* * *
Cha Joobin plugged in his phone first.
It was only then that he saw the missed calls from Gong Yoochan, several piling up while his phone had been dead.
He tried calling back, but of course, there was no answer.
What had he wanted to say?
Was he trying to say goodbye before leaving?
With a deeply furrowed brow, Cha Joobin scrolled through his contacts until he found the number for Gong Yoochan’s manager.
Surely, the manager would know where the actor had gone.
[Hyung’s Manager, Jung Dahoon]
It didn’t take long before a voice answered on the other end, “Hello?”
“Where’s hyung?”
— Pardon?
“I’m asking, where is he? Where did Gong Yoochan go?”
— Ah, ah. He’s sick, so he went back to the company dorm. He said he’d reach out. Didn’t you hear from him? He mentioned avoiding you because he didn’t want to mess up your schedule…
If I’d heard from him, would I be like this right now?
Cha Joobin ran a rough hand through his hair as he listened to the manager’s clueless response.
He scratched his scalp furiously before smoothing his hair back and muttered that he understood before hanging up.
The company dorm wasn’t far from his place, thankfully.
Quickly slipping his shoes back on, Cha Joobin repeatedly tried calling Gong Yoochan as he headed to the dorm.
Whether he was already asleep or just ignoring his calls, the fact that Gong Yoochan wasn’t answering made Cha Joobin angrier than ever.
When he wanted to talk and get under my skin, he wouldn’t stop, but now, when I really need to talk, he doesn’t pick up.
Are we just always out of sync?
They say timing is everything in relationships.
We had been getting along pretty well during his heat period.
Sure, I got a bit grumpy just before we slept together, but I made up for it by holding him tenderly, and I didn’t need him to say it to know that he felt secure in my arms.
But was that all we were? Just sex partners?
Is it really as simple as: we had sex, his heat is over, so now I’m no longer needed?
Cha Joobin shook off the complicated thoughts swirling in his mind and hurriedly started his car.
The engine was still warm from when he’d turned it off earlier.
He didn’t have time to wait for the engine to settle.
With a loud roar, Cha Joobin’s sleek sedan peeled out of the parking lot.
He floored it, and before long, he reached the dorm.
He didn’t even bother parking properly, just jumping out of the car and rushing up to the top floor where the dorm was located.
Even as he hurried, he was still holding the sulungtang he’d bought for Gong Yoochan.
His hand hurt from gripping the bag so tightly.
Once on the right floor, Cha Joobin took a deep breath, telling himself to calm down and listen to what Gong Yoochan had to say before getting angry.
He was still trying to keep that in mind as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out.
But then.
“What the hell.”
Cha Joobin tilted his head and stared straight ahead.
There, standing in front of him, was Kim Woosun.
“You.”
“You?”
“……”
You? You!
A wave of fury washed over him.
So, he doesn’t answer my calls, but he has the energy to invite Kim Woosun over?
Cha Joobin scowled and stalked menacingly toward him.
“What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m asking why you’re here.”
This was infuriating.
Cha Joobin glared at Kim Woosun, and as his frustration grew, pheromones started to leak out.
Although Kim Woosun’s expression twisted in discomfort, Cha Joobin’s desire to dominate only grew, making it harder for him to control himself.
“Hey, hey!”
Kim Woosun finally snapped, shouting loudly.
Being an alpha like Cha Joobin, Kim Woosun was likely feeling nauseous and sick from the overwhelming pheromones, unable to bear the discomfort.
But Cha Joobin made no effort to suppress his pheromones.
He didn’t care if people called him childish or immature.
What really drove him mad was the fact that Kim Woosun, of all people, was the one Gong Yoochan had called when he was feeling down.
“Did hyung call you?”
When Cha Joobin asked in a trembling voice, Kim Woosun’s expression shifted subtly.
He tilted his head to the side, eyebrows raised, and locked eyes with Cha Joobin.
It was infuriating that Kim Woosun wasn’t exactly short either.
Cha Joobin narrowed his eyes and glared at him, feeling even angrier that Kim Woosun seemed so much more relaxed than him, even though he was the one who was supposed to be dating Gong Yoochan.
“Did hyung call you or not?”
“Even if I told you, would you listen?”
No, I wouldn’t.
Cha Joobin decided this conversation wasn’t worth having with Kim Woosun.
He threw out a sharp comment instead.
“Just stay out of sight. Especially around Gong Yoochan.”
“You act like this, and that’s why people call you immature.”
Cha Joobin clenched his fist.
This was not the kind of thing he wanted to hear from someone like Kim Woosun.
ven if someone had to say it, it should be a conversation between him and Gong Yoochan, not some third party getting involved.
Cha Joobin smacked Kim Woosun’s shoulder with a loud thud.
After giving him a cold glare, he punched in the door code and entered.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
He shoved Kim Woosun back when he tried to follow him inside.
Kim Woosun let out a laugh, one that seemed to say he found it absurd, but I had no time to match his mood.
I grabbed the pot of beef bone soup that was left at the front door, and just as I was about to slam the door shut—
“…Who are you?”
Before I could even fully turn around, an overheated face was suddenly thrust in front of mine.
Cha Joobin flinched reflexively, and seeing Gong Yoochan glaring at him with a completely twisted expression, he couldn’t help but grimace as well.
“What do you mean, who?”
“Who are you? Why are you here?”
“Well, it’s because, uh…”
I was about to say, “Because you’re sick.”
As annoyed as I was from running into Kim Woosun, I figured I should first take care of Gong Yoochan’s feverish state.
So I tried forcing a smile, awkwardly holding up the pot of soup.
But it seemed Gong Yoochan had overheard the argument at the door.
He let out a sigh, narrowing his eyes.
“Kim Woosun’s at the door, isn’t he? I told you not to pick fights with him. He’s my friend.”
“…”
“Seriously… Why are you like this? I told you I’d handle it.”
“And me?”
Cha Joobin’s face crumpled instantly.
He felt hurt.
Gong Yoochan only seemed to care about Kim Woosun right in front of him.
The person who rushed over out of concern wasn’t even noticed, and all Gong Yoochan did was scold him like a child while tending to his friend.
How could that not sting?
“To you, I’m just your younger brother, right?”
Cha Joobin spat the words bitterly, causing Gong Yoochan to respond, “What?”
But then, as if suddenly overwhelmed by a headache, Yoochan massaged his forehead and swayed on his feet.
Cha Joobin knew Gong Yoochan wasn’t in a normal state.
He knew he should be looking after him, but the flood of hurt and resentment left him unable to care.
In Cha Joobin’s eyes, there was a deep, unmistakable sense of blame as he looked at Yoochan.
“You’re sick. So why… why is it him and not me?”
Why Kim Woosun? Why?
The moment he voiced that thought, his pride stung so badly he could barely stand it.
His lips pressed tightly together as Gong Yoochan let out a long, weary sigh, pressing his temples in frustration.
“You still don’t get why we broke up, do you? What’s the point in talking if we can’t even understand that?”
Cha Joobin’s voice shook as he spoke.
He wanted to cry.
He’d been through this more times than he could count, and it only made everything feel worse.
Gong Yoochan had always been this way.
He’d say he loved him, that he was the most reliable person in the world, but when things got tough, he never confided in him first.
Everyone else knew what was going on before he did, and by the time he figured it out, it was always too late.
Gong Yoochan would always say, “Don’t tell Joobin. I’ll explain later,” only bringing it up after things were already resolved, leaving Joobin feeling anxious time and time again.
Of course, now that they’d broken up, he knew he no longer had the right to demand that Yoochan come to him first.
But knowing that Yoochan had turned to Kim Woosun again was enough to drive him insane.
“Why him? Of all people, why Kim Woosun? You could’ve called the manager, or the CEO, or anyone else. Hell, even your parents would’ve been better. So why Kim Woosun? Why?”
“Cha Joobin.”
The sharp reprimand hit him like a wave, and Cha Joobin’s emotions surged up uncontrollably.
With eyes full of blame, he roughly wiped his face with his hands, trying to suppress the burning frustration that was boiling inside him.
Finally, he shoved the pot of soup into Yoochan’s arms.
“What’s the point in talking? We don’t have anything to say to each other.”
“Hey. Watch your mouth.”
Gong Yoochan, feeling a dull, throbbing ache in his head, faced him.
The more he focused on holding back, the more his eyes hurt, as if they might pop out of his skull.
Even breathing was becoming difficult.
Yet, despite all that, he couldn’t just let Cha Joobin walk away with that look on his face.
His body felt like it was falling apart, but seeing Cha Joobin raging made his head feel like it was going to explode.
They had known each other for 18 years.
Almost every memory he had was tied to Cha Joobin, except for his early childhood, which he barely remembered.
Realizing they’d broken up had taken time.
And even after he understood, it was only after rationalizing to himself that it made sense that he finally managed to get some sleep.
But now, this mess again.
“Fine. Do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore.”
With a loud slam, the door shut behind Cha Joobin, leaving Gong Yoochan staring after him, finally understanding why people say exes are worse than strangers.
You don’t know why we broke up?
Gong Yoochan exhaled a ragged breath, collapsing to the floor, his body aching as if it were about to burst.
A groan escaped him as he writhed in pain.
Hot tears streamed down his face.
He didn’t know if they were from the pain or from the lingering heartbreak of their breakup, and honestly, it didn’t matter.
The one thing he knew for certain was that, even in the middle of all this, fighting with Cha Joobin left him feeling gutted.
He hadn’t wanted to argue; he wanted to talk things through and try to fix their relationship.
But when it really mattered, Cha Joobin had run away.
And he hated how their timing was always so off.
More than anything, what he needed right now was Cha Joobin.
Just him.
* * *
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im depressed…