment was so dizzying that I had to consciously swallow back the groans.
But something felt strange.
This was only the second time our lips had met, yet why did it feel so familiar?
The texture of his tongue and lips, the slight angle at which he positioned his head to avoid hitting noses and penetrate easily, and his steady, quiet breathing.
And most of all, he seemed to know exactly where I felt it the most…
“Mmm, ha. Oop.”
My hips quickly arched.
Without any sense of shame, I pressed my face closer to Taewhan, almost pleading.
It wasn’t because it was Taewhan, the person I loved, but simply because the kiss we were sharing felt so good right now.
Every time his tongue brushed my oral membrane, my mind went dizzy, and even the saliva flowing into my mouth tasted sweet.
