Villainous Concubine Has Run Away chapter 64

Whether he was angry at my refusal to deal with him or tired of me demanding a divorce for so long, words that made me doubt my ears came out of Joo Minhyuk’s mouth.

What? How long?

Joo Minhyuk even looked extremely exhausted right now—with an expression that made it look as if he were the victim.

It wasn’t that I wanted him to soothe me until my heart melted.

I just wanted us to separate now.

My desire for a divorce was firm, and my thoughts about Joo Minhyuk were deeper than before, making it impossible to trust him like I used to.

Therefore, even though I wasn’t expecting him to comfort me, Joo Minhyuk’s attitude and tone of voice bothered me immensely.

“How long? Did you just ask how long I’m going to be like this? In Your Majesty’s eyes, has it looked like I’ve just been throwing a tantrum all this time? This?”

“I’ve never looked at it that way, so stop jumping ahead on your own again. Tantrum or not, you aren’t budging at all. What on earth do you want me to do? Huh? If you had considered my position even a little bit, you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

“W-What did you say?”

“Do you know what I did? It was none other than suppressing a rebellion. Do you know how I lived for months and years to catch those crazy bastards who planned to kill me and shake me up—and not just one or two of them? The Prime Minister of the country was at the center of that rebellion, a person from your very own family! What do you think I did to keep you from getting swept up in it and to keep you from dying? Yet you can’t even understand that one thing? I told you I didn’t do it on purpose! Why on earth can’t you think about my position even a little bit?”

“…Ha.”

With this, I knew.

Joo Minhyuk and I would never be able to share even a single moment of time in the same space anymore.

Every time I heard him say it was for my sake, it felt so ridiculous it drove me crazy.

So you hid things from me and just watched me get beaten up entirely for my sake?

You son of a bitch.

That wasn’t for my sake; it was deception.

Agitated by those absurd words, I found myself shooting words back at him like a madman.

“…Understanding? You want me to consider your position? My considering your position is exactly why I ended up in this wretched state! I threw away all my pride just to save you. Desperately hoping you would just stay alive, I begged while being beaten by my grandfather! I thought you were dead, and trying to at least find your body somehow, I got beaten until I had a miscarriage—so what are you even saying?!”

I barely survived, and now it felt like I was going to die again.

Is insulting the Emperor a capital offense at the very least?

Even if that were to happen, I have no regrets about what I just said.

If I hadn’t said this and kept it bottled up inside, my sickness would have only grown deeper.

Even though I knew full well that there were many watching eyes around, I screamed at Joo Minhyuk like a madman who wanted to die right then and there, calling him ‘you’ and ‘bastard.’

The atmosphere turned freezing cold at the insubordination, and those who were waiting far away stood dumbfounded.

And Brother Hanbin and Hyunwook were probably no different from them.

Since even those people were that shocked, I didn’t even need to look at the expression of the brother standing behind me to know.

He must have turned completely pale.

The expression of Joo Minhyuk, who was looking at me with his mouth slightly open at the pouring words, wasn’t much different.

However, I had no intention or desire to fix the accident I just caused, nor did I want to face Joo Minhyuk any longer.

So, with those final words, I turned around toward Brother Hanbin.

The moment I turned my body, Joo Minhyuk’s gloomy voice came from behind my back.

“If you think you were deceived because I didn’t tell you anything about the work, then I’m sorry for that. I truly thought it was for your own good. Since your family took the lead, it would only get complicated if you found out…. I thought it would be better for you not to know.”

This was the problem with Joo Minhyuk that I always felt.

He always thinks, judges, and reaches conclusions on his own.

Most of his conclusions aren’t bad, but there were many times when I felt he was incredibly overbearing.

This situation was also brought about by that exact personality trait of Joo Minhyuk’s.

The part where he judges everything alone and proceeds alone.

While there was no need to explain the secrets of the state to me, it was only right to let me know about things related to me and have a conversation.

“It was an affair where having too many people know wouldn’t bring any good, so we proceeded as secretly as possible. If the other side found out about our plan, dying would be the least of our worries—it would mean war. A civil war would break out.”

“…….”

“It’s also true that we kept quiet because it would be easier for us to move if you, knowing nothing, tried to persuade the Prime Minister and clung to him, drawing his attention. The more desperate you appeared, the more reassured and careless the Prime Minister would become. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I admit it.”

As the truth I both wanted and didn’t want to hear came out of Joo Minhyuk’s mouth, I lost even the strength to answer.

“I thought you would be happy only if I protected the Emperor’s seat. I firmly believed you would be. I thought that whatever the process was, it had nothing to do with you. Seeing your usual attitude toward me, I thought you would understand me unconditionally.”

“I’m a human being too, so how am I supposed to understand all of that! You were watching everything. You saw me getting beaten to death, you saw it all. How am I supposed to trust a person who just stood by and watched for the rest of my life? Even at the moment I was being beaten, you were someone who only cared about the Prime Minister’s confession….”

“That is,”

“If you really thought of me, you would have come to me no matter where it was or what the circumstances were. If you only thought of me, you would have done that. But I wasn’t your first priority, and I probably won’t be your first priority in the future either.”

“That’s a different issue. You and the matters of the state are not things that can be compared. They are problems of completely different natures. It’s a matter where you can’t simply compare the two to rank them first or second.”

Joo Minhyuk continued to persuade me, suppressing his voice as if he were frustrated.

Even if my words right now are stubborn, and even if you say I’m being selfish, I don’t care.

To Emperor Joo Minhyuk, the country naturally comes first.

If he hadn’t suppressed the rebellion at that time, this place would have turned into a warzone.

Thinking about reality rationally, it’s only natural that I become second. But I am not like that.

My emotions do not allow it.

It makes me deeply heartbroken, sorrowful, and disappointed.

If I had been Joo Minhyuk, I would have put the work aside for a moment and rushed out.

“I don’t know Your Majesty’s true feelings anymore. You said it was for my sake while using me, and you told me to make a baby together, yet you fed me contraceptives. And for a long time at that.”

At the mention of the contraceptives, Joo Minhyuk’s body flinched.

It was a topic that both of us had intentionally avoided bringing up.

I avoided this conversation because of the thought of the baby, and didn’t Joo Minhyuk probably avoid it out of a guilty conscience?

“My poor baby, who was conceived with such difficulty even after breaking through the contraceptives Your Majesty fed me. Without a single soul even acknowledging its existence, it got caught up in your affairs and left like that—but because it was an unwanted baby to you, you have no interest and don’t even ask. Even if it was a miscarriage, how can you be like this?”

“It’s not like that. To say I have no interest…. It’s not true.”

“It’s always words, ‘it’s not like that,’ ‘that’s not it.’ I’m sick of it.”

“…Cha Haejoo.”

I know better than anyone that my own responsibility for not noticing the baby’s signs was heavy in its death.

However, no one could deny that Joo Minhyuk was crucially at the center of the reason for the miscarriage.

He won’t be able to escape the responsibility either.

“I’m sorry I can’t consider your feelings. So, next time, meet a companion who considers Your Majesty’s feelings well and understands you. Because it seems that person isn’t me.”

I declared the end of our relationship.

While I understand the choice of Emperor Joo Minhyuk, I cannot understand the choice of Husband Joo Minhyuk.

Perhaps this is also my contradiction.

I know it’s a contradiction, but I don’t want to deny my hurt and disappointed heart.

My feelings of no longer being able to rely on him won’t change either.

---

In the end, we had only confirmed the solid difference in each other’s positions.

The end of the conversation that made me realize ‘that guy has gone completely crazy’ was depressing.

Now that I had come to meet my dad, I was looking miserable again from the extreme depression.

Hyunwook and Brother Hanbin were naturally walking on eggshells around me, and the atmosphere grew more and more dismal.

“…I’m sorry, Brother. I made things difficult again. I should have held it in. I just hope the sparks don’t fly to you for no reason.”

“Haejoo. Actually, I…”

“Huh?”

Brother Hanbin looks at me with a troubled expression, his lips parting as if he’s about to say something but hesitating.

What is it?

Did something happen again?

Because so many things have been happening lately, I end up getting tense even if the other person just hesitates for a second.

“Never mind. For now, you came to meet that person, so just focus on that and let’s talk again later. It’s about time for him to arrive, right? We wasted time at the palace earlier, so there isn’t much time left. You need to talk quickly.”

The expression of Brother Hanbin, who referred to my dad as ‘that person,’ changed strangely for a moment.

It would naturally be that way.

No matter how much he understands my situation, his biological younger brother had come to meet his dad from a past life, so it couldn’t be a pleasant feeling. It must feel bizarre.

Just as I was about to lower my head, depressed over my current situation and feeling sorry toward my brother, Brother Hanbin’s pupils shook violently.

The moment I tried to look back to see what was happening, a strong hand gripped me, shaking my body.

“Haejoo!”

And soon after, a hurried voice mixed with deep longing struck my ears.