* * *
“Ah, yes. She did give me something.”
I slowly lifted my eyelids at Alexander’s words and reached into the inner pocket of my robe.
Only then did I recall the note I had received from Kerelona.
She had asked me to deliver it when I reached Gazette.
I had originally intended to ask about this as well, but the revelation about Kaindel had been so shocking that it had completely slipped my mind.
As I rummaged through my pocket, my fingertips finally brushed against a neatly folded piece of paper, pressed tightly as if it had been handled carefully. It was undoubtedly the note from Kerelona.
I unfolded it, revealing its contents, scribbled in her familiar handwriting.
[Who was the ‘fifth’ companion of the Hero, whose existence has been buried in silence?]
The message was exactly what I had expected.
I read the same line multiple times, then handed the note over to Alexander.
“Here.”
“Hm.”
Taking the note from me, Alexander read it carefully.
“‘Fifth’… ‘Five’…”
He repeated the number under his breath, as if turning it over in his mind.
After a moment of silent contemplation, he placed the note down.
“What do you think, Isa?”
“You mean about the contents of the note?”
“Yes.”
“……I.”
My lips parted slightly, then shut again.
The words that had been forming in my mind crumbled away.
My eyes darted about before lowering to the floor.
At first, I had been shocked that Kaindel had decided to reveal my existence as his companion.
A part of me resented him for waiting until now, yet another part of me felt relieved that he was finally doing it.
More than anything, I worried about what he hoped to accomplish by revealing this information.
But the more I learned about Kaindel’s actions—about their plans—the more my feelings shifted.
If Kaindel had truly chosen to disclose our relationship, despite the risk to his reputation, then this wasn’t an act for his own sake.
I had assumed that everything Kaindel did was for himself.
But that no longer seemed to be the case.
So, what was he planning to sacrifice this time to bring down the princess’s scheme?
My thoughts reached that point before pausing.
I looked up at Alexander, who was still waiting for my response.
I couldn’t quite grasp why he was asking me this.
Why ask what I thought?
No matter how I answered, they wouldn’t halt their plans or change their course.
So it wasn’t about whether or not I approved of the plan itself.
“I never had any desire to be acknowledged as the Hero’s companion. I didn’t follow Kaindel to earn that title—I followed him simply because I liked him.”
“Ah.”
“So if you’re asking whether I’m happy to finally be recognized as his companion, I don’t think I am. Because I never needed that recognition to begin with.”
It didn’t matter if I was never acknowledged as the Hero’s companion.
As long as I could stay by Kaindel’s side, I was willing to endure being called a concubine or being ridiculed for my gray hair.
What truly disappointed me was that Kaindel had lied to me.
That he had deliberately hidden me, pretending he had no choice, while secretly pulling the strings all along.
But after hearing his reasons, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
Had he really done it for himself?
Back then, I had been drugged, too dazed to stand before the public.
Even if Kaindel had chosen not to reveal me afterward, I was certain his reasoning had something to do with me.
That’s what made me hesitate.
Should I try to understand this?
If I did, would that mean I had to forgive him?
That was why I had come all this way—to Gazette—searching for an answer.
“If Kaindel is choosing to reveal our past, our relationship—if he’s doing this now—what does he hope to gain from it?”
“Hm…”
“Alexander, I’m not smart. Kaindel was the one who first taught me how to read. I’ve lived as a commoner my whole life, only hearing bits and pieces about the wider world. So I honestly don’t understand what’s happening right now, or what I’m supposed to do in all of this. I don’t even understand why you’re asking me this question.”
“Go on.”
“I wasn’t sure, so I came to see you, Alexander.”
The Pope told me that if I ever encountered something I couldn’t figure out alone, I should go to Gazette.
Even if I went to Gazette, my confusion wouldn’t disappear immediately, but at least I might find a reason that could help clear it up.
Following that advice, I came here, and slowly, the issue that had felt so vague was starting to take shape.
Yet, it still wasn’t entirely clear.
“If Kaindel chose to reveal this for my sake, should I try to understand him? Or should I just assume that because he was struggling, my pain meant nothing to him? I don’t know, Alexander. I really don’t know.”
“……”
“The princess is trying to expose my existence to sway public opinion, isn’t she? Since I was once a revered companion of the Hero, the nobles who have already begun to be seen in a bad light due to the sponsorship party will only be viewed even worse. After all, by hiding one of the Hero’s companions for their own desires and political interests, they would appear even more corrupt. Not to mention, that hidden companion is a commoner.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“But if it were Kaindel, he would have framed it in a way that emphasized the royal family’s responsibility. From what I’ve seen so far, that’s how he operates. For example, he would have stressed that His Majesty the King, knowing about my relationship with Kaindel, pressured him into marrying the princess… Or perhaps, he would have revealed that the one who spread the rumor of me being a courtesan was actually the princess herself.”
“You’re exactly right. Your intuition is frightening, Isa. That’s correct.”
Alexander nodded in confirmation, his voice low.
Then, extinguishing the fire in the hearth, he set the teapot down on the table.
“The Hero wanted to publicly expose that the one who spread rumors about you was the princess. Not just that—he also planned to reveal that the rumor about him going insane was her doing as well.”
“That does sound like something Kaindel would do. But… but.”
“Yes, go on.”
“I just don’t understand what Kaindel is trying to gain by exposing his own disgrace and making himself the center of gossip.”
The sponsorship party, the fact that he was with another man, the truth that one of the Hero’s companions had been hidden away in secrecy—none of these were things that worked in Kaindel’s favor.
If anything, revealing them only put him at a disadvantage.
There was no real benefit for him in having people find out.
Of course, I knew that Kaindel regretted what he had done and wanted to make things right.
But even knowing that, I couldn’t quite grasp what he was willing to destroy himself for.
No… maybe I did understand.
I just didn’t want it to be true.
Because if my thoughts were correct, I would start to waver.
“Isn’t it you, Isa?”
But the moment Alexander said that, all my hopes shattered into pieces.
Alexander shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, his voice unwavering.
“You’re not going to tell me you didn’t know, are you?”
“…I knew that I was the reason Kaindel decided to interfere with the princess’s plans. He told me so himself. But…”
“Yes?”
“…I guess I was still hoping that wasn’t the case.”
In the end, I lowered my head.
“I was hoping it wasn’t, so I asked.”
“What do you want to do now, Isa?”
“…What?”
“Now that you know the Hero did all of this for you, what do you want to do?”
“Oh.”
Only then did I understand the intent behind Alexander’s question.
But I still didn’t have an answer.
“That’s the thing.”
“……”
Even now, I had no idea what to say.
Even if I understood Kaindel’s situation, could I bring myself to accept it?
And if I did understand, did that mean I had to forgive him?
Did I even want to forgive him?
And if I did… what kind of relationship would I want us to have afterward?
“I’m still thinking about it.”
Really, nothing about this was clear.
“But sometimes, there are questions without answers.”
* * *
