* * *
To me, being sick was always something that would pass if I endured it.
If I ever felt like I was truly dying, I’d just go to the hospital, get some medicine, and be fine in two days. So I got used to putting up with most pain.
As a kid, I think I got sick more often than necessary.
But as I grew older, it didn’t happen as much, so I figured it was fine.
Of course, that also meant that when I did get sick, my mood would tank.
On those days, I’d get stuck in useless thoughts and force myself to sleep.
Then, at some point, I’d wake up to the deep, dark night.
It’s quiet and pitch black.
And in that silence, I’d realize that no one had come to check on me, even though I hadn’t eaten and had just been sleeping all day.
I hated that feeling.
So I’d pull the blanket over my head and curl up tightly.
“……”
I opened my eyes.
Darkness greeted me.
I stared blankly at the empty air, trying to piece my memories together.
‘…Damn it.’
I should’ve just gone to the restroom and thrown up.
What was the point of holding it in just to embarrass myself like that?
I swallowed a sigh and squeezed my eyes shut.
“……”
The silence was suffocating.
It pressed down on my entire body.
A sharp, aching sensation throbbed in my stomach, and I instinctively pushed myself up halfway.
That’s when I sensed it—someone moving right next to me.
Startled, I turned to look.
Through the darkness, a familiar face came into view.
“…Hyung?”
“Sei.”
It was Raizen.
Why… was he here?
Confused, I blinked at him.
Raizen didn’t say anything.
He just watched me quietly.
For some reason, holding his gaze for too long felt exhausting, so I was the first to look away.
My mouth felt strangely dry.
I needed to say something.
If I stayed silent any longer, the sound of my racing heartbeat would be loud enough for Raizen to hear.
“…Sorry about earlier. Because of me…”
My throat was dry, and I coughed involuntarily.
Raizen reached forward and handed me a glass of water.
After draining it, my throat felt a little better, though my nerves didn’t.
“I, uh… Sorry. We were supposed to leave today, but my condition messed up the plans. Haha.”
Raizen didn’t say anything.
‘Say something, damn it.’
I felt awkward enough to want to squirm.
My whole body was curling in on itself.
I reached up and rubbed the back of my neck, letting out an awkward laugh.
“You must be tired, hyung. Go get some sleep. You went through a lot because of me today.”
Even after saying that, Raizen didn’t move. He didn’t speak, either.
With no other choice, I laid back down and pretended to sleep.
Then, Raizen finally spoke.
“That’s not true.”
“Huh?”
I froze in the middle of lying down and looked up.
He didn’t answer right away.
Instead, he opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if carefully choosing his words.
“Nothing that happened today was because of you.”
After saying that, Raizen averted his eyes for the first time.
He’d been staring at me so intently this whole time, but now, at this exact moment, he looked away.
Raizen—the Raizen—acting like this? There was no way he was feeling shy, right?
‘Yeah. No way.’
I couldn’t afford to misunderstand.
I couldn’t start thinking that I had changed Raizen, that I had somehow affected the guy who barely understood emotions, let alone empathy.
That kind of thought shouldn’t even take root.
Because once it did, it would be impossible to uproot.
Even so, my heart kept racing out of control.
I wanted him to leave.
I didn’t care about anything else—I just wanted him to go, before I lost my damn mind.
“…Really?”
I muttered more to myself than to him.
Raizen asked, “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
His stare was skeptical.
“Really, I’m totally fine! I just ate something bad. It’s nothing.”
“…Is that so?”
I nodded with all the energy I could muster.
Finally, the doubt in his gaze faded.
“We’ll leave for the duchy tomorrow afternoon.”
“Oh.” I gave a small nod.
Then, Raizen’s next words hit me like an arrow to the chest.
“I’ll be enrolling in the Royal Academy.”
For a second, I thought I misheard.
“…What?”
“I’m going to the advanced program at the Royal Academy. It’s the most effective weapon in the public opinion war ahead.”
‘Right. That makes sense.’
I understood immediately.
A divine prophecy had been made public.
The emperor and the temple were silent for now, but that was just the calm before the storm.
‘No way things would stay peaceful forever.’
Even if it’s not visible on the surface, plenty will be going on beneath.
The public opinion battle that Raizen mentioned is just one example.
Rumors will quietly spread, and there will be subtle efforts to stir unease among the empire’s citizens.
‘That’s why… Raizen going to the Royal Academy is the right choice.’
If the Duke of Luavis really had ulterior motives, he wouldn’t miss such a golden opportunity.
He’d take the incident from ten years ago and this latest prophecy, tying them together to spread the rumor that Raizen was cursed.
But what if the very subject of the rumor, Raizen, was openly attending the Royal Academy?
‘Then the rumor would be dismissed as nonsense. Raizen will carefully build and maintain a flawless public image.’
As I slowly organized my thoughts, it almost felt absurd to think otherwise.
‘I know that. But then why…’
Why does it feel like my heart is being torn apart?
The fact that Raizen is going to the Royal Academy caught me off guard—it was never even an option I had considered.
But more than that…
‘The timing is just awful.’
A fleeting moment of happiness is always followed by misfortune.
That was the rule of my life.
I don’t know about others, but for me, that’s how it’s always been.
That’s why I felt uneasy from the very moment Raizen took me to Green Apple.
‘No… It was the Duchess who suggested I go out in the first place.’
Maybe all of this was orchestrated by the Duchess.
After all, from the outside, I must seem like the perfect little brother who adores Raizen.
Right. Subconsciously, I must have known.
That’s why I was so certain Raizen had something important to tell me.
If I had just heard it then and there, maybe it would’ve been easier to bear.
But of all times, I had to be sick.
And of all things… Raizen had to carry me.
And in his arms, I had fallen asleep—so easily, so comfortably.
Then, when I woke up, he was still there.
‘It felt good.’
Damn it, it felt so good.
And I had dared to hope.
That maybe… maybe something had changed.
“Sei?”
I swallowed down my emotions with all my might.
Don’t let it show. Just smile.
In a split second, I whispered it to myself hundreds of times before looking at Raizen.
He seemed relieved.
Of course—he must have felt frustrated, unable to say what he needed to say all this time.
Beside him, as always, was the floating Affinity.
After realizing my feelings, I had come to despise the negative sign in front of the number.
But at least… at least it was rising, even if only little by little.
If it kept increasing, one day it would reach zero.
And maybe—just maybe—it could go even higher.
Then, who knows?
‘Pathetic.’
How could I dare to entertain such a delusion?
[Raizen Miel Pantheon / Affinity: –7.1]
And yet, reality remained unchanged.
A negative affection score.
It wasn’t even a number that could be considered “affection” to begin with.
But despite that, I had been foolish enough to read meaning into his words, his gaze, his actions—to feel happy about it.
‘Raizen doesn’t like me.’
Not in a romantic sense.
Not even as a person.
That’s why he could say those words to me the moment I woke up, as if he had been waiting for it.
Because to him, it didn’t matter in the slightest.
I forced the corners of my lips up into a smile.
Thank god the room was dark.
“Then, I’ll make sure to create more relics. I assume you’ll be able to receive them by mail? Since replenishing divine power isn’t easy once it’s depleted, I’ll keep sending them.”
What Raizen needed was my divine power.
And what I wanted…
‘To safely reach adulthood, inherit my share of the Sean estate, and leave—to live a quiet life far, far away.’
That was always the plan.
Even the former Marquis Kreveta had told me to do as I pleased.
There was no reason to feel guilty anymore.
‘So for my sake, this world needs to stay intact.’
That’s why I helped Raizen. That was all there was to it.
“Brother, I’m exhausted. Could you leave now?”
Maybe it was because I was forcing myself to suppress my emotions, but suddenly, my vision spun.
I clenched my eyes shut and took a moment to steady myself before pretending everything was fine.
“…Alright. Rest well.”
Raizen answered shortly before rising from his seat.
I let my body relax as I watched his retreating figure—only for him to suddenly turn back around.
“……”
“……”
By now, my eyes had adjusted to the darkness.
Even with some distance between us, I could tell he was looking at me.
He wasn’t saying anything.
His gaze, always so indifferent, felt slightly different this time—but I had no idea what it meant.
Then, Raizen took a step toward me and briefly, firmly, held my hand before turning away.
‘Ha.’
That damn divine power.
Divine power.
Divine power.
The lifeline that kept me connected to him—the only reason he needed me—who would have thought I’d grow to despise it this much?
Click.
The door shut behind him.
Only then did I crawl under the covers.
Maybe it was just exhaustion, but the inside of my ears burned, and my mind felt light and hazy.
‘It’s… hot.’
I felt feverish, parched. But I couldn’t move an inch.
Somewhere in the air, a faint scent of roses lingered…
* * *
