Even so, hearing it directly from Grandpa made it real
. It was true—Raizen had endured the rut alone all this time.
That room hadn’t been for spending heats with other omegas. It had been a prison.
“Why?”
Why had he gone to such lengths? It wasn’t just puzzling—it made me sick. What had Raizen been thinking…?
—Sweetheart?
Grandpa’s voice snapped me out of it. I cleared my throat and hurriedly responded.
“Ah, sorry. I was just… thinking.”
—I understand. You must be the most confused right now.
Confused?
His words caught me off guard, and strangely, my eyes stung.
I’d just thought of it as being emotionally complicated.
But hearing him say it… made it feel like the right answer.
“I…”
I opened my mouth, but couldn’t finish the sentence.
Confused. Yeah. That was exactly it.
“…I don’t know.”
Possessiveness. Lust.
I’d thought what Raizen felt for me was a blend of those things.
After we went through heat together, that became painfully clear.
But if I thought about it more deeply, something didn’t add up.
“Then, what about before my manifestation?”
If his obsession with me was just about an alpha’s instinctual draw to an omega, then how do I explain the way he acted toward me before my manifestation?
Was it simply possessiveness toward the only lifeline he had?
If it was just that instinct—what about other omegas?
—Sweetheart.
That endlessly gentle, warm voice flowed through the transmitter.
At one point it had felt unfamiliar, but now it had become comforting.
That voice calmed the storm in my heart.
“Yes, Grandpa.”
—I still don’t know if it’s right for me to say this…
Grandpa paused for a moment before continuing.
—As you know, recessive omegas can’t tolerate dominant alpha pheromones. Just being near one feels threatening. But you’ve never shown fear toward him—Raizen’s pheromones. If anything, it seemed like you welcomed them. That’s not something affection alone can overcome.
His tone was soft but firm, as if he had read my thoughts.
“Something that can’t be overcome just by love…”
From the moment I opened my eyes, Raizen’s pheromones never felt threatening—they felt familiar, welcome.
That’s why I never questioned it much.
—You probably didn’t feel much from the Duke of Pantheon’s pheromones either, which made it even harder to notice how unusual this situation is. He already has a bonded partner, and he’s exceptional at controlling his pheromones. Once he found out you were a recessive omega, he must’ve been even more cautious.
“Yes… that’s right.”
All I could do was nod like a fool.
Even though this was about me, I was realizing so many things for the first time.
—Still. For a recessive omega to get that used to a dominant alpha’s pheromones, the alpha has to put in a lot of effort. Even accounting for the fact that you two manifested at the same time… Tsk. No wonder Raizen’s so good at controlling his pheromones. He had a reason.
“…”
—Anyway, sweetheart. The reason I’m telling you all this is… Honestly, I still don’t think Raizen is good enough for you. Back then, I felt like he’d only bring you pain. Of course, that was just at the time.
I had never heard that before—how our relationship looked through others’ eyes.
Come to think of it, the adults around us knew everything even when we hadn’t said a word.
At the time, I was so focused on the fact that my feelings were obvious that I didn’t consider the rest.
I’d assumed Grandpa reluctantly approved our engagement just because I loved Raizen.
But thinking back, Grandpa isn’t the kind of person to allow an engagement just because of one-sided love.
If he’d believed it was all one-sided, he would’ve stopped me somehow.
“…”
My mouth suddenly felt dry. I licked my lips and asked carefully.
“…Grandpa, what did you see? In me and my brother… I mean, how did it seem to you, the way he looked at me?”
—Well. I don’t know how much value another person’s perspective really holds. Sometimes, even when it’s your own feelings, you can’t see them clearly. Especially if it’s about the heart.
It seemed Grandpa was worried that I’d place too much weight on his words.
“Yes… I understand.”
Even as I said it, I felt a pang of guilt.
The truth was, if this were the old me, I probably would’ve taken his words at face value without question.
After a moment of silence, Grandpa’s voice returned.
-I felt like you were both looking in different directions. At the very least, you knew what name to give your feelings, but that child… he didn’t even seem to realize what his own were. No matter how I looked at it, it was obvious you’d end up hurt. Still…
A soft sigh came through the communicator.
-I truly believed that what Raizen felt for you was love. It’s just that he himself didn’t realize it. That’s why I allowed your engagement. Even though it ended this way. But still, I don’t regret it. If you had stayed by Raizen’s side… things would’ve been even harder for you.
“……”
-Sometimes, you only come to understand things when you’re apart. You two were always together, weren’t you?
Every word from his grandfather felt like it was carving itself into his mind.
Only now did certain things begin to make sense.
“Then… the other two as well…”
He couldn’t bring himself to refer to the Duke and Duchess of Pantheon directly.
Calling them “mother” and “father” wasn’t an option either.
-They seemed to feel the same way I did. Even recently, whenever they saw me, they looked as though they were carrying a heavy guilt.-
So they knew too.
That’s why they didn’t stop him from leaving—why they helped him, despite the pained expressions on their faces.
His heart began to beat faster.
Like his grandfather said, the adults’ perspectives weren’t always the absolute truth.
Believing them blindly could be foolish too.
Yet he couldn’t stop the overwhelming rush of emotion.
His heart, which he had kept tightly bound for so long, was now struggling, trying to break free of its restraints.
-That’s what I think, my dear. We call it love so easily, but the emotion itself is never that simple. The desire to cherish someone, to protect them—that could be romantic love, or it might not be.
His grandfather seemed to be trying to say that defining love by a fixed standard and using that to judge feelings was not the right way.
-Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to help that child realize his own feelings. If he refuses to acknowledge them to the end, that’s his problem. His mistake. A grave one. But… it seems like you still care about him.
“……”
-If that’s the case, then… I just want you to move in a direction that brings you even a little more happiness. So that, when you look back on this moment far in the future, you won’t be burdened by too much regret.
His grandfather’s voice was faintly wet with emotion.
And in that instant, his heart sank.
‘You were worried… all this time.’
He’d always put on a cheerful front during their calls. He even pretended to be doing well, though he never left the house.
But his grandfather had known—he hadn’t stepped outside since settling on Crete Island for nearly a year.
What kind of feeling is it, to be unable to speak up and only watch helplessly?
He couldn’t even begin to imagine.
