Another morning has come.
The start of this day is a truly meaningless time for me.
It is just a despairing time where I have to endure and hold on for another day.
What kind of words will I hear today?
What kind of blaming articles will I have to face?
While hearing all kinds of speculation about me, I have to close my eyes, block my ears, and endure the day again.
What did I look at before falling asleep yesterday?
Ah, it was an article saying that my miscarriage and my grandfather’s beating were all just an act.
The comments from people agreeing and saying that might be the case really shook my mental state.
I shouldn’t have looked at the comments….
Even if being beaten by my grandfather is one thing, calling the miscarriage an act is too much.
It is a continuous sequence of time where I painfully realize what it means when people say words can kill a person.
Someone says this: Isn’t my behavior a bit too light for someone who had a miscarriage?
There is a lot of talk that the period of soothing my hurt heart and even my shocked emotions look too light.
Also, in the name of comforting me, I heard words like this.
It was an absurd comment asking if it wasn’t actually a relief to lose a child that was in an embryo state, too small to even be called a fetus.
There was an overflow of non-comforting comfort, saying things like how could there be any attachment when I couldn’t even see it with my eyes, and that I should just recover my body which was hurt from being beaten.
Just how on earth am I supposed to act to look heavy?
I don’t know who else could know my condition better than myself, yet they deny even my mental state and emotions.
When I lie down blankly, I hear whispers like this in my ears.
‘I let you know like that, so how can you be so indifferent? Why didn’t you care even once and gave up on me? How could you not even imagine my existence once?’
It is highly likely a hallucination created by my guilt, but whatever the reality of the whisper is, I will probably live in pain, suffering from guilt for the rest of my life.
Maybe it has already started.
These days, I have nightmares every single day.
I am constantly beaten by my grandfather, and Joo Minhyuk is watching and laughing.
The blood running down my legs overflows past my ankles and fills up to my waist, but Joo Minhyuk just stands still and laughs.
I have this dream repeatedly.
In the dream, I just keep crying because of how sad and sorrowful it is.
If I try my best not to fall asleep to avoid that dream, I hear hallucinations calling me irresponsible. Isn’t this truly a perfect state to go crazy?
Calling a person like this light?
Saying it’s like nothing happened?
This?
What on earth do those people who don’t even know anything want me to do?
I just wanted to live stuck in a place where nobody is around and nobody can see me.
“I’m sick of everything….”
“Haejoo. I’m here. Can I come in?”
The bedroom door opened slightly, and I turned my head upon hearing a voice calling me carefully. Hyunwook looked around and came into the room.
From his cautious movements, I knew Hyunwook came to say something serious. Seeing Hyunwook approaching quickly, I raised my body.
Hyunwook frowned after seeing my condition, and then asked quietly but quickly, as if anxious.
“Today is the day you go directly to the hospital for your examination, right?”
“Yeah. Why? Did something happen?”
Seeing Hyunwook’s behavior, which looked strange even at a glance, I asked cautiously.
Did something happen again?
Hyunwook came close and whispered in my ear.
“I mean your dad. He said he would come briefly to match the time you go to the hospital today. Can we leave about thirty minutes early?”
“Dad?”
Currently, the only person Hyunwook would call ‘uncle’ is my dad.
Last time, he said he would look for an opportunity to match my hospital schedule, and it seems he plans to come see me today.
I moved my body with difficulty, feeling happy.
“Calm down and move slowly. Your body is a mess. Your dad will be shocked if he sees you. It’s a relief we can leave early, but let’s eat a bit first and get ready. You look like you have no energy at all.”
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll eat.”
At the news that I could meet my dad, I gained energy that I didn’t have before.
It felt like moisture was filling up my dried-up heart.
When I showed a bright smile and a willingness to eat after a long time, Hyunwook also showed a bright smile looking at me.
“Your dad said he will stay in Korea for the time being. He is watching over you secretly. And he knows about your current condition. He was very distressed….”
At the words that he knew my condition, I flinched for a moment.
To think he knows about this shameful situation….
Since it’s being reported heavily for the whole world to know, it’s more strange not to know, but I still wished he didn’t know.
I suddenly worried that my dad would think strangely of me and feel a sense of distance from my different appearance.
Right now, I was different from the person my dad used to know.
Anyone could see I was an Omega, and I even got pregnant and had a miscarriage.
What if my dad can’t fully accept me and thinks I’m strange?
I suddenly became afraid.
As my complexion changed instantly, Hyunwook, who read my mind, calmed me down.
“Your dad is an Alpha too. He lived here for several years, so how could he not understand that? He already adapted completely, and he doesn’t care whether you are an Omega or whatever. You are just his son. Let’s not worry unnecessarily. It’s really like a miracle that we can meet like this. Okay?”
Having gone through a big event recently, I developed a habit of worrying and fretting over even small things.
Originally, I had a personality with a lot of thoughts and caution, but I even got a sickness of worrying too much, making me timid.
Everything Hyunwook said was right. It’s not like my situation changes just because I worry uselessly.
“You’re right. In fact, if dad already knows everything, it’s comfortable because I don’t have to explain separately. It might actually be better for me.”
“Right. Let’s think that way. Shall we get up quickly, eat, and get ready?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Hyunwook. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been able to endure for even a moment. It’s terrible just thinking about it.”
Right.
That is truly terrible just to imagine.
If Hyunwook hadn’t been here, I wouldn’t have been able to endure.
As I shuddered and recoiled as if it were terrible just to imagine, Hyunwook supported me and tightly wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
Phew, thinking about going outside after a long time makes me so nervous.
What if I run into people?
I’m scared.
Suddenly, remembering the critical comments and reactions directed at me, I started to become afraid of going outside.
If I want to divorce Joo Minhyuk and live outside, I have to overcome this kind of fear too….
The moment I stepped foot outside the pavilion, I felt a dizzying vertigo.
My breath was short and my head was blank.
It felt like I was thrown outside stark naked.
I wanted to hide, but the surroundings were completely wide open, so I couldn’t find a place to hide.
“Your Highness. I will go ahead. I agreed to meet Commander Hanbin at the car. It will be much more comfortable if you go together.”
Hyunwook, who was quietly following behind me, came out in front of me.
Before I could even answer, my vision was filled with Hyunwook’s broad back, so I couldn’t see anything else.
It’s like trying to cover the sky with a palm, but this was still something.
It was still okay.
Only now did I feel like I hid myself, so my hands, which were shrinking from tension, unfolded, and my cold sweat also stopped.
So I walked slowly to the car, matching Hyunwook’s speed.
All I could see and hear was the cold dirt and the sound of footsteps.
It was around the time my mind became a little more comfortable.
“Daebin Palace? Where are you going right now?”
A voice colder than the cold winter wind pierced my ears.
It is the voice I wanted to avoid and not face as much as possible.
I did not react to that voice and did not raise my lowered head.
I hear quite a lot of footsteps.
It seemed Joo Minhyuk was moving to another pavilion with people.
The footsteps moving together decreased, and soon only the fast walking of one person could be felt.
“I asked where you are going, where are you going out right now!”
Anxiety and urgency are mixed in the shouting voice.
Who is the fool who doesn’t even know the day I go to the hospital, yet making a fuss?
As Joo Minhyuk approached sharply, Hyunwook made an attempt to move away from me.
But I moved together, matching the direction Hyunwook was moving.
“…What are you doing.”
“Your Highness. Just a moment….”
The confused voices of Joo Minhyuk and Hyunwook were heard at the same time.
Both of them seemed flustered seeing me not letting go of Hyunwook’s back.
Because of Joo Minhyuk trying to see me, Hyunwook trying to show me to him, and me desperately hiding my body behind Hyunwook’s back, our scuffle continued for a while.
“Just answer where you are going. Cha Haejoo, yourself.”
“He is going to the hospital. Your Majesty, today is the day Your Highness has an examination.”
An answer came from an unexpected place to Joo Minhyuk’s question.
I could clearly hear uneven breathing. Brother Hanbin?
The brother I was supposed to meet in the car ran over hurriedly and answered Joo Minhyuk’s question.
Joo Minhyuk sighed as if uncomfortable because the desired answer did not come from me, but he didn’t say anything to him.
He approached while breathing heavily, cautiously grabbed my arm, and moved Hyunwook away.
After patting my back a few times as if to soothe me, he whispered to me.
“Stop, you shouldn’t make His Majesty look more ridiculous here. There are too many eyes watching. Stop it. Guard Kang Hyunwook and I will stand back over there.”
It was a gentle but firm warning. I let out a sigh and raised my head.
Then, my eyes met with Joo Minhyuk, who was staring at me intently.
He didn’t say any other words to me and was busy inspecting my body and face inside out.
Why is he so unfamiliar?
Looking straight at his appearance like this feels like a very long time ago.
Did this person look like this?
Joo Minhyuk felt unfamiliar.
I felt a greater sense of distance than the unfamiliarity I felt when I first arrived here.
And I saw a group of people looking over here from over there.
Among the people looking here with troubled expressions, Lee Siyoon stood out by far.
He had a cold expression full of anxiety.
He is definitely aiming for the spot next to Joo Minhyuk.
It’s unfortunate, but it won’t work with just that level….
“Why don’t I know about going to the hospital?”
“…Well. I don’t know that either. Since you have no interest in me?”
“Stop talking nonsense. How long are you going to be like this.”
“…What did you say? How long?”
Joo Minhyuk openly expressed his dissatisfaction to me with a tired voice, and I looked straight up at him, dumbfounded by his attitude.
