Even then, I hadn’t made a decision.
Seol kept telling me I needed to choose, but I’d never really made a choice in my life.
I was scared—scared that once I chose, I’d have to take responsibility for it.
I was stuck.
I almost wished someone would just tell me what to do.
But neither Grandpa nor Seol did that.
Grandpa just listened when I said I wasn’t sure this engagement was right, that I didn’t even know what I wanted.
He told me to think it through and come tell him when I reached a conclusion.
That he’d support me, no matter what it was.
As for Seol… he clearly avoided talking about it on purpose.
Honestly, I don’t know.
If the banquet hadn’t been canceled by that monster wave… I don’t know what I would’ve done.
Watching Raizen leave on the subjugation mission, I found myself wishing he’d come back safely.
But at the same time, I wondered if this was my first and last chance.
The very fact that I had that thought—that was my answer.
‘I… I want to run away from Raizen, if I can.’
Once I realized that, I checked the thing I’d been saving until the very end.
[Raizen Miel Pantheon / Affection: –1]
No matter how hard I tried to see it positively, it just wasn’t love.
I couldn’t even call it affection.
Still, I was probably the one Raizen liked the most out of everyone he knew.
And affection can grow, right?
But even that kind of hope wasn’t enough to hold me up.
‘So when does this affection score go into the positives, huh? It’s been ages and it’s still in the negatives.’
I just… couldn’t believe anymore.
Even if Noah showed up out of nowhere and told me, you can do it, I wouldn’t be able to believe him.
Not that he ever did.
In the end, I ran.
After Raizen left, I relied on the duchess and Grandpa, who were the first to approach and talk to me.
‘Rai still seems unsure about how he feels, Sei. But waiting endlessly for a moment that may never come… that’s too cruel. And people who don’t even understand their own hearts don’t deserve someone precious.’
That was what the duchess told me, after I confessed that my divine power no longer worked on Raizen.
That maybe, he’d be fine without me now.
She spoke as if to say: So don’t feel guilty for leaving.
I shook off those thoughts with a soft shake of my head.
Anyway, it’s been a little over a year now, and I’ve been doing okay.
Raizen… probably is, too.
Knowing his personality, if he really wanted me by his side, he would’ve found me by now.
It wouldn’t have taken a whole year.
‘So I guess… I was only worth that much to him.’
It’s not like I didn’t understand where Raizen was coming from, so I didn’t feel particularly resentful.
Just… my heart ached a little. Because I still liked him.
“…”
Still so hopelessly, even now.
∗ ∗ ∗
For the first time in a while, I got ready to go out.
Seol had just come back from a quick stroll in the garden and looked surprised when he saw me.
[Huh? You’re going out?]
“Yeah.”
[Whoa. You always said walking in the garden was enough exercise.]
“…No, I’m not going out to exercise. Hey! And I am running laps in the garden every day ‘cause you said I need to build basic strength to properly wield the divine sword!”
[So why are you suddenly leaving?]
“Well… just felt like I could now.”
It’s already been a year since I left the Duke’s estate.
I had a vague sense that time had passed.
But today, seeing the date clearly while signing for a delivery made it feel real—like a lock I’d kept tightly shut inside finally clicked open.
It wasn’t exactly a sad feeling, though.
Seol was staring at me.
His golden eyes, brilliant even in the absence of light, watched me quietly.
Whenever he looked at me like that, I felt something hard to explain.
Like I had to bare everything inside me.
‘What is he, a priest or something?’
Well, not a priest, but a divine beast.
“Want to come with me?”
At my suggestion, Seol hesitated for a moment before slowly shaking his head.
[You go by yourself. I’m not stupid enough to get caught off guard anymore, even if I’m alone.]
“Hey…”
He wasn’t wrong, so why did it irritate me?
[And I’ll head out again later tonight anyway.]
After I’d stabilized to some extent, Seol had started going out on his own from time to time.
If he moved around while invisible, no one would notice.
He asked me to come along a few times, but when I kept refusing, he gave up.
‘So I thought he’d ask to come with me this time…’
Weird. Why… do I feel a little disappointed?
[What? Why are you looking at me like that?]
“Seol…”
As I stepped closer, Seol flinched and started backing away.
[W-What! What’s with you?!]
“You’re sick of me now, is that it? Huh? Is that why you’re sending me off alone?”
I dropped my gaze deliberately and spoke in a wistful, wounded tone.
Instantly, Seol’s face turned all shades of panic, and he darted away.
Not that he got very far before stopping again.
“Seol~”
[Ack!]
I opened my arms and started walking toward him again, making him yelp and scramble further away.
Watching his retreating figure made me laugh for a while before a soft sigh slipped out.
‘I guess going alone really is better for my peace of mind.’
Seol must’ve known that too—that’s why he didn’t insist on coming.
It’s honestly a thoughtful gesture, but every time he’s like that, I get this weird urge to mess with him.
Makes you wonder who’s protecting whom here.
‘Still… I’m really glad Seol’s with me.’
If it hadn’t been for him, I probably would’ve fallen apart.
I woke up after a long sleep to find four years had passed, the ancient gods were out of reach…
I’d clung to life, suffering silently, and eventually—upon realizing that Raizen didn’t love me—I would’ve shattered completely.
Beyond repair.
‘Though it’s still unsettling how the ancient gods haven’t said a word.’
I haven’t received any quests since Seol hatched.
I thought more would follow after that, but… nothing.
Not even a word from Noa or the others since I left the duchy.
‘Maybe things are messy on their end too.’
Well, it’s not like that’s my problem.
Things are already complicated enough—if anything, I’m grateful they’re not getting involved.
‘Alright… let’s go.’
I instinctively reached for my hat, then paused.
My hair, eye color, even my entire appearance—everything had been changed.
It was the result of upgrading the magical artifact I had engraved into my body.
No ordinary mage without admin access could undo it.
And that access now belonged to me.
Meaning: no one could recognize me, and even if they did, they couldn’t forcibly strip the magic off.
‘A habit. Just an old, bad habit.’
Getting scared of things that haven’t even happened yet.
As if I’d randomly run into Raizen now.
I let out a soft sigh, set the hat back down, and stepped out of the house.
∗ ∗ ∗
The sound of waves echoed faintly in the distance.
Though Crete Island was fairly large, you could hear the sea from almost anywhere.
Being an island, you’d expect the weather to be a bit erratic, but it was oddly mild—as if blessed by the gods.
Most days felt like early spring, and even the cold ones were too gentle to be called winter.
‘The waters around here are supposed to be really stable too.’
No wonder people once called it paradise on earth.
Bathed in sunlight for the first time in a while, I entered Scarlet Street.
Crete’s commercial district was split into two main areas: Scarlet Street and Violet Street.
Think of Violet Street like the VIP floor of a department store.
What you could enjoy here was split pretty starkly depending on your wealth.
I picked up a newspaper from the first stand I passed.
It was my first time seeing one since arriving on the island. The front page headline immediately caught my eye:
[Karon Luavis, Declared a Saint!]
…What kind of bullshit is this?
Ok the plot is officially lost TvT this was sad because I felt like this was my favorite book and I’ve spent over $50 buying advanced chapters so this is depressing for my mind and my bank