Ranshel stood there for a long time with slumped shoulders, then picked up the prayer book from the table.
‘…I’m sorry.’
He hugged the prayer book tightly, then released it.
And he submerged the book again in the drug he had used to restore the pages.
Now, the drug would be absorbed excessively, and the remaining letters would completely disappear.
Even though he knew the weight of these words, even though he knew the feelings contained in the pen, he had no choice.
It would catch Zavad’s eye no matter where he put it.
Zavad, unlike anyone else, would recognize his mother’s handwriting.
Ranshel could not risk leaving the book behind.
The pages submerged in the drug gradually discolored.
The black ink dissolved and scattered, turning into useless sheets of paper that served no purpose.
Ranshel carried the prayer book, which felt much lighter now that the weight of his heart was gone, like a criminal carrying a heavy chain, and left the room.
Zavad, having been knighted, seemed to have raised his already harsh training intensity while preparing for the Imperial Knights Entrance Exam.
He left the mansion in the early morning and returned late at night, living a life of catching brief moments of sleep in bed without proper rest before heading out again.
In the past, Ranshel would rub his sleepy eyes, help him prepare for going out, and attend to him as he went to bed, but ever since Ranshel fell ill, Zavad had been locking his door to prevent Ranshel from helping with his tasks.
Consequently, Ranshel hardly saw his face recently, as the time Zavad spent in the mansion was too brief.
Although Ranshel was distressed over the matter of Charlotte, his concern for Zavad was not diminished.
On the contrary, he became so worried that he started losing sleep, so Ranshel decided to go and meet Zavad directly at his training ground.
Outsiders were not allowed inside, but they could wait in a designated resting area until the training was over.
Ranshel prepared a clean towel and cool water and waited for Zavad to finish his training.
Most people left the training ground when the sun began to set, but Zavad only emerged when the surroundings were completely dark and the moon was high in the sky.
He was drenched in sweat, walking toward the exit with an expressionless face, when he seemed to spot Ranshel and veered his path.
He extended his long legs and reached Ranshel in an instant.
“You don’t need to come all the way here.”
“I was just, free.”
“Don’t come in the future. Don’t bother waiting when I’m out late; just go to bed early.”
“I wasn’t waiting. I was just bored and couldn’t sleep, so I just stopped by for a bit.”
“Why can’t you sleep?”
‘Because you’re not here.’
Ranshel swallowed the unspoken words deep into his throat and held out the towel he was holding.
He had naturally offered it for Zavad to wipe the sweat from his face after training, but Zavad did not take it.
He merely bent his waist slightly and bowed his head. Ranshel was startled and froze rigid.
“Why are you standing still? Wipe it.”
“…Do you perhaps not have hands, Young Master?”
“Even if I had ten hands, shouldn’t you wipe it if I tell you to?”
Of course, Zavad was the master, and Ranshel was the servant who attended to him, so he should perform that level of service.
However, Ranshel could not move the hand holding the towel.
In the past, he would have thought it was some kind of whim and wiped it without a second thought, but he couldn’t now.
Zavad’s skin, moist from the training, was glistening under the moonlight.
A bead of sweat hanging on his straight forehead slowly trickled down and formed a drop on the tip of his sharp chin.
Ranshel stared blankly at the drop of sweat as it trembled precariously before falling, then deliberately fixed his gaze on his feet.
When Ranshel only extended the towel with his arm, his head bowed low, Zavad let out a hollow laugh.
“What, a servant strike today too?”
“…….”
“…Are you sick?”
The latter part sounded noticeably gentler.
He had come here to worry about Zavad, not to make Zavad worry about him.
Ranshel shook his head vigorously, reaching out his hand to roughly rub Zavad’s forehead and cheeks.
However, his gaze was still directed downward, avoiding eye contact with Zavad.
He knew Zavad would find this strange, yet he did it anyway.
It was beyond his control.
Zavad, bathed in the moonlight, was so intensely beautiful that Ranshel felt he shouldn’t dare to look at him.
He didn’t want to expose Zavad to his lust-filled gaze.
“…You’re acting a bit strange today.”
“I was always strange.”
“Then are you low on energy?”
“Not really. I’m fine.”
Zavad held the water bottle Ranshel offered and tilted his head slightly.
“Then are you mad at me? Because I touched your legs before?”
“……No?!”
Zavad was trying to resurrect the memory Ranshel was desperately trying to forget.
Ranshel shook his head violently.
But Zavad seemed to become more certain from Ranshel’s reaction.
“I didn’t originally intend to touch you like that. But you were thinner than I expected.”
“…I’m not mad because of that. Why do you keep saying that when I’ve never been that thin?”
“Well, because the texture felt that way when I touched you directly. Your waist was just skin and bones too. There was nothing to grip.”
With every word Zavad spoke, the memory of that moment was slowly and vividly recalled.
Ranshel, stung by the resurfacing shame, raised his deeply bowed head.
And he met the gaze that was quietly looking down at him.
His body froze solid. Red eyes were fully fixed on him.
Eyes that shone like a passionate sun even under the soft moonlight, were entirely focused on him.
“I didn’t want to make you angry.”
“…….”
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
He wasn’t angry.
He was just embarrassed. He felt pathetic for getting excited by a touch of concern from someone who had no personal interest in him.
Zavad’s actions weren’t exactly right, but Ranshel’s feelings were the greater problem.
However, he couldn’t express those inner feelings.
Ranshel tried to say it quickly.
He tried to confirm once again that he wasn’t angry.
But he couldn’t even do that. His lips wouldn’t move.
He liked Zavad’s cautious look at him too much.
If he said it was nothing, Zavad would understand and walk away.
He didn’t want that.
He just wanted Zavad to continue looking at him like this.
Just then, Zavad, who was staring intently at Ranshel, opened his mouth.
“Do you want to touch me too?”
“…….”
“Will that make it better?”
Ranshel’s reaction was slow because he was slightly dazed.
Zavad seemed to interpret his silence as affirmation and looked around.
“There’s probably an empty room we can use.”
“……What?”
“I’ll take off my clothes inside. You touch me too.”
……No, no! Ranshel snapped back to his senses.
Zavad had taken a wrong turn. Reciprocity shouldn’t be applied here.
