Hyunwook arrived as he always did, and I quickly led him to a secluded spot hidden from prying eyes.
Ever since receiving his text, I had been unable to conceal my mounting excitement while waiting for him.
He isn’t the type of person to play cruel jokes about something like this.
After glancing around to check our surroundings, Hyunwook handed his phone over to me.
“Look, I took a picture.”
“Where? Where is it?”
Snatching the phone from his grasp in a frantic rush, I hurriedly scrutinized the figure in the photo.
Displayed on the screen was a deeply missed person whom I had locked away in the recesses of my heart—someone whose face had begun to blur with the passage of time.
He looked younger and more full of vitality, a bit different from the appearance I carried in my memories, but I could recognize him instantly at a single glance.
“Dad?”
I couldn’t remember how long it had been since I last uttered the word ‘Dad.’
The moment I laid eyes on the photo, I knew.
It was undeniably my father.
Fourteen.
I was fourteen years old when my dad passed away.
His illness had suddenly taken a sharp turn for the worse one day.
Even without anyone explicitly telling me, I instinctively knew back then that he wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer.
I remembered how terrifying that reality had felt at the time.
Until the final moments as his consciousness slipped away, my dad couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes easily, entirely consumed by worry for us.
That was why I had leaned down and whispered into his ear as he agonized.
‘In your next life, do everything you’ve ever wanted to do, don’t be sick, and live a life of abundance. But since I’m going to miss you so terribly, let’s make absolutely sure we meet again. Don’t worry about me and Seojoo, just wait for us.’
Perhaps finding comfort in my words, my dad had closed his eyes peacefully back then.
I had never dreamed in a million years that I would actually encounter him again like this.
It was my dad. My own father.
He looked far too young for me to easily call him ‘Dad’ right now, but there was no doubt it was him.
Tears began to spill, fat droplets splashing heavily onto Hyunwook’s phone screen.
“Don’t cry. Still, isn’t this an absolute miracle? How can something like this even happen? Your dad is running a travel agency business now, and apparently, one of his cruise passengers showed him a photo of you that had been circulating on the internet. That’s when he realized. I honestly have no clue what kind of cosmic logic is at work here.”
“I-I miss him so much. I want to see my dad as soon as possible.”
“He mentioned that he needs to wrap up some business affairs in Seoul first. Let’s arrange for you two to meet once he finishes that up.”
“But how am I supposed to meet him? I can’t even step a single foot outside right now. Joo Minhyuk has completely blocked me in.”
As I spoke up to that point, Hyunwook nervously scanned our surroundings.
Because Joo Minhyuk had installed so many cameras in the past, this miserable habit of checking around had deeply ingrained itself into us.
Even though they claimed to have removed every single one of them by now, how could I possibly bring myself to believe that?
“I’ll try to carve out some time for us in the near future. Your dad also mentioned he has things to conclude on his end anyway, so he needs to finalize those first.”
“Even if you manage to find a window… I’m completely immobilized right now.”
“For starters, I’m planning to aim for a day when you officially have to step outside the palace. The earliest opportunity will be the day you go to the hospital for your regular check-up. Since I’m planning to coordinate with that to look for a chance, make sure you’re mentally prepared on your end as well.”
Ah, the day I leave the palace.
Because I lost the baby, my pheromones had fallen into an abnormal state, meaning I had to visit an external hospital to undergo examinations.
Since treatment was only possible outside where specialized machinery and medical staff were available, even Joo Minhyuk wouldn’t be able to prevent me from going.
At any rate, the mere prospect of seeing my father feels like an absolute dream.
I am unbelievably, profoundly happy.
“By the way, are things between you and His Majesty still in that state?”
“…What exactly do you mean by that state?”
Why did he have to suddenly bring up Joo Minhyuk out of nowhere and ruin an otherwise perfect mood…
“You know exactly what kind of state it is, so why are you even asking? Haejoo, what do you honestly want to do about His Majesty? From where I’m standing, it looks like you still care for him a great deal. Am I wrong?”
Hyunwook had gone ahead and spoken the exact words I desperately wanted to avoid acknowledging. ‘Care for him.’
A phrase expressing an emotion I had never once explicitly heard from Joo Minhyuk—’to love.’
Yes.
It was true.
I had indeed harbored such feelings toward him.
However, it is precisely because of those lingering feelings that I absolutely cannot remain with him.
“That’s exactly why I’m saying I can’t stay by his side. Because I’m terrified that my lingering attachments will tear me apart. That’s why I simply cannot be with him.”
It was an emotion akin to love and hate intertwined.
I felt entirely terrified by Joo Minhyuk’s meticulous nature, which drove him to calculate every move for his own gain, and his utter proficiency in utilizing every available resource just to ensure his objectives were met.
Every single time Joo Minhyuk smiled, maintained his perfect etiquette, and uttered sweet, pleasing words, there was always a calculated motive behind the behavior.
He manipulates and conditions people, pulling them into his orbit to make them his own.
And then, without fail, he exploits them whenever a need arises. I was merely one of those subjects.
Even if Joo Minhyuk’s feelings toward me carried some shred of sincerity, it was a half-baked sincerity at best.
From the very beginning, his feelings toward me weren’t rooted in pure love; rather, I was treated as a liability.
Since our relationship took root from a place where my vulnerabilities were completely exposed and I was forced to beg for his assistance, he might have been calculating my utility in his mind from that very moment.
Simply standing by and watching me get beaten by my grandfather isn’t an action someone can just easily carry out.
Since it was a path I had chosen myself, it wasn’t the physical blows that stung the most—it was the profound humiliation of being used as a pawn.
Ever since he discovered that the baby had died and that I had been fully aware of the contraceptives all along, he had consistently maintained a low profile around me.
Is this supposed to be a sudden display of a guilty conscience?
I couldn’t help but wonder.
What exactly did Joo Minhyuk feel when he watched me hemorrhage blood?
Every single time we slept together, he would succumb to his desires and beg me to bear his child, yet in reality, Joo Minhyuk never truly wanted a baby from me.
That was why I was deeply curious about what thoughts had crossed his mind when he discovered I had conceived, and subsequently, when he learned I had miscarried.
Did he consider it a stroke of good fortune, or did he possess even a shred of genuine remorse?
Because he never unburdens his true, unfiltered thoughts from his own mouth, I have absolutely no way of knowing.
Noticing how I had sunk right back into a bleak depression, Hyunwook looked utterly at a loss, entirely consumed by guilt.
“Because I still care, it is excruciatingly painful. I detest Joo Minhyuk so intensely. There is far too much deep-seated resentment coiled inside me. I can’t bring myself to summon even an ounce of trust anymore. If we continue to live together like this, I will be forced to recall those agonizing events for the rest of my life, and I will end up tormenting him every single time I do. Is that even a proper existence? It would be nothing short of pure torture for the both of us. I refuse to live that way.”
Though a part of me loved him, remaining together would only breed pure misery.
My feelings of betrayal and deep-seated animosity would likely fester into something far more toxic and ugly than even the original Daebin Palace of the novel, breaking him down and driving me straight over the edge of a precipice.
Therefore, I had firmly resolved to sever ties with him solely to protect my own sanity.
Under these exact circumstances, how could he even begin to mutter the word ‘Empress’?
He is truly a profoundly self-centered individual.
“It was bound to end up like this anyway. I should have never gotten greedy and just paired him up with Yeong Hwagung from the start. I thought things were heading in a completely different direction, but it’s ultimately following a similar trajectory. Well, as for my family’s household going to absolute ruin, that old man brought it entirely upon himself.”
“Do you honestly think he would have ever ended up with Yeong Hwagung? You are uniquely dense, you know that? Those two don’t suit each other in the slightest. On top of that, both of them are completely infatuated with you, so how on earth was that match ever supposed to happen?”
Hyunwook shook his head in disbelief, the image of Heesung clearly flashing through his mind.
In the middle of our trivial banter, a crucial matter suddenly occurred to me.
“Right! By the way, did you mention anything to Dad about Seojoo? About how Seojoo doesn’t have a single memory of me.”
“Ah, actually, your dad went and caught a glimpse of Seojoo from a distance. Because Seojoo was far too young when your dad passed away in our past life, he found the sight a bit unfamiliar, but he was still able to recognize him with uncanny accuracy. He just observed him from afar and left it at that.”
My plans to rebuild a close relationship with Seojoo had ultimately collapsed.
The injuries inflicted upon me by my grandfather had dragged on for too long, and my physical health had been severely compromised due to the miscarriage.
Consequently, I decided it was best to completely relinquish my lingering attachments to Seojoo.
I concluded that I possessed absolutely no right to intrude upon my younger brother’s current, thoroughly blissful life using the justification of past-life connections.
“…As long as he lives a good life. That is more than enough for me.”
As if fully comprehending my abrupt soliloquy, Hyunwook offered a comforting pat on my shoulder.
Perhaps just being able to cross paths with Hyunwook again is enough to deem this current life a success?
I tried to console myself with that single thought.
A definitive reason and catalyst had finally materialized, cementing my absolute resolve to escape this place.
The most profound sense of loss I experienced after being exploited by Joo Minhyuk stemmed from the reality that I could no longer cultivate an ounce of trust toward him.
Trust.
It sounds like a common, unremarkable word, yet it remains the single most critical foundation in any human relationship.
To believe in and place your trust in another person means you can depend on them entirely, laying your whole self bare before them without a single reservation.
However, once that trust is shattered within a relationship, suspicion takes root, and mutual reliance completely evaporates.
It serves as the ultimate signal that the connection has run its course.
I simply cannot bring myself to trust Joo Minhyuk.
Therefore, maintaining this forced cohabitation holds absolutely no meaning whatsoever.
Joo Minhyuk’s stubborn insistence on elevating me to the position of Empress and keeping me tethered to his side, completely disregarding the fierce opposition of everyone around him, is nothing short of pure selfishness.
It is an act performed entirely for his own gratification, offering zero consideration for my actual emotions and mental state.
“And… there is another issue…”
Yes.
There was an entirely separate complication to consider.
This one belonged entirely to me.
Regardless of my rational calculations—such as the realization that our relationship cannot continue due to my profound disillusionment and shattered trust—my emotional impulses were continuously stirring up trouble.
For instance, an Omega like Lee Siyoon, who currently hovers by Joo Minhyuk’s side to assist him, poses a significant problem.
He was constantly provoking me and keeping tabs on me to an absurd degree.
It was blindingly obvious to anyone with eyes that he harbored romantic intentions toward Joo Minhyuk.
Even without the warnings I had previously received from Han Heesung, his feelings were so glaringly obvious that he made no effort to conceal them.
Furthermore, he continuously seeks to test the boundaries between myself and Joo Minhyuk.
I absolutely detested the mere sight of him engaging in such pathetic antics right beside Joo Minhyuk.
Hundreds of times a day, a surge of intense irritation would wash over me, prompting vivid fantasies of dragging Lee Siyoon into a confrontation to give him a piece of my mind—and the conclusions of those mental scenarios often turned frighteningly violent.
Upon recognizing that dark impulse within myself, a chilling wave of fear washed over me.
What if, in my current mentally fragile and powerless state, subjected to these constant provocations, my defensive mechanisms continue to escalate, turning increasingly volatile until I end up behaving exactly like the original villainous Daebin Palace prior to my transmigration?
“This is truly wrong… I cannot allow myself to become like that.”
I must not let that happen. I am currently far too compromised.
My body, my heart, and my mental state are completely drained.
I arrived at the definitive conclusion that the only way to preserve my sanity and protect my core self is to remove myself from Joo Minhyuk’s side entirely.
The issue doesn’t merely lie in Lee Siyoon keeping tabs on me or whispering malicious gossip behind my back.
If I stubbornly choose to remain holed up in this palace, these toxic conflicts will inevitably persist, and in my desperate bid to evade and defend against those attacks, I will ultimately devolve into just another malicious villain.
I want to preserve myself completely intact.
At this point, I no longer care whether Joo Minhyuk ever truly comprehends the depth of my pain.
He doesn’t need to know.
Completely independent of him, I must find a way to break free from this place as quickly as humanly possible.
