GTLTGIDES chapter 34

Cha Junseong wasn’t just furrowing his brow; his face was contorted with anger.

“You could have died. Even if it wasn’t because of a rampage. Jake could have killed you to shut you up! Damn it. Why did you risk your life for that kid…?”

“Junseong, your voice…”

Almost reflexively, I glanced at Eunsoo at the raised voice. Thankfully, he just mumbled something and turned over in her sleep, not waking up.

Phew, I sighed in relief.

“….”

Realizing belatedly that Eunsoo was in the room, Cha Junseong fell silent.

“If you’d realized that kid was there, you should have told me. Did you really not trust me that much?”

Yeah. You’re a stickler for principles.

You wouldn’t have been able to suspect ‘Powell.’

It would have meant giving up too much.

That’s why I didn’t want to rely on Cha Junseong. I didn’t want to put him in a difficult position.

If it could have earned Eunsoo a big favor, maybe, but since he wasn’t too upset about being imprisoned in the original story, it would have only caused more trouble.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure. It was just a hunch. I couldn’t even be sure myself, so how could I ask you to help?”

“Then at least you should have stayed safe…”

“But, Junseong. I believe that adults have a duty to protect children. Especially when he is exposed to crime. And I’m a government-employed guide, right? So I was just fulfilling my duty. I don’t want to be scolded for doing what I had to do.”

“I’m also a government employee, with more authority than you. You could have asked me for help.”

“…”

“How could you do something so dangerous…?”

I quietly looked up at Cha Junseong’s face. He wasn’t controlling his emotions at all.

Cha Junseong, losing his composure like this. He must have been really worried about me.

I guess that’s what makes him a responsible leader. He’s a good person.

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Junseong, would you like me to guide you?”

“…”

The last person I guided was Rex. Even Rex seemed pretty stressed out, so I can only imagine how much must be pent up inside Cha Junseong.

Given that he didn’t let any of that negativity transfer to me when he checked my temperature earlier, it’s a testament to his incredible self-control.

At my words, Cha Junseong averted his gaze. He must be aware too. He must know that what’s building up inside him is reaching a dangerous level.

That’s probably why he’s acting so out of character.

“Don’t say that. You’re not fully recovered yet.”

“It’s fine. I can do it.”

“Don’t…”

“I want to feel like I’m alive. Please let me.”

“…”

This might be my last time guiding.

Now that we have Eunsoo, an S-rank guide, I should leave Special Team A as a low-rank guide with a broken body.

So, as a final act, I want to guide Cha Junseong one more time as the guide of Special Team A.

“…If you put it that way, then I…”

You still want to, don’t you?

I drew the curtain so that even if Eunsoo wakes up, he won’t see us.

• Shhhk.

With the curtain drawn, not a single ray of light seeped through, and it became dim.

The faint light passing through the curtain revealed only the faint outline of Cha Junseong’s face.

“Come up here. You must have accumulated a lot, so let’s do a mucous membrane guiding.”

It’s not an expression of affection; it’s just work, so it should be fine.

I tapped the bed, and Cha Junseong obediently climbed on.

Even though it wasn’t anywhere else but on the bed, he blushed as I got closer, perhaps feeling embarrassed.

It’s strange considering we’ve shared the same bed before.

“Let’s do this.”

To ease his embarrassment, I decided to approach him first.

I grabbed his strong arms and moved closer, and his lips immediately met mine as if he was about to devour me.

“Mm…”

As expected, he’s the strongest among the three when it comes to pain.

The moment his tongue touched the mucous membrane inside my mouth, an intense, aggressive sensation rushed in, bringing tears to my eyes.

The pressure pouring over my entire body felt like it would crush my organs, which already felt like they were being torn apart.

I feared my bones might snap and break, tearing through my skin.

When I started trembling uncontrollably, Cha Junseong pressed his lips against mine and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.

It seemed like he wanted me to lie down, so I did, and he grabbed my hands with both of his.

Even amidst the pain, the warmth of his hands felt comforting, and I unconsciously intertwined my trembling fingers with his, fearing I might lose that warmth.

Surprised by my unexpected action, Cha Junseong hesitated for a moment, but then he tightly held my hand, interlocking our fingers.

Our hands locked tightly together, but his lips parted.

“Haah…”

“Does it… hurt?”

“It’s… fine, huff, ha…”

“……”

It’s not fine. It hurts a lot.

My body, which had barely been stitched together, now feels like it’s falling apart again.

The pain and fear seem to blacken every cell in my body. Tears flowed endlessly.

But what bothered me more was that Cha Junseong hadn’t stabilized yet.

There was still more of that overwhelming energy inside him than I had taken in so far.

I can’t stop halfway. It would cause him pain. And that pain would create impurities.

I opened my mouth first and extended my tongue toward him.

“Junseong, hurry, please, more…”

“You really…”

“Mm…”

I didn’t want to stop guiding just because it hurt halfway through.

I’d rather reach the limit of pain, so intense that my whole body feels paralyzed.

If I can ease Cha Junseong’s pain by enduring mine…

“Hah! Hah…”

Even after the guiding was over, the pain didn’t subside easily.

I gasped for breath, but the feeling of our tightly locked hands was heavenly.

When I barely opened my eyes, I saw Cha Junseong’s eyes looking down at me.

“Why do you endure so much pain…?”

He looked sad. Was it because I was in more pain today?

I eased his body, but I disturbed his heart. Because I’m an inadequate guide.

I should have held on a little longer. I should have hidden the pain better.

What should I say? What could I say to lessen his guilt?

I quickly found the answer. When I said I wanted to feel alive by guiding him, I wasn’t lying.

“…It’s okay. It hurts… but being alive means feeling pain sometimes…”

So guiding Cha Junseong is the act that makes me feel most alive.

At least for someone like me, whose life has been defined by pain, both in my past life and this one.

“…Just a little longer like this…”

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. I squeezed his hand tightly, holding on to him.

The pain itself is bearable, but I don’t want to be in pain alone.

I hoped Cha Junseong would stay with me until the pain subsided.

But I didn’t get to enjoy the momentary relief from the pain for long.

I felt his breath and lips on my neck.

“Mm… Junseong?”

Startled, I opened my eyes. Cha Junseong quickly pulled away from me and stood up from the bed, taking a few steps back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why did you…”

“I’m really sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind.”

What just happened?

Cha Junseong’s face had gone pale as if he was genuinely shocked by his own actions, even more so than I was.

“It’s okay. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

It’s not like I’m going to die from a kiss on the neck. It didn’t even feel bad… I smiled to reassure him.

But I am curious.

Why did he do that? It’s so unlike him.

Was the guiding insufficient?

I tried my best, but I’m not sure if I did it properly, considering my body isn’t in perfect condition.

“Are you okay? Was the guiding not good enough?”

“No. If anything…”

Cha Junseong hesitated, covering his mouth with his hand.

“No, really, I’m sorry.”

“You have something you want to say, don’t you? You said you wanted to be honest, right? Go ahead and say it.”

I pulled his arm away from his mouth. If I let him keep covering his mouth, he might not say anything at all.

Sure enough, as soon as his hand fell away, he started speaking honestly, even though he avoided my gaze.

“If anything, your guiding was so good that I lost control for a moment…”

“……”

“…I’m sorry.”

Cha Junseong was genuinely apologizing, but I felt something entirely different from his words.

What should I do? I’m so happy.

Hearing something like this… makes me want more.

I know I should hand things over to Eunsoo and retire or transfer teams, but hearing that my guiding was good makes me reluctant.

It makes me want to stay as a guide for Special Team A a little longer.

‘It’s probably just because he hadn’t received proper guiding in a while, so it felt especially good.’

Calm down. Calm down…

It’s not that I’m special.

If anything, if he received guiding from Eunsoo now, he might be so overwhelmed with euphoria that he’d never want my guiding again.

No, that’s almost certain.

A bitter smile crept onto my face. I forced my lips to turn it into a bright smile.

“Don’t apologize. I’m glad I could help.”

“……”

Cha Junseong finally looked at me.

His eyes were warm.

His large hand gently touched my head.