* * *
My own voice rang in my ears, muffled and heavy.
I should’ve sounded more certain—but this was what came out.
I swallowed the bitter laugh threatening to rise from the self-deprecation.
Only after a long pause did my grandfather finally speak.
“Alright. If this is your will, then I’ll follow it.”
His strong arms tightened around me a little more.
I returned the hug once and then carefully stepped back from his embrace.
I couldn’t help but glance at his expression—and our eyes met.
Those intense, somewhat sharp eyes softened into a gentle arc.
It felt like he was telling me not to worry.
‘Tap, tap.’
He lightly tapped the table with his fingers.
“Well then… the important thing now is deciding when you’ll return.”
“…Yes.”
“When do you think would be best? What matters most is that you’re fully prepared—emotionally.”
His gaze turned serious.
I lowered my eyes.
Truthfully, I could reveal my identity right now if I wanted to.
What I was worried about was what would come after the truth came out—that Shane Pantheon, the commoner orphan, was actually Sean Kreveta, heir to the Marquis of Kreveta.
Sean Kreveta’s survival, and the fact that the Pantheon ducal house had been protecting him all this time… once that was revealed, it would inevitably cause political upheaval.
That’s why I wanted to wait until the timing worked in our favor.
‘Before that, I need to know what’s going on with the Marquisate.’
“Grandfather, what’s the current atmosphere in the Marquis household like…?”
At my question, my grandfather folded his arms and leaned back slightly.
“Hmm…”
His reaction wasn’t very encouraging.
After a moment of thought, he finally spoke.
“It’s not bad. Things have settled down quite a bit.”
Even as he said it, his voice carried exhaustion, maybe even regret.
He raised his brows slightly and let out a long sigh through his nose.
It seemed like he was debating how to explain it.
I tried to encourage him by speaking with intention.
“I’d like to know… in a bit more detail, if possible.”
“…Alright.”
He gave a short answer and nodded lightly.
“You… need to know, after all.”
He wiped his mouth with one hand and began speaking slowly.
“After the accident—after you were officially declared missing—some time passed.
Then, some people started insisting that a new heir needed to be chosen.
They began investigating, and that’s when they discovered that certain influential cadet branches and retainers had been conspiring and committing various corrupt acts.”
“……”
“When the full investigation began, we even found out they sold the carriage’s travel route from that day. But none of them remembered who they sold it to—not even a physical description. We tried deep magical probing to retrieve the memories, but the suspect died in the process.”
“……”
“They had sealed their memories with black magic. The ones who bought the route.”
I’d expected something like this, but hearing it directly from my grandfather made my chest tighten.
His tone was composed, but he couldn’t completely hide the pain.
I forced myself to stay calm and offered my own guess.
“If that’s the case, then maybe the memory of selling the carriage route was a planted one.”
“I believe so, too. That would explain why the seal triggered when we tried to dig deeper.”
“Was there no other lead at all?”
He gave a heavy nod.
“I thought there had to be some kind of evidence. If they were bold enough to plan something like this, they must’ve started trying to seize power much earlier. But… there was nothing. It made me want to believe we just hadn’t found it yet.”
“……”
“In exchange for information, what they received was money. And not even that much of it. It’s likely they were tempted to sell more internal information and then brainwashed to find out the carriage’s route. So in other words…”
The grandfather’s face and voice carried an indescribable grief.
There was a sense of futility mixed into it.
He had likely believed a much larger conspiracy was at play, only to realize it wasn’t anything so grand after all.
The carriage route had been leaked, and his son and daughter-in-law were killed.
And the cause?
A distant family branch, desperate for money, had tried to secretly sell internal information and ended up being used in turn.
“In a way… if it had been an act meant to take down the Marquisate, maybe that would’ve been better. Haha… What a pathetic thought, right?”
I wanted to offer words of comfort, but the words wouldn’t come.
It wasn’t meant to be a comparison, but unlike him, I had no memories with my parents.
I regretted never getting to be with them, and yes, I did feel a sense of loss knowing they were never there to begin with—but that was it.
But for Grandfather, it was different.
He’d watched his son from the moment he was born and had poured all his love into raising him.
The emotions built up over all that time must have become a grief and longing I couldn’t even begin to fathom.
‘Honestly, I can’t even imagine it properly.’
After a long pause, Grandfather rubbed his face with both hands.
“I’m sorry.”
“…You don’t need to be. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
At my words, he gave a brief smile.
“Anyway, the Marquisate is stable now. We’ve weeded out the ones who tried to seize power while the heir was away, and we’ve selected a new heir candidate. People we can trust—at least for now.”
‘At least for now.’
That meant there was no guarantee of what might happen later.
“Do they know that I’m alive?”
“No.”
“I see.”
My survival itself was likely to become a variable.
Even if there were no problems now, who knew what might happen as time passed?
Even if I officially gave up my right to succeed, as long as I was alive, I would be a lingering presence.
That was one of the reasons why becoming engaged to Raizen was, in the long term, a means of protecting myself.
Unless we divorced, I would live and die as someone from Pantheon.
And if I had children, they would be Pantheon’s heirs, not Kreveta’s.
“Grandfather.”
“Yes, dear. Go on.”
“I want to announce both my survival and my engagement to Raizen at the same time. In an official setting.”
That way would be the most effective.
∗ ∗ ∗
[Why don’t you love me?]
In his dream, Raizen asked someone.
He couldn’t tell who it was, but the yearning and resentment in his voice were painfully clear.
It felt like his heart was burning to ashes.
The other person gave a faint smile and answered:
[I do love you.]
No—that was a lie.
Dream-Raizen was certain of it.
The reason was all too obvious.
[Then why won’t you look only at me? You tell others you love them too! I’m not the only special one—everyone receives your love, don’t they! Everyone is loved by you!]
Dream-Raizen cried out desperately.
It was so intense, he felt he could taste blood in the back of his throat.
[Is it love when it’s given equally to everyone? You get to possess me, but I can’t possess you—not even a part of you. And yet you still call this love?]
Even with all his accusations, the person just kept smiling faintly.
Raizen felt a black, scorching emotion boiling up from deep within him, past his desperation.
It was a raw, unmistakable fury.
[You’re deceiving me. This… this isn’t love.]
To that, the other person replied in a gentle voice:
[And so?]
There had been a trace of sorrow in that voice—but dream-Raizen didn’t notice it.
His eyelids, long closed, finally opened. His crimson eyes were still hazy, as though lost in the dream.
After staring at the ceiling for a moment, his crimson gaze was swallowed again by his eyelids.
His briefly surfaced consciousness sank once more.
[You’re honestly disgusting. Your life is so easy, isn’t it? That’s why you act generous to someone who looks pitiful—just so you can feel superior.]
When he opened his eyes again, there was a familiar yet unfamiliar face in front of him.
* * *
