Water trickled into my open mouth.
I wanted to close it, to refuse, but honestly, I didn’t even have the strength for that.
No matter how much I tried to resist, the moment Raizen tapped my lips and teased them, I had no choice but to open up.
To be fair, he was relentless—to the point of being exhausting.
“All he has to do is not feed me water like this.”
I tried to express that I’d drink on my own if he’d just stop doing it with his mouth, but he ignored me.
In the end, even now, I was still being fed water through Raizen’s lips.
His lips hovered for a moment after finishing their task, brushing lightly against the corner of mine.
But they didn’t linger—they pulled away just as quickly.
A bitter chuckle rose in my throat, though I couldn’t bring myself to let it out.
“What is he even trying to do?”
The heat cycle was over.
My body was a mess, but my mind was clear—and I figured Raizen’s was too.
Even if his consciousness had flickered in and out, the memories of those intimate moments were still burned into my brain.
If I remembered this much despite being half out of it, then Raizen probably remembered it all in vivid detail.
He’d pushed forward with nothing but desire, and yet at times he moved so tenderly, as if he were doing it for my sake.
He chewed up my neck until it was completely raw, then suckled on my lips like they were candy.
“I love you.”
“I’m in love with you.”
Confessions that spilled out with every kiss.
If I remembered all this, then surely Raizen remembered even more—maybe everything.
And yet he acted like he remembered nothing.
He held me close, refused to let go, insisted on feeding me, helping me drink, doing everything for me.
As if he truly loved me.
As if we were just an ordinary Alpha and Omega couple in love.
Even that felt like deception.
My mind told me so.
But still…
“I’m not even angry anymore.”
Was it resignation?
Or did I simply not have the energy left to care?
I wasn’t sure of the answer.
Or maybe… I already knew.
“I could just use divine power to restore my strength.”
Raizen, obsessively doting on me like he was savoring the afterglow, and me, accepting it all as if I had no choice—no, maybe I was the more pathetic one.
I didn’t believe his confessions.
It didn’t feel like love.
It felt like a mix of possessiveness and the primal lust an Alpha feels toward an Omega.
I hadn’t understood that before, but after going through my first real heat cycle, I finally got it.
“Wanting an Alpha as an Omega… it’s a completely different realm from feelings.”
I wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept of “body over heart,” but this was something else.
It was more than desire—it was instinct.
My body craved Raizen, craved an Alpha, on a level I couldn’t control.
That didn’t mean I wanted to share that with just any Alpha during a heat, though.
“Raizen probably has, though.”
Of course, there were still things that didn’t add up.
Raizen had been hovering around me for a while, so why now—why had his rut come out of nowhere this time?
I figured it had to be because we were face-to-face, and he sensed my pheromones.
They say recessive Omegas can never fully hide their pheromones.
Mine were always weak to begin with, but with the right suppressants and deodorizers, I could mask them well enough.
In that state, even a dominant Alpha had to really focus to detect them.
“I always made sure to suppress them when I met Raizen.”
But still, could my pheromones really have triggered this?
“What are you thinking about so hard?”
A low voice whispered into my ear.
The breath that brushed my earlobe made me flinch.
Irritated, I clutched my ear and glared at Raizen.
“Nothing.”
My voice cracked, hoarse and broken, more rust than sound.
Raizen let out a small laugh.
“Liar.”
“I’m not… lying…”
What was the point of saying anything?
I just shut my mouth.
But the more I thought about it, the more it got to me.
“A liar, huh?”
Yeah. It was a lie.
But how could he—of all people—say that to me?
The unfairness of it hit hard, and tears burst out before I could stop them.
“God, I feel insane.”
They say Omegas get extra emotional after a heat.
It was true.
The way my body reacted to every little feeling—it was ridiculous.
“Don’t cry.”
His voice came again, thick with emotion. It was the final straw.
All the feelings I’d been pushing down since I came to my senses spilled over.
I quickly covered my face with both hands as my vision blurred.
“Sei.”
“Stop. Just—please, stop!”
“……”
“What the hell are we even doing? Playing house? Pretending to be in love again, like a year ago? Just sweeping everything under the rug? I can’t do it. I won’t do it again.”
“……”
“Yeah, we slept together. You and me. But that was just—just…!”
Heat. Instinct. An accident.
Those words circled in my head.
But none of them would come out.
They stuck in my throat.
“Just…!”
All I could do was repeat the same word like an idiot.
“So what, we had sex, we went through a heat together—does that mean something now? Don’t tell me it does. Don’t lie to me. Because the more you do, the more I…”
“……”
“…the more I feel completely worthless.”
In the end, I laid it all bare.
Even though I knew feelings meant nothing, I couldn’t stop myself.
A heavy silence settled between us. After a long pause, Raizen finally spoke in a soft voice.
“…I’m sorry.”
Sorry? Sorry for what?
I wanted to ask, but the words wouldn’t come.
And Raizen didn’t offer an explanation.
He didn’t ask, and I didn’t speak.
That was the kind of relationship we had now.
∗ ∗ ∗
His tattered body healed quickly with the use of divine power.
He could have gone home just like that—but the problem was… all his clothes were torn to shreds.
Worse yet, aside from the bed, there wasn’t a single proper piece of furniture in the room, so he couldn’t even check if there were any spare clothes lying around.
‘Why is it so bleak in here?’
From the context, it seemed like this was the place he always used during rut.
Still, even if it was just a room for physical encounters, something felt off.
The fact that the only furniture was a bed was strange enough, but the room didn’t even have a window.
It seemed a bit too small, and there were cracks and burn marks scattered across the wallpaper.
It looked like a cage—like something made to trap a beast.
I could feel his eyes on me as I walked around, barely covering myself with what little remained of my clothes.
Raizen was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the bed.
The posture was oddly familiar, though a bit out of place.
Right—it’s a pose you’d often see from a Korean who’s used to sitting on the floor.
‘But he’s not Korean, so why…’
I paused, unintentionally, as a thought brushed across my mind.
‘No way… Could it be?’
No, that couldn’t be it.
There was no reason for Raizen to remember the time he spent in Korea.
If he did remember…
‘If he did… would anything have been different?’
For some reason, it wasn’t easy to answer.
The hyung I knew wouldn’t have acted like Raizen.
But the truth was, I didn’t really know him at all.
He’d been kind to me, sure—but that could’ve just been the way you treat a cute, younger neighborhood kid.
I had fallen helplessly for the kindness he showed, but thinking about it from his side… I probably wasn’t a very appealing person.
‘I was just a kid. What deep feelings could he have possibly had for some kid, anyway?’
One thing was certain… I never really knew him.
That thought brought an involuntary, bitter smile to my face.
‘I don’t even know myself. And I don’t know the person I loved, either.’
The memories of my time in Korea were fading, little by little.
I couldn’t even remember clearly which part of Seoul I used to live in anymore.
Anyway, the chance that Raizen remembered his time in Korea was slim.
Even if, by some miracle, he did remember, I couldn’t be sure that I had left as strong an impression on him as he had on me.
Pushing aside those useless thoughts, I let go of the last bit of pride I’d been holding on to.
“…Hey.”
“…”
“Can I… get some clothes?”
What was this, a fairytale about a heavenly maiden?
I couldn’t even go home because I had nothing to wear.
