Farewell to the hero! chapter 48

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When I lightly chided him, Kaindel laughed again.

His eyes, mischievous yet innocent, looked up at me as his face pressed against my chest.

The look in his eyes reminded me of a child curiously tearing the wings off a butterfly.

Somehow, it overlapped with the image I had seen in the mist—the way he had kissed me like marking his territory while still searching for someone else.

The memory flashed before my eyes, and I unconsciously covered Kaindel’s eyes with my hand.

His green eyes, shining under the moonlight, disappeared beneath my palm.

Without any explanation, Kaindel waited patiently for me to remove my hand, just as he had that day.

Though the situation surrounding us was different, our positions remained the same.

“Isa.”

He softly called my name, and in response, I lifted my hand.

Slowly, I pushed back his damp bangs.

His smooth, golden hair fell away, revealing his neatly shaped eyebrows and forehead.

As I carefully stroked his forehead, I hesitated.

Kaindel often complimented me, calling me beautiful. It wasn’t something he said just once or on special occasions.

I also understood that for him, touching me wasn’t something that required a lot of courage or a big decision.

Whenever he had the chance, Kaindel would reach out to me, away from the eyes of others, and I didn’t push him away because I didn’t dislike it.

But…

The more I let my thoughts wander, the heavier the feeling in my stomach grew.

I swallowed nervously, biting the inside of my cheek.

My eyes darted to the arms wrapped around my waist, then back up to his face.

Perhaps I was overthinking it, or maybe I was being overly sensitive.

Still, the fact that Kaindel seemed to watch someone else through me, and that he clearly knew how I felt while I remained in the dark about his true feelings, bothered me.

I knew better than anyone that this was a one-sided emotion.

Yet, for something one-sided, Kaindel was far too casual in his physical affection.

He never allowed me to let go of this one-sided hope, constantly giving me just enough to hold on.

The sound of his laughter when I broke Mother’s egg echoed unexpectedly in my ears, like a reverberating memory.

His laugh had carried a raw, unfiltered interest, striking my ears like the shattering of glass.

At that moment, I suddenly began to question our relationship.

Something I had never doubted before now felt uncertain.

I had been too scared to uncover the truth and let things slide until we had reached this point—now, I wasn’t sure if this was right.

“…Kaindel, you know…”

“Hmm?”

When I finally broke the long silence, Kaindel raised an eyebrow.

Lowering my hand from his forehead, I continued softly.

“When you act like this, it makes me misunderstand.”

“Misunderstand?”

Kaindel blinked in surprise, his thick lashes fluttering.

His expression, utterly clueless about what I was saying, seemed to ask for an explanation.

“It makes me think… you might like me.”

I forced each word out in a strained voice, placing my hand on his broad shoulder.

Kaindel knew that I liked him.

And so, I had always believed that when he made up his mind, our relationship would naturally progress.

But when we kissed in that tree, trying to escape the goblins, I suddenly realized…

Realizing that merely clinging to the hope Kaindel offered, like a handout, would lead to nothing changing was something I couldn’t shake.

The sense that this was wrong refused to leave me.

“You’re always disappointed because you misunderstand.”

“…….”

“It’s happened before, and it’s happening now. It will happen again.”

I tried my best not to mention how my mood would rise and fall with his every action.

It wasn’t just out of pride.

I held back because I didn’t want my one-sided feelings to become a burden for Kaindel.

I was afraid that if I laid my heart bare, it would seem like I was asking for something in return.

Of course, I had no intention of forcing him to feel the same way.

I was just curious.

I wanted to know what was going on in Kaindel’s mind—kind to me yet chasing after someone else.

Though I already had an idea, I wanted to hear it directly from him.

“Kaindel, do you like me?”

“I’m not sure.”

Kaindel stretched out his words, as if mulling over my question, before responding with another.

“What do you think?”

“I think love isn’t something you can be confused about.”

It’s impossible to mistake feelings as overwhelming as love.

Like the day Kaindel gave me flowers, I knew immediately that it was love.

So, what Kaindel’s uncertainty about his feelings meant was clear.

His reaction hadn’t changed since when Owen asked him about his true feelings.

Kaindel doesn’t love me.

Not yet.

“So, I don’t think you do.”

In the end, I spoke the words I didn’t want to accept.

My chest ached.

My toes curled, feeling numb from being exposed to cold water for too long.

It was probably just the winter chill. It would pass when spring came.

I shivered, mumbling to myself, and pulled my hand away from his body.

“Kissing is something only lovers do. Not people like us, who aren’t anything to each other.”

“Isa.”

“Hugging is the same.”

I lightly tapped his arms wrapped around my waist—a signal for him to let go.

But Kaindel remained still, not understanding.

Left with no choice, I pried his arms off my waist and took a few steps back.

“Kaindel, if you’re not going to love me, at least don’t give me false hope.”

“……What do you mean?”

“Sometimes, what you consider polite behavior gives me hope. The hope that maybe you’ll love me.”

“Ah, hope.”

“I know this is presumptuous, but could you help me just a little? Then I’ll get my feelings in order. It’ll be hard to act like nothing from the start, but I’ll try. I’m used to sorting my feelings, so I won’t make you uncomfortable. I promise.”

“You’re used to it?”

“Yeah.”

Kaindel narrowed his brow slightly, seemingly displeased by something I said.

That small change disappeared before I could even question the reason.

“But if, by any chance, I matter to you, could you be honest with me?”

I can wait forever. My voice trembled as I muttered.

It was the result of all the hope I had suppressed.

It’s impossible to passionately kiss someone without any feelings for them.

So, I believed Kaindel didn’t feel nothing for me.

Even if his feelings weren’t the same as mine in intensity or form, he must have felt something.

But I was too exhausted to wait quietly until that something turned into love.

Perhaps seeing Kaindel with the fairy had made me more impatient.

“I’m confessing to you now, Kaindel.”

“…….”

“Seriously.”

I declared it, in case he didn’t understand.

The reason I was saying this was to change our relationship.

I wanted to be with him as his lover.

No matter what happened in the future, it felt like everything would be okay if I could just stay by his side.

Rather than drowning in this growing love, I would rather be near him, even just breathing.

“I’ll go first.”

“Wait.”

“Not now.”

I looked down at him holding my wrist and smiled bitterly.

This is why I can’t let go of foolish hope. Kaindel is unnecessarily kind, making me misunderstand.

Even though I wasn’t planning on letting go of the tight rope connecting us just yet, continuing like this would only make things harder.

Until Kaindel decided whether or not to take the hand I offered, we needed some distance.

“Let go for now.”

Please.

As I added that softly, Kaindel’s grip loosened.

I slowly walked away, putting more and more distance between us as Kaindel watched me silently.

With all the words I had been holding inside finally spoken, my mind felt as blank as a sheet of paper.

Swallowing the rising wave of numbness, I straightened my back.

I didn’t want my retreating figure to look like I was running away.

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