* * *
“Ah.”
“Yeah. Between guys, you put it in here.”
Taehwan’s long, dark lashes lowered quietly.
With a face devoid of any emotion—so indifferent it felt almost cold—he slipped his hand into my pants, parted my buttocks, and started probing around the lower hole.
“Just like how I did it in your mouth today, I’d put my penis in here—thrust it in, again and again, and then come. That’s sex. An act where people who love each other share their feelings.”
Each time he said the word “thrust,” his fingers pressed more insistently against the entrance, like they might dig in at any second.
My whole body tensed up reflexively, clenching to keep him out.
Blood rushed to my face—it felt like I might explode.
Only now did I finally understand why Taehwan had described doing things with someone you love as “something dirtier.”
To think that an “act of love” involved putting your penis there, into the anus…
Why would anyone do that…?
Especially with someone they love?
Wouldn’t that ruin your body?
I mean, sure, it went in the throat too, so maybe it’s not impossible, but still…
The intestines are delicate…
I was utterly confused, but Taehwan looked completely calm.
He still hadn’t moved his hand from my lower hole as he asked:
His clear brown eyes reflected me.
“Jaehee. Are you really gay? Could you actually have gay sex?”
Soaking in warm bath water always made me feel like I was floating on a cloud, but today felt a little different.
I found myself awkwardly touching that part of my body, overly conscious of it.
The tight, wrinkled opening was firmly closed—it didn’t seem like it would ever allow anything in.
But… even so, there are people who do put it in.
A penis, no less.
Hugging my knees, I curled into a ball and rested my lips against my arm.
“Why there, of all places…”
No matter how much I thought it over, I couldn’t understand.
That’s an exit, not an entrance.
A place meant for getting rid of dirty stuff.
Of course, considering the male body only has this and the mouth as possible options for, well, that, maybe there’s no choice…
But no matter how I looked at it, this just felt wrong.
I had a vague but firm sense of rejection.
“Jaehee. Are you really gay? Could you have gay sex?”
Even as he asked me that, Taehwan’s large hand had been covering my stomach.
One hand resting on the place where you “plant the seed,” the other probing the hole where that “seed” would go.
It felt like he was completely in control of the beginning and end points of the act of sex.
‘I… I…’
Taehwan’s hands were warm, their presence undeniable—and the areas his fingertips touched were unfamiliar with others’ touch, yet extremely sensitive.
Sure, Taehwan had changed my diapers and washed my body before, so maybe it was nothing to him, but not to me.
Anything happening below the waist still felt unfamiliar.
Especially sensations like this, ones I’d never felt in childhood—this kind of sexual stimulation hit me too intensely.
My brain couldn’t function properly from being so hyper-aware of his fingers.
When I tried to think, my head just spun in circles and felt like it would burst.
I tensed so hard from nerves that I thought I might pass out.
That endlessly long moment finally passed, and Taehwan pulled his hand away from me.
“Even if you can do it, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like you love me that way. I’m your friend.”
“Even if you really are gay, it’s fine as long as you don’t see me as a ‘man.’ So don’t worry and just keep living here. Be comfortable.”
“Jaehee, even if you’re gay, I really don’t care. Nothing will change. Don’t worry.”
Those were words I should have been grateful for, and yet… something felt off.
Taehwan really did seem completely unaffected, just like he said.
Was he truly okay with me being gay?
Even the kiss with Haeco passed surprisingly smoothly.
And…
“Even though we kissed…”
Taehwan had called it “cleaning,” but the more I thought about it… how is that any different from a kiss?
Even if the part where he took in the semen from my mouth and stirred it around to erase the taste—that part could technically be “cleaning”—what he did after that felt a lot more like a real kiss.
He didn’t try to rinse out my mouth or anything.
It felt like he was just focused on mixing breath and tongue with mine…
He even smiled every time I moaned from pleasure—wasn’t that a kiss?
Did he not realize he’d lost track of his original purpose halfway through?
Did he just get carried away?
I guess I got carried away too.
I had suffered from swallowing something huge, so maybe he was just trying to comfort me.
Taehwan is kind like that.
I rubbed my lips gently against my arm.
The feeling still lingered.
It wasn’t even my first kiss, but I kept thinking about it over and over again like some fool.
“I… kind of liked it.”
If that kiss had lasted a little longer, something bad might’ve happened.
Thankfully, my body didn’t respond as strongly as it could have—given how the partner made it feel so dangerously good.
If I’d gotten hard then…
Taehwan’s response might’ve changed.
“No way. Even if it felt good, it was Taehwan…”
No, I need to stop.
Sitting still like this just leads me down weird thought paths.
I sprang to my feet and turned on the shower, letting cold water pour over my body.
There were still things on my mind, but at least I’d made up with Taehwan.
Well, “made up” might be a bit much—we were both too exhausted, so we just laid side by side and slept all day, lost in dreams.
We only talked properly over dinner, and for now, I decided to keep staying at Taehwan’s house.
It felt kind of wrong, but Taehwan, being the homeowner, was firm about it.
And the fact that he built this house for me made it hard to insist on leaving.
Even though we kissed, Taehwan seemed completely unbothered, like it hadn’t meant much.
So I didn’t really have a good reason to say I should move out.
Arguing about it would’ve just stirred up unnecessary trouble.
But as for me… I wasn’t sure if I could still feel as comfortable as before.
“Just in case, I should look into the welfare system for Hunters.”
After seeing the reward from the dungeon Wind Hole and impulsively saying I’d buy a house—only to get scolded by Taehwan—I had a lot to think about.
Even if I had the money for a house, moving with my younger siblings, who just started high school, didn’t seem like a great idea.
If I were to seriously plan a move, it would be better three years from now—after their entrance exams.
By then, I’d be an established Hunter with savings, and it would be a good time to set up a new home.
So, if—if—I end up needing to leave Taehwan’s place before then, I’d probably live alone.
Though it feels unlikely… who knows?
Taehwan could suddenly start dating someone, or some other reason might pop up that makes living together impossible. I should prepare just in case.
The timing wasn’t bad.
Today, instead of heading to the guild, I had been contacted by Cha Taeyang to go straight to the Bureau.
For the usual routine report.
“Jehee!”
Not long after getting out of the lady’s car that dropped me off, I ran into Cha Taeyang.
I’d gotten used to him calling out loudly even in a crowd, and to the way he’d throw his arm around my shoulder without hesitation.
“Jehee, Jehee. You look good today. Must’ve slept like a baby, huh?”
“Yeah, thanks to you. I appreciate it.”
“What do you mean thanks to me? You did all the work. Glad things worked out.”
He was saying it modestly, but his expression clearly screamed, “Come on, praise me more! Be grateful!”— which made things a little awkward.
What else could I compliment him on?
I was racking my brain, but thankfully, Taeyang seemed to think of another topic first and clapped his hands.
“Oh right! Did you talk to Im Taehwan about that thing?”
“Ah, yesterday? That thing?”
“Yeah. I was thinking it’d be nice if we all had a meal together sometime.”
It was a suggestion he made when I contacted him yesterday to report the results.
A three-person dinner — me, him, and Taehwan.
Taeyang didn’t treat Taehwan like a rival anymore, and I’d grown fond of Taehwan too.
Since it seemed like we’d be keeping in touch, I also hoped they could patch things up.
Plus, I was curious to hear more about what Taehwan had been like back in the Academy.
But…
“I did bring it up… but he said he’s too busy today. Told me we could pick another day.”
“Ah, I see… Huh, wait— you think he still hates me?”
“Um… I don’t think so? He really just seemed busy.”
To be honest, I don’t think he ever really hated Taeyang.
It was probably more like he found him annoying.
Taehwan never really paid attention to people outside of his close circle, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him actually dislike anyone.
So if he starts caring, the relationship might improve quickly.
Besides, Taeyang’s not a bad guy.
Actually, if anything, he’s too good.
“Oh. Now that I think about it, I guess he would be busy. He’s been juggling a bunch of stuff lately. If he’s come to his senses, it’s time to clean up the mess.”
“…?”
…Huh? Wait, what?
* * *
