GTLTGIDES chapter 44

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Elliot stretched out the words with a slightly dissatisfied tone, which made me worry he might start another argument with Eunsoo.

But thankfully, he quickly changed his expression. He gave me a beautiful smile on his pale face.

“By the way, Heewoon, can I ask you for something?”

He extended his delicate, white hand toward me.

He… wants me to guide him.

I glanced at Eunsoo.

‘It’s just guiding, so it should be okay, right?’

Luckily, Eunsoo seemed indifferent, too absorbed in his newly activated phone to care about what we were doing.

I considered moving somewhere else but decided against it since it was just a hand gesture. I nodded.

“Ah…”

As soon as I placed my hand on top of Elliot’s, a chill ran through me, causing my body to shiver.

I was startled. It hadn’t been that long since I last guided Elliot. Yet his aura was incredibly vivid.

My hand, clasped with his, trembled.

“Sorry. Does it hurt?”

“E-Elliot… W-what’s wrong? You’re so…”

“Yeah. It must be really cold because of my aura, right? Let me hold you.”

“Mm…”

I snuggled into Elliot’s arms as he held me close. Of course, that didn’t make his aura any less cold.

I realized that just holding hands wasn’t enough to guide him. I needed more physical contact.

As I nestled into Elliot’s embrace, his cold aura became even clearer. It felt like ice shards were freezing my blood and tearing through my veins.

It was unusually painful today. It felt like Elliot’s very existence was embedding itself into my body.

Does Elliot want to freeze me completely, turning me into an ice sculpture?

My body, frozen and rigid, eventually stopped trembling.

In this cold, even tears seemed a luxury. It was intense. Simple physical contact wasn’t enough.

With a tongue stiff from the cold, I managed to say,

“Let’s… just do a full guide…”

“You want to finish quickly, right? Okay.”

Elliot, who had frozen my flesh and blood, gently stroked my hair with a warm, tender touch.

As I gasped for breath, enduring the pain of ice shards embedded within me, I opened my mouth first. Elliot’s warm breath seeped into me.

“Mm… Ah…”

But something felt strange.

As I began guiding the emotions, the impurities of my feelings surged more intensely, yet for some reason, the pain from the mental images diminished significantly.

This was clearly unusual.

My eyelids fluttered as I suddenly opened my eyes.

And then I saw it. Even though Elliott and I were kissing, his eyes were not closed.

He wasn’t even looking at me. His beautiful, light pink eyes were focused on someone else.

Eunsoo.

Elliott was looking at Eunsoo.

Eunsoo was also staring at us, with those cold, piercing blue eyes.

‘Why…?’

The moment I realized they were looking at each other, my already chilled body, frozen by Elliott’s mental images, seemed to harden even more.

It made sense for Elliott to be looking at Eunsoo.

The two of them were destined to love each other.

I was only temporarily taking Eunsoo’s place because the child had lost his powers.

Jealousy over their relationship was truly ugly.

But… it hurt.

My body and heart ached so much…

Was it too much to ask for Elliott to look at me completely, even just during the guiding?

I hated feeling lonely when I was in pain…

Before I could even find an answer to my thoughts, the sorrow, amplified by the pain of guiding, filled my mind.

Without realizing it, I bit down on Elliott’s lips.

Elliott flinched, his gaze finally shifting from Eunsoo to me.

“What are you doing? So cute…”

Just moments ago, Elliott was looking at Eunsoo, but now, as he looked at me, there was unmistakable affection in his eyes.

He gently stroked my cheek, as if telling me to cheer up, and smiled, a blush spreading across his face.

This was the Elliott I knew.

Somewhat twisted, but kind and caring towards me.

A reliable companion.

Someone I could lean on.

The sorrow that had filled my mind turned into tears, falling from my eyes.

Please, just during the guiding…

“Only… only look at me…”

“…”

Was it okay to say something like this in front of Eunsoo?

Maybe the pain was making me lose my mind.

My stiffened tongue couldn’t even fully express what I wanted to say.

I opened my mouth again to cover it up. This was about work, not personal feelings.

“The guiding… it slows down… because it hurts too much…”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

Elliott’s white, delicate fingers wiped away the tears rolling down my cheek.

Then, pressing his own flawlessly clean white cheek against mine, he whispered softly.

“I’ll only look at you.”

As soon as those sweet words were spoken, our lips met again.

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After parting ways with Elliott, I stopped by a nearby side dish store with Eunsoo.

We bought a bunch of side dishes that Eunsoo liked and headed home.

Holding Eunsoo’s hand tightly as we walked together, this moment felt like heaven.

“Ahjussi.”

I was happy because we had eaten something delicious, bought side dishes, and were holding hands on our way home, but for some reason, Eunsoo had been in a foul mood since we left the café.

Even the way he called out to me was gloomy.

I was wondering how to cheer his up when he spoke first, which was a relief.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t like those people…”

“Those people?”

“Those three who are on the same team as you.”

“Oh… Why don’t you like them?”

They’re your future husbands, though.

If Eunsoo disliked the Espers of Special A-Team, it could be a big problem.

If things went wrong, the world could be in danger.

Eunsoo mumbled with his head down.

“They make you suffer.”

“….”

His words made my heart ache.

How thoughtful he was. My little one had grown up.

Sometimes he seemed like a baby, but when he said things like this, he felt like a child who had matured too early.

He probably never had a proper childhood.

I wished that during the time he spent by my side, he could experience a childhood full of love.

But it seems my shortcomings keep pushing his to grow up too fast.

I put on the brightest smile I could to ease his worries.

“Eunsoo, it’s okay. I’m doing this because I want to.”

Guiding the Espers of Special A-Team is painful, no doubt.

In fact, because of them, Yang Heewoon’s body is dying.

But I even like the pain they cause.

When I share the pain they accumulate while using their powers, it feels like I’m fighting alongside them.

I’m not an extraordinary person, but when I’m guiding them, I get the illusion that I’m contributing to saving the world, that I’m someone great.

Even though it’s just work, opening my heart, sharing emotions, and having intense physical contact makes me feel loved, somehow…

“Do you like being in pain? Ahjussi, you’re a masochist?”

“…”

That hurt a little…

But I can’t argue with that. It’s true that I’ve gotten used to the pain that comes with guiding.

If I were to guide an Esper suited to my level instead of the Special A-Team now, it would feel strange.

The pain would be less than one-tenth, or hardly painful at all, and I might feel unsatisfied.

‘Am I really becoming a pain-loving pervert…?’

Even though pain has always been a companion in my life…

A wave of self-loathing washed over me.

Embarrassed, I raised my arm to cover my face. Eunsoo tugged at my arm.

His pale blue eyes locked onto mine. It felt like he could see right through to my heart with those clear eyes.

“I actually know. You endure the pain because you care about those people, right? Because you’re a fool who cares about others more than yourself…”

“You’re making me sound like such a good person.”

“You’re not a good person. You’re just foolish…”

Eunsoo pouted, his tone full of dissatisfaction.

“Unlike those guys, I will never hurt you…”

Eunsoo’s words trailed off, and he suddenly stopped walking. His expression didn’t look good.

“Eunsoo, what’s wrong?”

“….”

He looked up at me when I called his name.

Her blue eyes were saying ‘I’m sorry.’

…He must have remembered how he hurt me, how he wounded me.

I’m fine… But it seems that incident still lingers as a scar for Eunsoo.

‘That’s why he can’t use his powers anymore…’

It’s painful to watch a wounded child, but I’ve already said everything I can. From now on, it’s up to Eunsoo to overcome it.

All I can do is hold his hand, so He’s not alone as he finds his own answers and grows.

Fortunately, Eunsoo didn’t stay down for long.

His eyes soon sparkled like stars, and he looked at me with those eyes full of warmth.

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