* * *
Clutching the prayer beads tightly, I squeezed my eyes shut and silently cried out.
I prayed for salvation from my troublesome thoughts and bowed repeatedly.
Please, Buddha, take away these tormenting thoughts. I’m going to lose my friend if this keeps up.
After several bows, I moved to kneel before the statue of Jesus.
Holding a crucifix in front of the Jesus statue and a rosary in front of the Virgin Mary statue, I confessed my explicit memories and prayed to forget them and start anew.
I continued my spiritual practice, adjusting my position when my knees grew numb.
After spending quite some time praying and making wishes, I calmed down, reassuring myself that everything would be fine.
But thinking that such devotion would make even heaven feel sorry for me and help was a huge mistake.
It was when I fell asleep, having found peace and expecting that my feelings for Taeshin would fade with time, that things took a turn.
Feeling positive, I closed my eyes.
I felt strange.
My mind was blank, and everything around me was dark and quiet.
In the stillness, I sensed a strange familiarity.
As I became aware, I felt a soft, teasing touch, making my body ticklish.
Sensual sensations stirred in my chest, causing me to squirm and writhe.
There was someone beside me, caressing my shoulder and stroking my back, their hands firmly grasping my waist.
Startled, I turned to see Taeshin.
What? My heart pounded.
Before I could calm down, I realized Taeshin was naked, and so was I.
Oh my God… Realizing the situation, I froze like a stone as Taeshin gripped my waist and pressed into me.
“Ah!”
I jolted awake in shock, seeing the dimly lit room in front of me.
My heart raced wildly as I checked the window. It was still too early for the sun to rise.
Staring blankly, I saw the curtain-covered window and shuddered.
My lower back felt damp. I had had an erotic dream that left me wet, something that hadn’t happened even during my teenage years.
My heart sank.
Moon Sunwoo, you must be out of your mind!
* * *
The feeling of showering at dawn because of a wet dream, and it involved a friend.
“What is this….”
No one would understand the emptiness and self-loathing.
Was it punishment for making a rash decision after we both messed up, or was it because I offered a shallow prayer to the three gods I had set up?
I shed some secret tears in the harsh reality of my dream.
I cried while putting my wet underwear in the laundry basket, cried while washing, and cried again while changing clothes.
Then, I went to the meditation space in my fourth brother’s room, where the three gods were enshrined, and lamented.
No, Buddha, Jesus, Virgin Mary, I prayed sincerely.
What kind of dream is this?
I felt utterly wronged.
Even though I had lived as an atheist for 20 years, I sometimes sought the heavens when faced with a life-and-death matter.
When I got caught playing games during a shutdown, pretending to be an adult, when I skipped tutoring on the weekend and got caught at the karaoke, or when I lost all my allowance playing the claw machine during school lunch.
In these crucial crisis situations, I had a track record of turning to the divine, although reluctantly.
But to be betrayed on the day of prayer.
How could deities, who live off the faith of the masses, do this?
My sense of injustice reached the heavens.
I had asked to forget, but instead, the dream made it more vivid.
If it was going to be like this, it might be more realistic for Taeshin and I to hit each other over the head with a pot to lose our memories, like in some movie.
Still!
Secretly, I arranged Buddha, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary in a row on the middle table to make eye contact easier, put a cushion in front of them, and knelt down.
I prayed earnestly that I would do this every day from now on, hoping for even the slightest relief.
I already felt awkward around Taeshin, but if he appeared in my dreams like this, I wouldn’t even be able to text him.
The day was dawning, and a good morning text was bound to come, but how would I respond?
Even if I managed a greeting, I doubted I could reject an invitation to meet up soberly.
Just thinking of Taeshin made me recall his bare appearance in the dream, driving me crazy.
I don’t even remember that day!
I shouted with a gaze of truth to the statues of Buddha, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary.
A bit more? A bit more?
I feared receiving divine punishment for any lie, so I conceded.
This memory needed to fade much more.
With hands clasped, clutching all religious artifacts, I prayed.
Make me forget, or turn back time, or make it as if it never happened!
“Please!”
After staying up all night praying, I finally went downstairs for breakfast.
Would my prayers be answered today?
I descended with a haggard look, having prayed fervently, and my parents were surprised to see me awake so early. I pouted, insisting even I had such days.
“Did you stay up all night playing games?”
“No, I didn’t.”
Mom misjudged with her hawk-like eyes.
As I anxiously claimed my innocence, she brought up the past, asking if I stayed up all night gaming because I was hungry after losing a promotion match.
“I didn’t play any games, and if I had lost a promotion match, I wouldn’t be down here eating. Do you think I’d come down now to eat?”
“Is that even something to say, Moon Sunwoo?”
“…Hmph.”
I was absolutely not against Moon Jinwoo moving out, but here was my second brother still living at home. Glaring at him as he casually chatted with our parents after finishing his preparations for work, I began to eat. It seemed dad had had drinks the night before since we were having dried pollack soup. It was refreshing and tasty.
“Jinwoo, you should start working at the company soon. Drink on my behalf. I can’t handle it as I get older.”
Dad spoke to my second brother. I wondered how the staff would deal with such a difficult personality at work.
Even as the owner’s son, did the employees really deserve to work with someone like Moon Jinwoo?
I felt sorry for those I had never met. Besides, Jinwoo couldn’t even drink.
“Sunwoo, you know it’s mom’s birthday soon, right?”
“Huh?”
As I thought about asking mom to make dried pollack soup for me when I drink in the future, Jinwoo suddenly addressed me.
When I only rolled my eyes, still with a spoonful of soup, Jinwoo and my parents were all looking at me.
“Son, it’s your mom’s birthday soon.”
“Yeah, I know….”
Oh no, I hadn’t even imagined it.
“Mom’s looking forward to it.”
“Yeah… Mom, but do you really need a present when you have a healthy and upright son like me?”
“Our Sunwoo has grown up healthy and upright, but surely you’re not planning to skip getting me a birthday present?”
“A child who has grown up healthy and upright wouldn’t forget their parent’s birthday.”
“……”
Mom’s sharp retort and Jinwoo’s follow-up verbal jab left me speechless.
Their arguments, mirroring my own words, left me feeling defeated.
I wondered if Jinwoo had inherited his eloquence from mom.
Thinking about mom’s upcoming birthday felt like facing a huge mountain, I gloomily munched on the food.
Mom, who own an art gallery, had a very peculiar taste.
She didn’t find things others thought were pretty appealing, and she found things others deemed weird to be cute and beautiful.
Matching her mysterious taste felt daunting. Should I just prepare a big bouquet of flowers?
“Flowers are Moon Heekyung’s domain, so just bring a gift.”
“Ahem.”
Dad coughed at mom’s words.
Mom didn’t particularly like flowers that weren’t potted or planted in the ground, and she said dad used to send her flowers every day while courting her.
It was only later that dad learned mom disliked cut flowers, and he was very embarrassed.
Regardless, after persistent courtship, mom agreed to date him and eventually marry him.
Mom liked the flowers dad gave her.
How could someone not know what their loved one disliked?
When playing poker with his brothers, dad won like a ghost, but he always messed up with mom and got scolded.
Dad was a clueless fool only when it came to mom.
After breakfast, Jinwoo went to work, and my parents got ready to leave.
I went up to my room, pondering over what to get mom for her birthday, and grabbed my phone from where it lay on the bed.
[Crazy Brother> (link)]
[Crazy Brother> Get this for mom’s birthday present.]
A message from Moon Jinwoo had arrived.
When I clicked the link, it was a simple pair of earrings, oddly twisted like golden threads.
[Not great, huh?]
Though it was a subjective judgment, I was confident that an objective evaluation would be similar.
[If you’re going to be like that, find it yourself.]
[Why do you have to put it that way?]
I almost responded with a “ㅡㅡ” in Moon Jinwoo’s tone but quickly erased it, knowing it would only get me an earful.
[Got it.]
Anyway, thanks to Moon Jinwoo’s precise suggestion, I was relieved.
He must know my mom’s taste well because he has a similar sense.
Despite finding the earrings odd, I went ahead and paid for the packaging.
I didn’t forget to order a card saying, “Happy Birthday,” and requested quick delivery to receive it today.
After finishing up my mom’s birthday gift preparations smoothly, I quickly changed clothes in the dressing room and lay back on the sofa by the window, scrolling through my phone.
As I read through the group chat accumulated throughout the day, I came across some surprising news about who was dating whom in high school.
One person had finally confessed after chasing their crush for three years since the start of high school, and they had been dating for a month now.
Intrigued by the unexpected couples, I kept reading and joined the conversation, congratulating and commiserating simultaneously.
I was deeply engaged in texting when suddenly, I was mentioned in the group chat.
[Jung Somin: So, @MoonSunwoo, when are you going to spill the news?]
[?]
[What news?]
[Shin Ilkim: Oh, you know, the one about @Moon Sunwoo dating someone~~~]
* * *
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