* * *
The hand gently massaging my aching back was surprisingly tender.
Unbelievably so, considering he was the cause of this pain.
I lay face down on the bed, eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of the hands kneading my waist.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to playfully knock his head just once.
‘…Where is there to hit on that small child?‘
I involuntarily thought that and then paused.
…To say there’s nowhere to hit, well, is his body size too large?
I squirmed slightly, feeling unnecessarily awkward even though I knew no one could hear the thought in my head.
Perhaps sensing my discomfort from that small movement, Hesia’s voice came from above as he took his hands off my waist.
“Ah, I’m sorry! Are you very uncomfortable? Where does it hurt? If you don’t want to tell me, should I call a physician? The after-effects shouldn’t be this… bad.”
Hesia, who had poured out a stream of words in that short time, was at a loss for what to do.
I lifted my head and saw Hesia bolt upright from the bed, looking ready to summon a physician at any moment.
I couldn’t help but know why Hesia was acting like a nervous groom on his first night, even though we had been intimate more than once or twice.
I stared at him for a moment, then slowly reached out and grabbed the hem of his sleeve.
Even with a touch that bore no weight at all, Hesia was easily anchored in place.
“Where are you going?”
“Uh, huh? To call the physician…”
“You don’t need to. Sit here and massage my waist.”
At my words, delivered with a yawn and a slightly crooked head, Hesia fretfully shuffled his feet.
Then, with a resigned look, he sat down on the bed as I instructed.
Was it because of his flushed face?
I felt like the one making an outrageous demand of a young groom.
It was a funny thought for me, knowing that the most outrageous person between the two of us was Hesia.
“Is it because of the mistake? I told you that wasn’t a mistake, and even if it was, it’s not a big deal.”
At my words, Hesia looked suffocated.
Hesia wiped his face several times and with great difficulty pulled away the hand that was clutching his clothes.
Then, very naturally, he laced his fingers between mine.
Hesia firmly held my hand, as if to tell me he would never let go, and pressed his temple with the other hand.
After staring at me with a complicated expression for a moment, Hesia pulled my hand closer and kissed the back of it.
“It’s not because of that… I was truly, truly worried that Vivi was feeling unwell. And I know! I know… that what I came wasn’t a mistake…”
His face looked completely unconvinced for someone claiming he knew it too.
However, if I teased him any further, he really would cry, so I just smiled.
Hesia, who somehow read my thoughts from my smiling face, grumbled something.
It was intermittently broken, so I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like he was asserting his innocence.
Although, with his neck also flushed red, I couldn’t really believe it.
Instead of adding more words to provoke Hesia’s anger, I pulled his arm.
Hesia, who crumbled like a sandcastle washed away by a wave, lay on my stomach.
The body covering my upper torso was warm.
I absentmindedly kneaded Hesia’s soft cheek as was my habit, and at some point, I felt sleepiness slowly creeping in.
“Vivi, you’ve gotten warm. Are you sleepy?”
“A little…?”
“Then sleep, Vivi.”
Hesia, who uncannily noticed my body temperature had risen, chuckled softly and rubbed his face against my cheek.
How much time passed after that?
In my sleep, I heard someone calling Hesia from outside the door.
Perhaps it was urgent, as Hesia gave permission for them to enter.
The door opened after the permission was granted, and someone came in.
I thought I also heard Hesia ominously murmuring, ‘He found out sooner than expected,’ but…
The moment I tried to open my eyes, wondering if something was wrong, Hesia placed his hand on my eyelids, preventing me from confirming it.
“Vivi, it’s nothing, so keep sleeping. Nothing is going on.”
“……”
“Because I will make sure of it.”
I wanted to ask what he meant by that, but no words came out.
The person covering my body like a blanket made a laugh that resembled a purring sound.
“Sleep well, Vivi. Don’t have any dreams. Even if it is a dream, don’t let anyone but me hug you or adore you.”
‘Otherwise, I don’t know what kind of unsightly things I’ll do, blinded by jealousy.’
It was bewildering that he was murmuring a threat that had not a single ounce of loveliness in a loving voice.
I smiled faintly and surrendered myself to the sleepiness that clung to my ankles, just like Hesia.
Was it because the last thing I heard before drifting off was the purring sound Hesia made while lying on my chest?
In the dream that night, a light pink cat appeared.
A cat the size of a tiger, at that.
And this cat, shamelessly, as if its massive size was nothing to be embarrassed about, rested its two front paws on my chest and purred contentedly.
I struggled for a long time to escape the front paws that felt like a thousand pounds of weight.
When I finally opened my eyes, Hesia, looking exactly as he did when I fell asleep, greeted me.
And he was reading documents while lying comfortably on my stomach, seemingly having urgent paperwork to attend to.
His eyes, which had been rapidly scanning the sentences, somehow noticed that I was awake.
His gaze, directed straight at me, was unwavering as always.
“Vivi.”
Hesia called my name in a low voice, as if sharing a secret, and chuckled softly.
“Did you sleep well?”
The whispering voice tickled my ear.
It felt as if someone had blown air into my ear.
I instinctively raised my hand to brush my ear, and Hesia made a strange expression.
“What’s wrong… Did my voice sound that unpleasant? If so, you should tell me. If you had told me earlier, I would have found a way to change my voice.”
“Why is our Sia in a bad mood again…”
It was a rather absurd thing to hear right after waking up.
However, having learned through several repetitions that he didn’t mean it sincerely but was merely saying it to get my attention, I mumbled in a voice still groggy with sleep.
At my words, which I let out while blinking slowly, Hesia casually tossed the documents he was holding somewhere.
Then, he deeply buried his face in my stomach and mumbled.
“How did you know I was in a bad mood?”
“How could I not know, Sia, when I’ve looked at you for so long? Is it because of me? Because I didn’t play with you while I was sleeping?”
I hugged Hesia and asked, soothing him as one would comfort a cat that was sulking because its owner wouldn’t play with it while sleeping.
He had crumpled his large body, but it wasn’t enough.
I gathered and held Hesia, who filled and overflowed my embrace.
Hesia, who was accustomed to being treated like a child, also readily accepted being treated like a cat.
“…It’s just because I saw an unpleasant report. I’m not sulking because Vivi didn’t play with me. I was the one who told you to sleep first! Do I look like a person so petty that I would sulk after telling Vivi to sleep first?!”
“Yes. …No.”
“Is it yes or no?”
“It’s no.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Are you really sure?”
“I told you so.”
“Are you re—,”
“Sha, Hesia, if you ask me if I’m really sure one more time, know that I won’t comfort you ever again.”
Hesia knew, and I knew, that I couldn’t possibly do that to him.
However, Hesia immediately hunched his body like a child who had heard a very, very scary warning, and just blinked his eyes meekly.
His long, thick eyelashes fluttered slowly.
It looked just like a butterfly gently beating its delicate wings.
As his eyelashes went up and down, shadows repeatedly appeared and vanished in the eyes that stared at me.
It was a fleeting moment that felt like an eternity.
Would it be an exaggeration to say I saw our eternity in that brief moment?
But in that instant, I did see our eternity.
The young boy who used to growl at me a long time ago, the child who cried, asking to go with me.
And my boy, who finally came back.
I haven’t told anyone, including him, but the truth is, I wanted to teach him everything.
That he should cry when he needs to cry, that just enduring everything isn’t the solution, and that being alone is lonely, but sometimes one must also be able to stand on one’s own…
“…The truth is, Sia, I wanted to see you become an adult.”
And how to become an adult.
In a very low voice, even lower, so it could reach Hesia, who had descended to the lowest place for me.
“Because I was too hurt becoming an adult. I wanted to raise you into an adult who wouldn’t know pain.”
“……”
“Some say that one must suffer to become an adult. Well… that’s a statement made out of ignorance. If pain were a requirement for becoming an adult, that would be too unreasonable. You, we, should have become adults ages ago, Sia, don’t you think so? …If I had known this, I would have loved you more back then.”
I stroked Hesia’s hair, which was resting long on my stomach, whispering with a voice tinged with laughter.
Hesia was silent for a long time, then asked with a somewhat desolate expression.
“You truly, completely have no future, do you?”
He asked.
I couldn’t give him any answer, so I just looked at his delicate face and smiled a little.
* * *
