* * *
“Let go, let go of me! Don’t touch me, you trash! Why the hell are you even—”
“Eat. I’m graciously offering to feed you myself, so stay still.”
“I said I don’t want—!”
Contrary to my fears, Carlisle seemed to be genuinely trying to feed me.
The soup slid past my parted lips.
The moment my tongue registered the taste, my stomach churned, and nausea rose.
Memories of Jerome’s proposal flashed in my mind, sending a sharp pang through my chest.
“Ugh, urgh, ack…!”
In the end, I threw up everything I had ingested.
Carlisle quickly supported the back of my head with his hand, seemingly to prevent the vomit from choking me.
My throat burned, and tears welled up in my eyes.
One might think my violent rejection of the meal would dampen his resolve, but Carlisle remained unfazed.
He picked up the bowl again and pushed another spoonful toward me.
“Throw up if you must, but keep eating.”
“I said I won’t! I won’t eat!”
“Then we can spend the entire day like this,” Carlisle replied in a leisurely tone.
A shiver ran through me.
Knowing him, he really could keep this up all day.
Ultimately, I clenched my eyes shut and forced my mouth open.
The spoon slid out of my mouth, scratching lightly against the roof of my mouth.
The strange sensation made me freeze for a moment.
Unbothered by my reaction, Carlisle continued feeding me until the soup was gone.
For the crown prince of the empire to personally tend to someone like a servant—it was an act that would horrify the imperial court and royal advisors alike.
“Good. Just one last bite,” Carlisle coaxed.
Finally yielding, I swallowed the last spoonful, and he sighed—a sound that somehow felt more like relief than frustration.
After a few more bites, Carlisle set the bowl down and moved aside.
My stomach churned from the food I hadn’t had in so long.
Noticing my discomfort, Carlisle handed me a cup of water from the table.
Parched, I accepted it without hesitation.
“I’m not trying to force you. I know you need time to grieve,” Carlisle said.
“Grieve? Jerome isn’t dead.”
“No. Jerome is dead, and there’s nothing left to protect you anymore. Your family would happily sell you to me, and you’ll spend the rest of your life in the palace I’ve prepared for you.”
“Shut up!”
Crash!
The glass cup in my hand shattered against the wall.
Blood trickled down Carlisle’s cheek where a shard had grazed him.
Breathing heavily, I stared at the shattered glass.
My actions had become unpredictable, different from before Jerome’s disappearance.
Ever since then, controlling my anger had become almost impossible.
It felt like my entire emotional system had broken down.
Burying my face in my hands, I muttered weakly, “Why me? Do you love me?”
Love? The question sounded absurd even to me.
Unsurprisingly, Carlisle smirked and dabbed at the blood on his cheek with my shawl from the sofa.
His voice was cold and emotionless.
“Everyone out there already believes you’re Maya’s saint and worships you. I can’t let such a valuable card fall into the hands of the temple.”
“I’m no saint.”
“Whether you truly are or not doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you’ve become the most beloved figure in the empire. You’re now a symbol capable of moving public sentiment.”
So this was it. He wanted to use me to strengthen his imperial authority.
Before I could retort, his hand slid up my thigh, gripping it firmly. I froze, horrified.
“Remember this: I can bring you every treasure in the empire,” he said. “But I can also sever the heads of your beloved family and toss them onto the streets.”
Suddenly, I recalled the original story.
Jeanne had been executed for regicide, but in reality, it was to suppress the power of the House of Efilia.
For someone like Carlisle, wiping out an entire noble family was likely a trivial task.
This was a threat.
A choice between entering the palace willingly or watching my family perish before being dragged there anyway.
Carlisle withdrew his hand and stood, leaving me trembling in silence.
“I’ll send a carriage in two days. Make your decision by then—I won’t wait long.”
Bang!
The door slammed shut. I slumped back on the sofa, disheveled.
If I went through with marrying Carlisle, it wouldn’t be long before my true identity as a man was exposed, and then I’d be executed.
“If I’m going to live like a corpse anyway…”
My bleak thoughts stopped as my gaze fell on the ring on my left hand.
Jerome’s parting words echoed in my mind.
‘I’ve already explained the situation to the bank. You can access my safe anytime. And once you’ve left the East, go to the dressmaker’s shop in the shopping district. Don’t return to the duke’s estate.’
The memory reignited a faint light in my deadened eyes.
“That’s right. Jerome told me to go to the dressmaker’s shop. Maybe he left me a message there.”
I shot to my feet and changed into clothes from my wardrobe.
The garments hung loosely on my thinner frame, but I found something that fit well enough and stepped out of the room.
The head maid waiting by the door bowed knowingly.
“Forgive me, but you won’t be allowed to leave the estate for the time being.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you need anything, please let me know. I’ll prepare it for you.”
Ignoring my question entirely, she avoided my gaze.
It was clear that some arrangement had been made between Carlisle and the Duke of Carlotte to prevent my escape.
After all, if Jeanne were successfully married to Carlisle, it would benefit both parties immensely.
Defeated, I returned to my room and lay on the bed.
If Carlisle was determined to marry me, there was little I could do to stop him.
‘Carlisle wants to marry Jeanne, the woman. But if he finds out Jeanne is a man, even the empire’s love won’t be enough to preserve my usefulness.’
Carlisle was a man driven by ambition.
He would never take a wife who couldn’t bear him heirs.
“If I’m going to die either way… there’s only one answer.”
That meant I had two choices: confess the truth about being a man and risk execution, or keep the secret and find a way to escape after entering the palace.
My clenched fists trembled, and my heart pounded wildly.
“I have to tell Carlisle the truth—that Jeanne is a man.”
✽ ✽ ✽
Two days later, the carriage sent by Carlisle arrived.
The flag fluttering on it bore the golden lion crest symbolizing the imperial family against a crimson background.
Just as I finished preparing to leave the mansion, Duke Carlotte, who had come to see me off, called out to me. He approached with a pleased expression and spoke.
“To be invited to an imperial banquet—what greater honor could there be for a family like ours?”
“…”
“You’ll do well, of course, but you mustn’t upset Her Majesty the Empress. She wields the greatest influence in the imperial family.”
The party I was invited to was, in essence, a family gathering.
A lavish villa party where members of the imperial family gathered to bond over food and drink.
Carlisle seemed intent on formally introducing me there.
He planned to declare our engagement in front of all the family elders. I’d suspected it for a while, but Carlisle had a reckless streak.
“I’ve already settled the engagement with the Howards, so you needn’t worry.”
As I idly watched the servants busily loading the luggage, the duke spoke cautiously.
He seemed to be aware that I hadn’t been myself recently.
Now that I thought about it, there had been a funeral not too long ago.
Sensing his hesitance, I replied nonchalantly.
“It’s fine. I’ll head out first.”
“Ah, yes. If anything happens, write to me.”
“Thank you for your concern.”
I nodded politely to the duke, who seemed much more flustered than before, and climbed into the carriage.
Since Carlisle, known for his preferences, was only showing interest in me, the duke probably harbored some hope that Jeanne might truly become the crown princess.
Panting, Ber climbed into the carriage with a bundle on his back.
“Ha! What kind of nobles pack so many clothes and jewels? I’ll never understand them.”
“Did you pack the clothes I asked for?”
“Yes! I did. But… are you sure about those clothes?”
“They’re perfect if I want to rub the imperial family the wrong way.”
Ber made a puzzled expression at my answer but eventually hesitated before asking tentatively.
“Are you really okay with this?”
“With what?”
“The watchdog business.”
“Jerome isn’t dead yet.”
Ber’s face froze in shock at my firm reply, as if he were thinking, ‘He’s completely lost it this time!’
When he tried to cling to me, teary-eyed, I pushed his head away and revisited my memories.
A piece of advice Lily once gave me echoed in my mind.
‘”Milady—no, Jeanne. There’s someone waiting for you in Sacre. Go find Camille. The answers you’re looking for are there.”‘
Yes, that’s what Lily had said back then.
That the answers I sought were in Sacre.
If I was searching for answers now, it had to be about Jerome.
Resting my chin on the window ledge, I spoke with conviction.
“Lily once told me that the answers I seek are in Sacre. It’s just a hunch, but I feel like this Camille knows something.”
Though it was only intuition, I had to pursue every clue to track Jerome.
Ber tilted his head repeatedly at my guess and muttered softly.
“Camille… I feel like I’ve heard that name before…”
“Enough. Don’t try to get anything out of me like you did last time—”
“Gasp!”
Suddenly, Ber’s eyes lit up.
His following words left me wide-eyed.
“I remember! I know who Camille is!”
* * *
💀i need more points aaaaaah moment
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