GTLTGIDES chapter 70

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“Oh…”

It was just a joke.

But with him so eager to offer me a lap pillow, there was no reason to refuse.

Honestly, I didn’t have the luxury to decline anyway.

My body… wasn’t in great shape.

I needed any rest I could get.

I moved closer to Cha Junseong slowly, feeling strangely nervous.

“Alright then, excuse me. If your legs get numb, feel free to wake me.”

“Hurry up and lie down.”

Listening to our dependable leader wouldn’t hurt.

As soon as I laid down, he took off. His coat and placed it over me.

I couldn’t help but smile.

‘This is heaven.’

The clear sky, the warm sunlight, and Eunsoo’s laughter carried by the gentle breeze.

The view was unbeatable.

Even from a low angle, Cha Junseong’s sculpted face looked perfect.

His strong jawline, thick neck, and the Adam’s apple barely visible above. His tightly buttoned shirt — it was all a work of art.

On top of that, his gentle hand was stroking my hair, and his warmth quickly spread through my body.

‘Don’t die…’

I took a deep breath, reminding myself to stay conscious.

I knew that feeling too much happiness or contentment could lead to death, so I had to be cautious.

My heartbeat seemed too slow.

I had taken a potion in time, so why did I still feel like this?

Maybe I was pushing myself even harder than the original Yang Heewoon had.

How long can I keep going like this?

In the original story, Yang Heewoon died at the end of November.

Could I hold out until Eunsoo becomes an adult?

At the very least, I had to make it until. His college entrance exams were over.

I didn’t want him to be shocked and lose focus on his studies.

‘Ah, and there’s that day after the exams.’

I have to live until then.

It’s on the top of my bucket list.

If I don’t make it, Eunsoo might never know about it for his whole life.

It’s not enough to just leave it in a letter.

I need to turn it into a memory he’ll never forget.

I opened my eyes.

Now that I thought about it, there was something I needed to say to Cha Junseong as well.

“Junseong.”

“You’re supposed to be sleeping. Close your eyes.”

“I just need to say one thing before I do.”

“…Alright.”

Cha Junseong leaned toward me, a few strands of his perfectly styled hair falling out of place.

Seeing someone as meticulous as him showing a vulnerable side to me made me feel warm, knowing he was comfortable around me.

But I still had to say what needed to be said.

“I’m not going to bond with you, Junseong.”

His eyes wavered as he looked at me.

The confusion in.

His gaze spoke for him, as if he wanted to ask how I knew about the bond when he hadn’t mentioned it directly.

To answer that unspoken question, I smiled and pointed to my collarbone.

What else could the mark there be, if not that?

Of course, if I hadn’t known about the events of the original story, I might have thought Cha Junseong was just pressing on my shoulder.

I could have pretended not to know… but there was something I wanted to tell him regarding this.

“Did I misunderstand?”

“…No, you’re right.”

The black eyes that had been watching me disappeared under his eyelids.

When he opened them again, his face was filled with sadness.

“I’d like to know why you don’t want to. If you’re willing to tell me.”

“Ah, it’s not because I hold any grudge against you for what happened. Don’t misunderstand.”

It’s true I hate Cha Younghwan and his family.

They’re irredeemable, the real villains of the story. I have no affection for them.

But just because I despise them doesn’t mean I’ll treat Cha Junseong harshly or take revenge on him.

What good would come from venting my anger on an innocent person?

This is an entirely separate issue.

“You’re thinking about bonding with me because you feel guilty, right? You think I’m in pain because of you.”

A bond between a guide and an esper is a Soul Imprint.

It merges both their bodies, minds, and even their lifespans.

I’m not sure how much Junseong knows about my condition, but as the leader of Special A Team, it’s clear he feels responsible for me.

He must be thinking of sharing his life with me because he feels bad that I’ve become so sick after guiding his team, which is partly his fault for keeping silent.

Even if he ends up bound to me for life because of the bond, he’s probably fine with that.

I smiled at him.

“Don’t do it. It’s not your fault, Junseong. It’s my choice.”

Honestly, if I said I wasn’t tempted, that would be a lie.

If I bonded with Junseong, my life would be extended.

I’d get to see Eunsoo for longer. I might even get to see him as an adult, in college, or maybe even attend his wedding.

But I can’t do that. I can’t extend my life by taking Junseong’s.

Life force doesn’t work in simple halves.

It’s not as if you can just divide two lives neatly into 50 each.

Someone like me, who’s already withering away, might end up draining a year from him just to gain a single day.

If we bond, we might both die in our 40s, or even our 30s.

I can’t take away the man Eunsoo loves, only to doom him to an early death as well.

It wouldn’t be fair to Junseong, society, or the world, especially with all the dangers that still lie ahead.

“I don’t regret anything. Becoming the guide of Special A Team has been the greatest luck in my life.”

And I mean that sincerely.

To Yang Heewoon, they may have been nothing but a source of money, but for me, every moment with them has been filled with happiness.

I’m just sad that I can’t stay with them longer.

I hope they don’t feel pain over the life I’ve chosen to live.

“…”

Cha Junseong remained silent the entire time. He neither showed discomfort nor happiness in response to my words.

His eyes, however, grew increasingly desolate.

It was then that I realized it wasn’t appropriate to be lying on his lap and saying such things.

As I tried to get up, his hand gently pressed against my chest, preventing me from moving.

“It’s fine. Just stay like this.”

“But…”

“Please stay. I’m asking you.”

His fingers trembled slightly.

His expression hadn’t changed much, but it seemed the rejection had hit him hard.

After all, who would ever turn down a man like him?

I doubt he’s ever experienced rejection before.

It wasn’t because I disliked him.

Quite the opposite, I wanted him to know I rejected him because I liked him so much.

Thinking it would be okay since I had already guided him, I held his hand and gently stroked the back of it.

In response, Cha Junseong gripped my right hand tightly.

The trembling in his fingers, which I had felt earlier, grew worse.

What was he thinking now?

Even though he held onto me so tightly, he kept his heart thoroughly closed off, making it impossible for me to peek inside.

It was frustrating.

In the world of espers, an imprinting is a life-altering commitment, much more serious than guiding.

An esper essentially entrusts their entire life to a single guide, with the risk of going berserk if it fails.

He must have thought long and hard about it before deciding that imprinting was the best way to ease.

His guilt. But did I cut him off too coldly?

‘Even so, I can’t allow the Soul imprint.’

No matter how much I think about it, I can’t accept it.

I don’t have the confidence to succeed in imprinting.

Besides, if I were to be with Cha Junseong, I wouldn’t be able to shake the guilt I feel towards Eunsoo.

Imprinting was never an option to begin with.

But… since Cha Junseong was the one who brought this up first, maybe I could be a little more shameless.

“Junseong.”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to say something a bit presumptuous.”

“…What is it?”

“Proposing imprinting right out of the blue is the worst possible way to propose.”

“…”

Some might call it romantic—the idea of binding your souls together, making a lifelong commitment that you can’t take back.

But that only applies to couples who are ready to spend their entire lives together.

Cha Junseong and I are merely colleagues.

Besides, there were far too many people who wouldn’t welcome the idea of us imprinting.

I gave him a sad smile as I looked at his hardened face.

“You know, right? Your family would never accept me. To them, I’m not someone worthy of you—I’m lacking, insufficient.”

Just look at Cha Younghwan’s attitude—it’s obvious.

To them, I’m just a common, disposable B-level guide, certainly not a suitable partner for a precious S-class esper.

Knowing this, Cha Junseong had skipped all the formalities and pushed for imprinting.

Once imprinted, they wouldn’t be able to undo it, no matter how much they opposed.

But that’s where the real problem begins.

In a situation where I’m not welcomed, being forced into the family simply because of an imprint would only lead to a terrible outcome.

And surely Cha Junseong, who has lived under their constant harassment, would know how painful such a life would be for someone like me.

“You can’t be so reckless about the person you’re going to spend your life with.”

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