Why did I have to transmigrate as the Villain’s younger brother? chapter 192

Thinking back on those days made Raizen’s throat feel parched for no reason.

It was the day they returned from defeating the Monster Wave.

His mother, uncharacteristically somber, greeted him and his father.

But Sean, who should have been there, wasn’t.

Noticing him looking around, his mother quietly said:

“Sei’s… gone.”

Gone?

For the first time in his life, Raizen found himself unable to comprehend the words being spoken.

Sean was gone?

Was that a word that could even be used with Sean?

No. He had always been by Raizen’s side.

Ever since he arrived at the duchy at age twelve, small and frail.

“What do you mean?”

Unable to understand, Raizen asked again—and this time, it was his father, Duke Pantheon, who answered.

“He left.”

“…”

“Of his own will. So don’t try to find him.”

Even though they had fought the Monster Wave together, his father knew something Raizen didn’t.

Now that he thought about it, there had been odd moments during the battle.

So this was why.

“Why?”

He wanted to ask why they didn’t stop him—but didn’t.

Because deep down, he was sure:

They hadn’t just let him go.

They had helped him.

Raizen let out a loud laugh.

“Why? Did you think I’d hurt him?”

“Rei…”

“Feelings? Emotions? What do they matter.”

“…”

“I just want to have him. I’m not forcing him. I’m giving him everything he wants. I just want to keep him close, that’s all.”

Raizen truly couldn’t understand.

“Why can’t I? Why?”

He had restrained himself.

He could’ve forced Sean to stay—but he hadn’t.

He didn’t lock him away where no one else could see him.

He didn’t sever his ties with the people who cared for him.

He never tried to isolate him to make him look only at Raizen.

And yet, he still couldn’t have him?

It was unfair.

Then, a dark voice echoed from within him:

“Yes. It’s unfair. So…”

“Stop caring. Just take him. Get rid of anything in the way. Destroy it, if you must.”

The moment he heard that voice, Raizen felt a strange sense of liberation—as though he’d finally escaped the cramped space he’d been forcing himself into all this time.

Why hesitate anymore?

He cast a spell immediately.

He couldn’t forgive the parents who let Sean go.

They had to pay.

But then—for some reason—he remembered Sean.

The one who once told him that no one could say for sure whether he’d become a disaster or not.

The one who often—more often than Raizen realized—looked at Raizen and his parents with longing.

The one who, overwhelmed by their kindness, had slowly started to get used to it.

“He’ll be sad.”

If Raizen let his desire run wild, Sean would be sad.

And he’d blame himself—thinking it was all his fault for leaving.

That kind of Sean… he could break his heart and chain him down.

The old Raizen wouldn’t have hesitated to do just that.

But…

If he did, Sean would never smile again.

Not at Raizen. Not at the world.

He would lose all color and slowly fade away.

And that…

That, Raizen couldn’t bear.

“What are you doing? Why are you hesitating?”

The dark voice pressed on.

It was his own voice, so he’d always thought it was part of him.

But now he realized—it was a curse.

Something parasitic, still alive inside him, even if much of its power had faded.

His vision finally cleared.

He now understood why, even when things went as he wished, he sometimes felt something was off.

“Sean… knew.”

He might not have consciously realized it, but he felt it.

That Raizen’s kindness had an ulterior motive.

And even so, he played along—until he couldn’t anymore.

“Whether this is really a curse or not… I don’t know. But I think… you don’t need my divine power anymore.”

“…”

“Even so… do you still like me?”

“…I do.”

“…”

“I still need you.”

Because he had deceived Sean, all the way to the end.

Everything after that is a blur.

He thinks… he went a little mad.

“Sei…”

“Sei?”

“Sean!!”

All he could do was call his name.

But all those calls were answered only with unbearable silence.

No matter how much of the manor he tore apart, Sean was nowhere.

And every time he realized that—Raizen drowned in regret.

“I should have locked him away from the start.”

“If I had hidden him somewhere only I could see…If I had made him truly dead to the world… This never would’ve happened. No one would’ve been able to help him.”

“No, even before that…
I should’ve branded it into him.
That in this world, there’s only the two of us.
That only I can save him.
That only I will love him.
That everyone else would hate him.”

And he could’ve done it.

He had the power to.

Manipulating people, bending them to his will—Raizen excelled at it.

If Sean had been a little younger, it would’ve been even easier.
Back then, he was unstable—and he clung only to Raizen.

Of course, Raizen had always known that part of him was a performance…

“It was far too easy to plant distrust in someone like you, who still couldn’t fully trust adults—those meant to be your protectors.”

If that was all it took, would Sean have never left?

Would he have kept his eyes solely on Raizen, ignoring the world beyond?

“You said it yourself—we were the only ones in the world for each other…”

Didn’t you say that?

He wanted to destroy everything.

If he crushed and killed everything in sight, would Sean come back?

If he really became the disaster Sean had feared he would… then maybe…

But Sean would be disappointed.

He might be afraid, even repulsed.

After everything he had tried, seeing Raizen turn out like this…

And then he’d leave Raizen behind in the darkness and disappear into a world full of light.

“No.”

Being alone. Never seeing Sean again.

Dying all by himself in a world where Sean still lived and breathed…

[Then just die together, what’s stopping you?]

In those moments, the curse would whisper like it had been waiting.

In Raizen’s own voice and form—but blackened, sticky, corrupted, like a shadow claiming to be him.

“Die… together?”

Would it be better to die alongside Sean?

If their time ended at once—if at least Sean’s death belonged to him…

“But then… I’d never see you again.”

Sean’s smile.

His warm gaze.

The way he’d pout for no reason when embarrassed.

His blunt, yet gentle voice—even the sound of his breath.

He wouldn’t be able to see or hear any of it again.

It felt like a gaping hole had been torn through his heart.

The reckless urge to destroy that had filled him suddenly leaked out through that hole, all at once.

What was left was… emptiness.

A hollowness, a hunger that only Sean could ever fill.

“Get lost.”

When Raizen told the curse, that twisted version of himself, to disappear—it would click its tongue and vanish.

But as soon as it could no longer borrow Raizen’s voice to manipulate him, it reappeared again.

It didn’t seem able to hold its form for long, though.

“It was that thing’s fault.”

It had whispered to him.

That Sean liked him—so he should use those feelings.

That if he acted just enough to make Sean think he was returning his feelings, Sean would stay by his side forever.

“But… if only I hadn’t fallen for it.”

He never even suspected that voice belonged to the curse.

And in the end, it was Raizen who acted on it.

Every time he remembered that truth, a storm of indescribable emotion overtook him.

Raizen still couldn’t name those feelings.

All he could do was endure the onslaught.

His heart swayed back and forth several times a day.

One moment, he wanted to run to Sean and tie him down beside him—and the next, he barely held himself back.

Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore.

He used his magic to find out where Sean was staying, but nothing changed.

He only watched Sean from afar, repeating his name silently, again and again.

But Sean never once responded.

Maybe it was the weight of all those unreturned moments—Raizen had turned into a coward.

He couldn’t even bring himself to say Sean’s name aloud.

It was almost laughable.

He didn’t call out to him—not because he didn’t want to, but because he was afraid Sean wouldn’t answer.

And yet, it wasn’t like he couldn’t say the name at all.

In the necessary moments, the words came on their own.

Usually when talking to Sean directly, or when he needed to stop him.

The first time Raizen realized this, he’d been completely thrown off.

The words were so natural—like breathing—but they caught in his throat like someone was choking him.

His vision darkened and his heart pounded.

Anyone else might’ve laughed.

‘Raizen Pantheon, scared of something like this?’

Of course they’d laugh.

Truthfully, Raizen had almost never felt fear before.

Not even when monsters lunged at him from all sides, trying to tear him apart.

He’d only ever feared one thing: that the world would discover he was cursed.

That he’d be branded as something unnatural.

But not now.

Now, every ounce of his fear stemmed from Sean.

Raizen’s slightly parted lips closed again.

Sean didn’t notice, but it was something that had happened more than once.

Instead, Raizen held his breath and simply watched him—those green eyes, dim with thought; his soft profile and tousled dark-brown hair.

They were just someone else’s features.

Normally Raizen wouldn’t have given them a second glance.

But because they were Sean’s—they were special.

Of course, what he truly wanted to see was Sean’s real face.

Soon, he would. Sean no longer had a reason to hide himself.

But instead of feeling elated, Raizen’s mood sank a little.

“So… he’s really coming back.”

The house Sean had been staying in was already cleared out, empty.

In just a few hours, they’d return together to Pantheon Castle.

No need for ships or security checks—Raizen would simply teleport them.

But for now, Sean had asked to be alone for a little while to collect his thoughts, so they were in the Ruin Guild Master’s office.

There was no going back. Sean had made up his mind. He wouldn’t waver.

“…Sei.”

Raizen called Sean’s name silently.

It was childish—a silent plea for Sean to look away from his thoughts and see him.

And as if by some miracle, Sean’s gaze shifted.

He looked at Raizen—and gave a sheepish smile.

“Ah… sorry. I was just thinking about a lot.”

Then, gently, he reached out and touched Raizen’s fingertips.

“We’re finally going back soon.”

“…”

“Honestly… I’m kind of nervous.”