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Kim Chanyi, 18 Years Old, Spring of Love
***
Hyunoh and I were seated next to each other in the attendance list.
It was merely because of the order of consonants and vowels.
But that coincidence completely transformed my life at eighteen.
For the first time, I liked my name.
I hadn’t been fond of it before.
Kim Chanyi.
The last character has no final consonant.
They say the ending is important in everything.
I often wondered if my life was flowing weakly because there was nothing to support the end of my name.
Is that why I became someone others could easily ignore?
For the first month of the new semester, we sat according to attendance order.
I was paired with Hyunoh.
After that, my concerns about my name vanished.
Instead, other worries began to fill the void.
For instance, why do I dream about Hyunoh every night?
Hyunoh was the first real person to intrude into my daydreams.
At eighteen, in spring, his eyelashes and the peach fuzz on his face were more interesting than Star Wars, space, or aliens.
Why does Hyunoh always button his shirt up to the neck?
Why does he often forget his textbooks?
Why is he so popular without doing anything? Why is he so attractive?
Lying blankly on my bed, I murmured his name.
“Kim… Hyunoh….”
Until recently, I liked weekends because I didn’t have to go to school.
I spent all day at home watching cartoons, rewatching Star Wars, and solving math problems when I was bored.
But now, I didn’t do anything.
I didn’t want to.
All I wished for was for Monday to come quickly.
I wanted to see Hyunoh.
I recall the first day of the new semester when I first met Hyunoh.
During the break after the sixth period, Park Jungsoo approached him.
“Hey, Kim Hyunoh. Let’s go to the snack bar.”
“Ah. I don’t feel like it.”
Pretending to watch the animation on my PMP, I listened closely to their conversation.
I stealthily pressed the mute button.
“So, you’re not going?”
“Yeah. Go by yourself.”
Park Jungsoo frowned slightly but didn’t push further.
Instead, he dragged an empty chair and sat near Hyunoh.
I know a bit about Park Jungsoo.
We were in the same class last year.
He’s the type who needs to eat something every second period.
He must be hungry now. He could go to the snack bar alone, but he chose to build a friendship with Hyunoh instead.
Why? Because it’s the new semester.
Park Jungsoo probably scanned the thirty-odd students quickly and picked out the popular one.
“Kim Hyunoh. You’re close with Changmin, right? I go to the same math academy as him. Can I have his phone number?”
Starting a conversation with one connection and forming a line.
Park Jungsoo’s animal instinct, or maybe his skill. I kind of respect that.
I think this system of confining over thirty adolescent boys in a small classroom all day is extremely violent and dangerous.
Hormones are exploding, and the air is filled with the greasy scent of teenage boys.
The space is too small for everyone. In a limited area, collisions are inevitable.
In the new semester, everyone starts establishing an unspoken hierarchy.
Groups are roughly divided according to the hierarchy, making everything simpler.
Even if conflicts arise, if the two individuals have different ranks, the situation is quickly resolved.
The inferior one bows their head in a form of submission.
Of course, some can’t join any group at all.
The person in charge of the outcasts in Class 3, Year 2, is none other than Kim Chanyi. Me.
It’s nothing special. It happens every year, just in different degrees.
Sometimes, I’m just an outcast, other times, actively bullied. Last year, it was the latter.
Park Jungsoo pointed his chin at me and said,
“Kim Hyunoh. How can you be paired with that guy? Just go sit in an empty seat at the back.”
I continued to stare at the muted animation.
“Why?”
Hyunoh’s voice was emotionless, as indifferent as his expression.
“Doesn’t that pig smell?”
Park Jungsoo mocked me.
Even if I wasn’t wearing earphones, he shouldn’t have said that in front of me.
I once read that humans often form bonds through gossip.
I was a frequent subject used to strengthen such bonds.
Last year’s classmates often made me the topic of their conversations as a common object of dislike.
Maybe Park Jungsoo read that book too. Or he just knew instinctively.
“Smell?”
I felt Hyunoh tilt his head. I tensed my neck.
Suddenly, I was self-conscious about the folds of fat. I didn’t care how others saw me.
Whether they called me a pig or an otaku. It didn’t matter.
Thinking the world was too small to contain me made me feel a bit better. So I just lived my life.
But it was different with Hyunoh.
The few seconds waiting for his response felt very long. Park Jungsoo spoke again.
“That guy always smells disgusting. In summer, it’s unbearable.”
Was that true?
“Kim Hyunoh. Your nose isn’t blocked, right?”
“No, it’s not.”
I heard Hyunoh take a deep breath.
“I just smell shampoo. Maybe your nose is the problem?”
Park Jungsoo flinched slightly.
“No, that’s not it….”
“Maybe it’s the smell from your philtrum.”
I lowered my hands below the desk and squeezed my knees.
My palms were very sweaty.
Park Jungsoo, slightly flustered, quickly changed the subject.
Soon, the bell rang.
He returned to his seat, and I put my PMP away.
I placed a brand-new textbook on my desk and opened a notebook beside it.
Suddenly, Hyunoh leaned over from the side.
“Ah. I forgot my seventh-period textbook.”
One of his arms crossed over my desk.
His shoulder seemed about to touch mine. I closed my eyes tightly, then opened them.
“You can use mine.”
I quickly placed my textbook on his desk.
Hyunoh looked at me in confusion.
“Do you have another textbook?”
“Hmm? No.”
“Then why did you give this to me?”
Hyunoh pushed the textbook back towards me.
“You can look at it too.”
“Let’s look at it together.”
Hyunoh smelled of shampoo.
His body seemed overly close.
His smooth neck.
Smooth ears.
Smooth fingers…
Hyunoh was much taller than average, broad-shouldered, and handsome.
He wore a neat black watch on his thick wrist.
Hyunoh’s cynical look was something teenage boys would envy.
He seemed like the type who wouldn’t do what everyone else does.
Probably he wouldn’t be interested in girl idols.
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