* * *
And the first thing Joel saw after finally dragging himself out was the lifeless bodies of the coachman and the horse.
In that moment, Joel sensed his own death.
He was already gravely injured and couldn’t hold out much longer.
On top of that, a snowstorm was raging, and not even a stray ant could be seen on the road.
There was no hope for rescue in such conditions.
Realizing this, Joel lay down in the snow, surrendering to the inevitable.
As death drew near, the first thing that came to his mind was the past month he had spent with the Crown Prince.
Those thirty days had been pure happiness.
Every day, the Crown Prince began his morning dressed in formal wear Joel had chosen, and ended his night being tended to by Joel.
Whenever Joel missed him and visited his office, the Prince never once showed annoyance—he always greeted Joel with a smile.
Sometimes, it was the Crown Prince who would come looking for him, bringing precious jewels or sweet treats.
To see the person you loved whenever you wanted, to hold them whenever you desired—what an immense happiness that was.
As Joel reminisced about that joyful month, a faint smile appeared on his lips despite the cold and pain.
But that happiness had been fleeting.
“I always knew what kind of person you were, but I didn’t expect you to be this low.”
Joel suddenly remembered the last words the Crown Prince had said to him—remembered the look in his eyes as he spoke them.
Not a single curse word was spoken, yet those words left a wound that Joel couldn’t forget. The contempt in his gaze was unbearable to recall.
If the Prince found out Joel had died like this, would he think it divine punishment?
Maybe—just maybe—this very death had been part of the Crown Prince’s plan all along.
Perhaps he’d wanted to quietly dispose of the fraud who had deceived the royal family.
If that were the case, it was a perfect plan.
With the snow piling up like this, Joel would surely die without being rescued.
No one would witness it, and the body wouldn’t be discovered for a long time.
It was certainly a quieter, more elegant method of execution than beheading.
But Joel didn’t want to die.
He couldn’t die.
If he died now, he’d forever be remembered as a foolish villain who brought disgrace upon the royal family.
He didn’t want the Crown Prince to remember him that way.
Even though he knew, logically, that he was going to die, a desperate hope kept rising in his chest—that somehow he’d be given a chance to make up for what he had done.
Still, if this was punishment, then he had no choice but to accept it.
‘If he saw my corpse… what kind of face would he make?’
Joel wondered as he lay dying.
‘Would he laugh? Feel relief? Be glad it’s finally over?’
He didn’t even dare hope for sorrow.
Considering the Crown Prince’s usually reserved demeanor, Joel imagined he wouldn’t openly rejoice.
More likely, he’d turn away coolly, simply thinking, “Good, that troublesome Omega is finally out of the way.”
Just as he had in that final moment.
Imagining the Prince looking at his corpse and feeling relieved—it made Joel’s heart ache as if it were being torn apart.
He knew he had brought all this upon himself and didn’t deserve to grieve, but even so… Joel hurt.
Even if the Prince only pitied him a little upon seeing his body, Joel felt like he could let go without regret.
But he had committed too great a sin to even wish for that.
“I want to wish for your happiness one last time… but even that, you probably wouldn’t want from me.”
So Joel decided to let go of all thoughts of the Crown Prince and accept death with a calm heart.
His freezing body had stopped feeling pain.
Maybe it was because his heart hurt so much that the physical pain had been numbed by comparison.
Right before everything went dark, Joel felt a single tear roll down his cold cheek.
A tear he had held back for a very long time.
That was the final moment of the first winter Joel remembered.
When Joel next opened his eyes, he found himself one month before the graduation party.
That meant he had returned three months before the moment of his death.
For several days, Joel couldn’t accept what was happening.
Was this a dream he had as he lay dying?
Had he gone mad?
Or was it some god’s twisted game?
But after living through several days that were all too real—because they were, in fact, real—Joel had no choice but to accept the truth: he had traveled back in time.
Once he accepted it, the first thing he resolved to do was forget the Crown Prince.
Of course, making such a decision was not easy.
In truth, Joel still loved him.
Now that he had returned to the time before he had tricked the Crown Prince with a fake pregnancy, the temptation to approach him again kept bubbling up.
But…
“I always knew what kind of person you were, but I didn’t expect you to be this low.”
Joel never wanted to see the Prince’s cold, dead eyes again.
Even during ordinary times, the Prince had often looked at him with contempt—but in that final moment, his gaze had been colder and more merciless than anything Joel had ever known.
If that happened again, Joel might truly die on the spot.
But being the foolish and wretched person he was, Joel had always ended up disappointing the Crown Prince no matter what he did.
So rather than repeat the same kind of tragedy again, he decided to give up on the Crown Prince altogether.
However, if he stayed in the capital, he knew he’d never be able to truly let go of him.
So Joel made a second resolution — to escape to a faraway foreign land.
Running away was a choice for his own sake as well.
In his previous life, his adoptive father had sucked him dry to the marrow, hadn’t he?
After Joel somehow ended up spending a night with the Crown Prince, his adoptive father staged a fake pregnancy scam to secure the position of the Crown Prince’s father-in-law.
And when the lie was exposed, he pinned all the blame on Joel and slithered out of the mess alone.
And that wasn’t the end.
Instead of comforting Joel, who had become the target of public ridicule, the man pressured him even more harshly — telling him to become the prince’s concubine or official mistress once public opinion calmed down.
Up until the scam was exposed, Joel had harbored at least a shred of affection and trust toward his adoptive father.
But once everything fell apart, the man didn’t even try to protect him.
He only used Joel as a meat shield.
That was when Joel came to a painful realization — his adoption had been nothing more than a calculated move to use him from the start.
His adoptive father wanted stronger ties with the royal family.
But his own son was a recessive omega, so he took in Joel — a dominant omega — in a deliberate attempt to pair him with the Crown Prince.
As long as Joel remained a dominant omega and wasn’t rendered infertile, he would be forced to keep clinging to the Crown Prince at his adoptive father’s bidding.
But Joel didn’t want to live like a pawn on someone else’s chessboard again.
He was sick to death of being used.
Living that kind of pathetic life once was enough.
Since he’d been given another chance at life, this time, he wanted to live freely.
So Joel, with his small and pretty head, devised what he thought was a rather plausible escape plan — and began executing it step by step.
Choosing where to escape to wasn’t hard.
Any kingdom sharing a border with the empire valued fluency in the imperial language, so he had options.
Joel secretly contacted people to look for a position as a private tutor, and several foreign nobles responded positively.
From among them, he selected the lord of a territory farthest from the empire and managed to secure a contract with a rather generous salary.
Next, Joel sent his biological father, Lord Bennet, off on a long overseas trip.
Once Joel’s escape was discovered, Count Lucas would surely try to take Lord Bennet hostage.
Though Bennet was confused by the sudden travel plan, Joel didn’t explain the details — he simply pushed his father along.
Because once Bennet found out what kind of treatment Joel had endured in House Lucas, the man — who was even dumber than Joel — would surely act on emotion and ruin everything.
Like, say, charging into the Lucas estate with a sword in hand.
Lord Bennet, a man of frugality, had initially refused to go.
But when Joel — always the sweet, obedient son in front of him — suddenly lashed out like a wildcat, Bennet didn’t know what to do and reluctantly boarded the carriage.
* * *
