It was a somewhat impulsive decision, but he felt it was a conversation they needed to have eventually.
Lowell had felt there was no need to reveal a truth that might make Felix uneasy since he had already resolved the issue within himself.
‘But if the fact that I’m hiding something makes Felix uncomfortable, it might be better to tell him. It’s not like it would change our relationship.’
He had thought silence was fine because there was no “need” to speak, but his true feelings were more complex.
If this had happened a year or two ago, he wouldn’t have had the courage to speak up. But the time they had built together gave him strength.
“Alright.”
Felix, who didn’t want to miss even the smallest detail of the person he loved, sensed that gravity and didn’t push for more.
Grateful for that consideration, Lowell decided to share what he could right now.
“Felix, shall I tell you a secret?”
“You have another secret?”
Technically, from Lowell’s perspective, it wasn’t a case of “another,” but he wasn’t so dense as to argue that point.
“Actually, when I saw that you didn’t have much of a reaction to Digory, I was a little upset.”
Lowell habitually reached to touch his warming neck, only to realize Felix’s hand was already there.
He bit his lip.
He had tried to tell himself it was nothing, but the moment he went to confess it, the thought that he was being incredibly childish filled his head.
“What?”
The hand playing with Lowell’s neck stopped dead.
Felix widened his eyes, searching Lowell’s face to see if he had heard correctly.
Embarrassed, Lowell avoided his gaze and continued in a fading voice.
“I guess I’ve subconsciously started taking your jealousy for granted. I know I shouldn’t use things like that to confirm someone’s feelings…”
Staring at a blank wall, Lowell poured out his heart.
He didn’t think he could say it if he looked at Felix’s face.
Despite the years they had spent together, this was a side of Felix he had never seen.
Felix merely parted his lips in the face of this unexpected loveliness.
“When I found out you were secretly jealous, I felt good—but that’s just a childish desire for possession, isn’t it? I was so embarrassed I was never going to tell you.”
The hand Felix had on Lowell trembled slightly.
He looked at a loss, like someone who had just heard a profound confession of love.
“I…”
A low, raspy voice washed over Lowell.
“I want you to be even greedier for me.”
A thick, dark desire churned within Felix.
Every time he found a trace of Lowell wanting him, that dark hunger flared up.
It acted ravenously, as if unwilling to let even a speck of the love Lowell gave go to waste.
“I don’t expect you to desire me as much as I desire you, but…”
Lowell’s eyes widened in surprise for a moment, then he leaned in to whisper into the ear of the bowed Felix.
“That will be difficult.”
Every word tickled Felix’s ear.
“Because I already desire you more than you desire me.”
Before Felix could respond, Lowell reached out and slowly began to unbutton the man’s clothes.
Just the touch of Lowell’s fingers on his chest sent a wave of heat through Felix’s body, as if he were being profoundly seduced.
“Since we’re on a trip, how about we try something different tonight?”
A sweet scent of honey began to fill the room, emanating from Lowell.
Felix, who usually followed Lowell’s lead, nodded without a hint of hesitation.
“As you wish.”
“No taking it back.”
Lowell warned him once more, though he knew Felix would agree to almost anything.
Pushed onto the bed by Lowell’s soft touch, Felix sent him a look that asked, ‘What exactly are you planning?’
Lowell pointedly untied the sash that had been around his waist and used it to bind Felix’s wrists.
Though he tied it skillfully, it certainly wasn’t enough to actually restrain a man like Felix.
In the first place, it was impossible to restrain Felix even with chains.
“What are you doing?” Felix asked with a stunned laugh.
Lowell flashed a playful smile and climbed on top of him.
He looked somewhat embarrassed himself, judging by the slight twitch of his lips, but he didn’t stop.
“Promise me you won’t untie this tonight.”
“You want me to make love to you like this?”
The hands bound by the white cloth gestured in the air.
“Yes. I’ll do everything for you tonight.”
“Why are you doing this?”
Felix asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.
Lowell gave a smile that looked unusually sultry and stroked Felix’s chest with his palm.
“Then wouldn’t you know exactly how much I desire you?”
“Have it your way.”
Felix gritted his teeth and finally gave in.
“How could I ever win against you?”
The man who knew nothing of defeat declared that, in front of Lowell, he didn’t even have the desire to win.
Since Lowell had no intention of besting Felix either, there was neither winner nor loser between them.
Lowell slid down from Felix’s body and sat on the floor to remove his trousers.
“Why are you sitting on the floor?”
Felix frowned as he propped his upper body up.
Though the tension in his brow softened the moment he looked at Lowell, he still seemed displeased.
Despite having just told Lowell to do as he pleased, he clearly hated seeing him in an uncomfortable position.
“I made a promise, so stay still.”
Lowell, having no intention of backing down now that he’d started, replied firmly.
As he removed the underwear, the tensed member that had been confined finally revealed itself.
‘It’s really… wickedly large.’
Looking at the already rigid shaft, Lowell felt a phantom ache in his jaw.
“Don’t you dare untie that sash.”
Even though it was a mere cloth with no physical power over him, the moment Lowell spoke, it became as binding as an iron shackle to Felix.
“Lowell, there’s no need for this.”
Felix realized what Lowell intended and tried to refuse, but Lowell was faster.
Taking the tip into his mouth, Lowell found it difficult to take it all in at once; he started by lightly grazing it with his tongue as if testing the flavor.
Once he felt the tip was sufficiently dampened, he slowly parted his lips to take the shaft inside. Felix let out a low groan.
Lowell took it in very slowly, gauging how deep he could go.
His lips were stretched to their limit, and even as the shaft filled his mouth entirely, it pushed further back toward his throat.
The overwhelming sensation brought physiological tears to Lowell’s eyes.
“Ha… stop if it’s too much.”
Felix coaxed him even as he let out moans thick with pleasure.
He tried to gently push Lowell’s head away with his bound hands, but that action only provoked Lowell further.
Spurred by a stubborn desire to break through Felix’s attempts at rationality, Lowell opened wider and pushed as deep as he could.
His struggling throat suddenly gave way, softening as it repeatedly squeezed and released Felix’s glans.
“Ha… damn it, Lowell….”
Felix’s bound hands brushed roughly against Lowell’s hair.
The muscles in his thighs were corded with tension.
He was sweating profusely, exercising extreme restraint for fear that a loss of control might cause him to thrust and hurt Lowell’s throat.
“Do you—ike—t?”
Lowell’s muffled question didn’t form clear words, but it served as a potent stimulus.
