* * *
For a moment, a murderous urge surged toward Cha Taeyang.
But seeing that miser—who treated consumables like gold—lavishly pouring potions on Jehee the moment I joined them, it seemed there was a reason behind it after all.
“You did a great job. Thanks to you… huh?”
We killed the monster and retrieved only the “dungeon core,” then immediately brought Jehee out.
It wasn’t until we shook off the reporters and spectators and arrived at a deserted park that I could finally feel at ease.
“Um, I…”
The mask was more useful than expected.
I’d worn it to conceal my identity and, while I was at it, chose one that suited Jehee’s tastes—but now, when the thought of facing Jehee as “Im Taehwan” felt so wrong, it was strangely comforting.
I shamelessly sat Jehee on a quiet, empty bench and checked over his body.
Maybe it was thanks to Cha Taeyang using surprisingly good potions—though Jehee had clearly looked injured, his body now showed no wounds.
He’d need a thorough check-up, but nothing seemed immediately dangerous.
Considering the kind of monster we’d faced—especially for a first real battle—that was incredible.
‘You’re amazing, Jung Jehee.’
Even while fighting the monster, I saw no sign that Cha Taeyang had used his ability on it.
His combat style is power-type, fighting alongside a giant clone, so it’s distinctly different from Jehee’s.
There’s no mistaking it.
Jehee had defeated strong monsters even right after awakening, but this time was on another level.
Most Hunters wouldn’t even think of going up against that thing—they’d have turned tail and run.
But Jehee not only didn’t flee, he fought it—and managed to deal significant damage, alone.
How many people in this country could’ve done that?
Even globally, not many.
Of course, Jehee is an S-Class. I could’ve done that much too, being the same rank… but Jehee?
It’s hard to believe.
Not long ago, he was trembling in my arms from a fever.
He’s never had any real battle experience, not even the most basic combat training.
He can’t fully control his powers yet, either.
So how did he even think to take on something like that?
Should I call it bravery?
Or just plain recklessness?
I’m scared all the time—scared Jehee will get hurt, or worse, disappear from my side forever.
But Jehee is always the opposite of me.
“Ah… ngh. I’m sorry…”
Jehee was crying.
This was, essentially, his first real dungeon.
He fought in it, got hurt—even just staying conscious afterward is impressive.
Most people either pass out mid-battle or faint once they feel safe.
For Jehee to simply shed tears like this—he’s incredibly brave.
I know that better than anyone.
But watching him cry made me… wish for something.
‘If only this incident would make Jehee afraid of the field.’
Whether he’s one of the few S-Class Awakened, whether he has amazing potential, whether he’s the center of the public’s attention—none of that matters.
If Jehee truly wants it, I’ll do whatever it takes—put everything on the line—to pull him out of this hell.
But… I knew I was just dreaming. I’ve been by Jehee’s side too long to believe he’d back down this easily.
“I… it’s the first time I saw someone… die…”
See? It’s not ‘I’m scared.’
He’s not crying from fear after witnessing death for the first time.
He’s crying because someone died right in front of him, and he couldn’t stop it.
‘What a fool.’
Jehee’s always been like this—even as a child, he put others before himself.
He worried more about his mom being tired than his own struggles.
Even after his life was torn apart by a gate accident, he was more concerned about me feeling guilty than his own wounds.
That won’t change in the future.
Now that he’s Awakened and can do more, he will do more.
He might even get hurt, suffer, because of that.
But what can I do?
Jehee smiles his happiest smile when helping others.
And I promised—I swore I would be the one to make that Jehee happy.
I had to keep that promise. I resolved to stay by his side, to help him do whatever he wants.
Even imagining hurting the person Jehee loves… now, face-to-face with him, I realized it was just delusion.
I could never harm Jehee.
Or anyone close to him.
As long as Jehee’s happy, that’s enough.
I can let him go.
I have to.
If I have just one wish—as someone who has loved him for so long, and still does…
‘I want to kiss him.’
That time I helped him masturbate, Jehee leaned his head on my shoulder and looked at my lips.
He probably wanted me to kiss him.
Maybe he had just learned what a kiss meant and, in that hazy mood, innocently wanted to try it too.
I knew what Jehee felt… but I held back. I blinded myself to his eyes.
Teaching an innocent Jehee about masturbation—as a longtime male friend—I could justify.
But a kiss… that felt too much like a lover.
I was afraid my feelings would be exposed.
So I couldn’t do it.
And I regretted it.
I should have done it.
Who knows if I’ll ever get another chance.
I’ll keep regretting it. I’ll keep getting angry at that version of me.
“But I’m okay now. Thanks to you, I feel a bit better. Thank you…”
Thinking dirty thoughts in front of Jehee always ends badly.
Especially now—Jehee was glowing.
His eyes and cheeks were flushed from crying, his lashes wet with tears, lips tightly bitten to stop himself from sobbing.
Everything about him was so beautiful, I stared blankly—and then Jehee smiled.
His already-red face bloomed with affection toward me.
In that moment—snap—something critical inside me broke.
My constantly spinning mind stopped working for this very important moment.
My body moved before my thoughts caught up.
And when I became aware of what I was doing—
—I was face to face with Jehee. Our lips almost touching.
“…?”
Jehee looked at me with startled eyes.
His body flinched.
“I’m sorry.”
That tiny movement shook my entire heart.
I quickly pulled away from him.
Backed off, step by step.
Thank god I had the mask on.
It was still insane, but at least I hadn’t touched him.
At least he couldn’t see my expression right now.
“I’m really sorry.”
Once I’d confirmed he was okay, I should’ve put him in an ambulance and sent him to the hospital.
Not stood there staring.
After what happened this morning, how could I be alone with Jehee in a secluded place?
My own carelessness made me sick.
But even regret… this wasn’t the place for it. I had to get out of here.
The way I handled it might’ve made me seem like some kind of perverted creep, but I had no choice.
I couldn’t let them see me as the “man in the gray coat.”
There was no way to prove my real identity.
I couldn’t let anyone find out that my longtime friend—Im Taehwan—the guy who pulled that obscene stunt this morning, had been lying to me all this time.
That I’d almost kissed him while he was pretending to be my idolized figure.
That absolutely couldn’t be revealed.
I’d have to find a way to apologize properly later—whether through my father or as Im Taehwan himself.
For now, the best option was to leave.
My head felt like it was about to explode, my mind was racing too fast, and I couldn’t come up with a better plan.
“W-Wait…!”
But I hadn’t made it more than a few steps before I had to stop. Jehee grabbed me—so desperately.
Like always, I couldn’t bring myself to shake off his hand.
When I turned back, Jehee’s cheeks were flushed an even deeper red than before.
His jet-black eyes, like glistening jewels, clearly reflected me.
With a look that plainly begged for something, he stammered out his words.
“I… um… I had a lot of bad memories today… ones I’ll never be able to forget… I mean…”
“……”
Jehee was drunk.
It was the potion’s effect.
Potions accelerate physical recovery, but because the pain can be overwhelming, they often contain ingredients that dull mental clarity to prevent users from going into shock.
He probably wasn’t speaking in his right mind.
So, once again, the right thing to do was endure.
I knew that. But still…
“Just this once.”
This was the only chance I had.
Maybe—just maybe—God had taken pity on me and given me this moment.
If Jehee, who had finally stepped into the world and started interacting with others, was willing—no matter how intoxicated—to let a stranger like the “man in the gray coat” kiss him… then if not now, someone else might steal Jehee’s first kiss.
The thought filled me with panic.
Shamefully so.
But… I’ve been by Jehee’s side his whole life.
We shared so many “firsts” together.
I truly believed, without a doubt, that nothing would change, and that we’d share all our “lasts” too.
That belief was shattered overnight.
In the end, I gave up all the ways I could’ve monopolized him.
I decided to let him go—to the world—without locking him up in the hands I’d protected him with for so long.
Even though I’d harbored this one-sided love for ages, I held back, again and again.
So please…
“Just this once. For the last time.”
I hoped he could forgive me for coveting just one more of his “firsts.”
With that silent wish, I covered Jehee’s eyes with my hand.
* * *
