‘What is it?’
He had been like this even while we were doing it, but I could understand that since he was intensely aroused.
But now that he had even climaxed, I didn’t know why he was so spaced out.
I was anxious, wanting him to give me an answer quickly, and was about to get up.
“Ah.”
Suddenly, Taehwan raised his voice.
“Condom.”
The word that abruptly popped out of Taehwan’s lips was too different from what I had expected.
I was relieved that it wasn’t the worst-case scenario I had imagined, but at the same time, I was so taken aback by the unexpectedness that I felt only absurdity.
My eyes widened.
Condom.
I had heard of it, but what exactly was it?
“Condom… What is that?”
“A contraceptive device. It’s a rubber sheath you put on your penis. It also prevents STDs, and you must use it when you have sex. But I, I didn’t think we’d actually do it. Did I not have any at home? I had some but threw them all away… I thought if I kept them, I might use them. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself. But, it was pointless to throw them away. I went completely crazy, and without a condom, I just… did it with you.”
Looking at me with blank eyes, Taehwan rambled on incoherently for a long time.
What did he mean by that?
He wasn’t answering my confession.
I blinked, utterly confused, when Taehwan suddenly jumped up from the bed and started putting on his clothes.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be right back after buying some.”
“…Huh?”
Buying some?
What. Condoms?
We’ve already had sex.
He came completely inside me, so what’s the point now?
“Why suddenly… Taehwan!”
I desperately tried to get up and grab him, but I couldn’t reach Taehwan, who had turned his back to me without hesitation.
Despite my calling, he didn’t look back and quickly left the room.
I belatedly forced my stiff body up to follow him, but the front door slamming shut with a bang was faster than me seeing his back.
I stood blankly in the hallway, staring at the closed front door.
Just in case, I looked around, but Taehwan was nowhere.
His shoes were gone, too.
He really left.
“Oh…”
I couldn’t believe it.
He just left like that?
Im Taehwan, leaving me?
After having sex with me, without tidying anything up, or offering any explanation or justification?
‘This is worse than the worst.’
I thought nothing could be worse than having my feelings rejected, but no.
This was worse.
I was so confused; I felt like my mind and my entire body were turning pitch black, as if covered in graphite powder, and I needlessly rubbed my face.
Then, a sudden thought struck me.
If there was one ‘reason’ that could explain this absurd situation… it must be this.
‘Does he mean for me to leave while he’s gone…?’
That was the agreement in the first place.
That he wouldn’t stop me from leaving the house if I could have sex with Im Taehwan.
Since we actually did it, and the condition was met, I could leave now.
There would be no problem.
But…
“ …H-How could he do this.”
If that was the case, couldn’t he have just said we should end our cohabitation?
Couldn’t he have helped me wash up and seen me off one last time?
If he just walks out like this…
‘Did he hate it that much?’
He clearly looked pleased, and he came so much inside me.
As I relaxed my muscles below, the evidence of mixing our bodies flowed out.
I pressed down on my belly, which still felt numb.
When I pressed repeatedly, more flowed out.
Eventually, unable to withstand the sorrow, teardrops began to fall down my cheeks.
I bit down on my lip to stop the emotions from bursting out further.
“Mmmph.”
The semen flowing down my thighs looked like it would stain the carpet.
I quickly wiped the flowing semen with my hand and tightened my muscles below, and this time my anus closed tightly.
As if it had forgotten that it had been stretched into Taehwan’s shape.
Though I felt a crushing sadness again, I wiped my tears and headed to the bathroom to wash.
—Click.
I closed the door and simply sat down in the bathtub.
As soon as I relaxed my muscles below, I heard the plop, plop sound of semen dropping into the tub.
“Ugh…”
In that moment, I felt so utterly miserable.
I had just been with Taehwan, and what was flowing out now was the result of being with Taehwan, yet I was alone.
It was the bathroom I usually used, a very ordinary space, but today it felt especially wide, and the air felt chilling.
If this was how it was going to be, what on earth was he thinking going all the way?
The guy who told me not to eat dirty things alone, even kissing me—why was he abandoning me now, after we had sex?
“How do I… get this out?”
Since people don’t usually carry semen around in their bellies, I thought it would be best to remove it.
Especially because there was a large amount.
I pressed my belly, waiting for what was inside to come down.
My face flushed red every time semen dripped from inside the hole.
But even after trying to remove it, a foreign sensation still remained.
It seemed that since Taehwan was large enough to make my stomach bulge when fully inserted, and he climaxed while mostly still inside, the semen was very deep, very sticky, and there was a lot of it, making it difficult to remove.
“…”
What should I do?
After agonizing over it, I had no choice but to insert my finger.
When I placed my finger at the entrance, I felt a sudden repulsion, but no other method came to mind.
Taehwan put his in, so…
After taking a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed my longest finger, my middle finger, inside.
I tried to reach the deepest part possible to scrape the semen out.
But my finger was too slender, and its length was much shorter compared to Taehwan’s object.
I managed to scrape some out, but it seemed difficult to reach the point where the semen had been deposited.
And… I kept recalling him. Taehwan.
The moment Taehwan’s finger was inside me.
“When Taehwan did it… it felt much, better…”
Taehwan’s finger alone had made me dizzy, but I felt like two, or even three, of my own fingers wouldn’t be satisfying.
Both Taehwan’s finger and his member felt incomparably better than my own finger.
When I accepted him inside me, I thought I was going to tear, but as he tightly filled my inside and began to press the spots I felt pleasure from, my breathing quickly grew ragged, and my mind became so fuzzy that I couldn’t think of anything else…
“Ah, haa…”
At some point, my finger lost its original purpose.
It was searching for the spot that made me feel good instead of semen.
I thought the spot where Taehwan thrust inside me and made me feel good was around here, but either I couldn’t reach it or I lacked the knack, because despite my efforts, I didn’t feel any fulfillment.
My lower lip trembled.
The unresolved desire welled up as sorrow.
It seemed I really couldn’t do it alone.
I needed Taehwan. But…
“What if he really meant for me to leave while he was gone…?”
I recalled the sight of him rushing out of the house without listening to a word I said.
His face had been quite shocked.
His hurried steps looked like he was fleeing.
Was sleeping with me such a terrible thing that it warranted a face like that?
I… I was happy to do it with Taehwan.
Was that why he was even more shocked?
My body shivered.
I felt like I was trapped in a very, very deep abyss.
My vision was blacking out, I felt cold, my ears were ringing, and my senses were dulling.
I was afraid I would just sink deeper and deeper.
“Calm down.”
I managed to open my mouth.
With that monologue, I tapped my forehead, trying to regain control of my mind, which was spiraling down endlessly.
It was true that I was suddenly abandoned without a word of explanation after the act, but everything else was still purely my imagination.
I hadn’t heard it directly.
It was useless to imagine, blame myself, and grieve on my own.
I needed to talk to him.
I needed to hear his explanation for why he slept with me and why he suddenly left the house.
So, for now, I decided not to leave. If I left the house, the conversation would be delayed.
Things that could be easily resolved as a simple misunderstanding or smoothed over with an immediate conversation could cause emotional wounds later on if time passed.
So, even if I was going to leave, it had to be after we talked.
“ …Running away and avoiding it won’t solve anything.”
Even if his words did mean for me to leave the house while he was gone, I needed to hear it directly.
—Ding-dong. Beep. Beep. Beep.
The sound of the front door lock being opened was heard.
My head snapped up instantly.
I had already contacted the housekeeper before all this happened, telling her not to come today.
So, it must be Taehwan.
I quickly washed my hands and my lower body with water.
But despite moving in a hurry, I hesitated in front of the door for a long time. I didn’t know what face to show Taehwan.
‘Just like normal.’
I regulated my breathing and opened the door.
As if he had been waiting for me, Taehwan was standing in front of the bathroom. And in his hand was a black plastic bag.
Did he really go out to buy condoms?
And not for some other reason…?
While I was deep in thought, trying to understand the situation, Taehwan asked.
“Why… are you still here?”
