* * *
“Ah… I should’ve heard Kim Woosun out.”
Cha Joobin collapsed onto the sofa, absently tapping his toes.
Or at least, he should’ve talked a bit more with Gong Yoochan.
Even if he had gotten angry, he should have made sure the man had some soup while he was sick.
He couldn’t stop sighing, regretting his actions.
It hadn’t been long since Joobin started avoiding conversations with Yoochan.
He understood that as both of them got busier, their conversations naturally dwindled even before they discussed breaking up.
Still, he held back on sharing his own struggles from work, worried that it might add to Yoochan’s fatigue, which led to their conversations dwindling further until there was almost nothing left to say.
Back in the day, he used to chatter on without a care, but at some point, it became hard to start a conversation with Yoochan.
And so, Joobin found himself sulking alone, grumbling about things.
He could have just told him directly that he didn’t want him meeting Kim Woosun, but instead, he lashed out in frustration.
Sure, Yoochan had scolded him when he said “no” a few times, but he should have just kept saying it.
But… I don’t want to break up…
Joobin wasn’t sure what possessed him to suggest breaking up.
Maybe it was out of sheer stubbornness.
He hated how Yoochan could bring up breaking up so casually.
In a moment of anger, he retaliated without thinking.
He had ignored Yoochan’s attempts to talk afterward, not because he wanted it to end, but because he was afraid it really would.
Joobin knew he should’ve tried talking things through, but when he faced Yoochan, he just couldn’t.
He wasn’t confident enough to believe he could change Yoochan’s mind.
So, he made up excuses, leaving the house on nonexistent errands or imaginary meetings, hoping to avoid a real end.
He just wanted to avoid a true breakup at all costs.
“I’m acting like a kid… ah…”
Joobin buried his face in his large hands.
If only he were three years older, or at least the same age as Yoochan, he wouldn’t come across as so immature.
People often said he seemed mature outside, but when he was with Yoochan, he couldn’t understand why he acted like a child.
His constant snapping at Yoochan was just because he hated the situation they were in.
He knew he shouldn’t behave like that, and every time, he regretted it.
Yet, he couldn’t control himself.
Because it was Yoochan.
“…”
Joobin closed his eyes, recalling how not too long ago, during a shoot for a dating variety show, their relationship had been pretty good.
They had gone bowling to relive the feelings from the early days of their relationship, and the atmosphere had been nice.
He even felt a flutter, like it was their first time dating, and Yoochan seemed to feel the same.
But maybe that was just Joobin.
Or maybe it all went downhill when he carelessly mentioned “cycling partner.”
Still, why did he have to call Kim Woosun then?
So what if he was younger?
It wouldn’t hurt to rely on him a bit more.
Joobin glanced at his phone, chewing his lower lip.
No messages from Yoochan.
Had Kim Woosun gone home?
Yoochan was sitting in the hallway earlier, and knowing him, he might have let Woosun into his house.
“Damn it…”
Maybe I should just go back.
Even though they fought, and even though he had lashed out, the thought of Kim Woosun being there by Yoochan’s side made him furious.
There had been a time when he was charmed by Yoochan’s kindness, his ability to get along well with others.
Unlike himself, who was quiet and blunt, Yoochan was the type to take his time accepting people as part of his life.
Joobin had worked hard to become one of those people.
But he never imagined that same trait would become the source of his insecurity.
Joobin squeezed his eyes shut, his mind racing.
He pushed himself off the sofa, deciding it would be better to go and get rid of Kim Woosun than to sit around agonizing alone.
Because Yoochan was sick. That was his justification.
Just as Joobin started putting on his shoes, a message popped up on his phone.
[Hyung♥: Joobin-ah]
Was he seeing things?
Joobin rubbed his eyes, but the message didn’t disappear.
With nervous hands, he called Yoochan.
The familiar muffled voice answered after a few rings.
“What?”
He should’ve spoken more gently.
But then again, they had fought, so this level of coldness should be fine, right?
But still…
He was used to overthinking every word before speaking when it came to Yoochan.
While hastily slipping on his shoes, Joobin gripped his phone tightly.
“Why did you call?”
─ Are you home?
“Yeah, I’m home.”
─ …
What’s this? Is Kim Woosun not there? Did he leave?
It wouldn’t help to show he was bothered by Woosun, so Joobin swallowed the question and looked around, his eyes darting nervously.
He heard Yoochan swallow audibly over the phone.
─ Sorry about making you see Woosun.
“…”
─ I sent him away. He’s not coming back. I won’t call him over again. I won’t contact him. I’m sorry, Joobin. I shouldn’t have tried to keep him around as a friend when I knew it made you anxious and upset.
“…”
Does that mean he really cut him off?
Joobin wasn’t sure whether he should be happy or not.
A mix of feelings welled up inside him—he wasn’t fully relieved, nor was he entirely unhappy.
He swallowed nervously and gripped his phone tighter, fidgeting with his car keys.
Judging from Yoochan’s weary, muffled voice, he wasn’t in good shape.
Joobin’s gut told him he should go over right away to take care of him, but the situation still felt strange.
─ I called to say that. I’m sorry.
“I’m coming over. Just lie down.”
─ …
“Hyung, are you listening? I’m coming over now.”
─ Yeah…
Joobin stepped out of his apartment with a conflicted expression.
He had heard the words he had longed for—Yoochan saying he cut off Kim Woosun—yet the unease gnawing at his heart didn’t go away.
That unease came from experience.
Still, maybe this time would be different.
Joobin tried to calm his racing heart as he entered the underground parking lot.
The mess he had made of his parking job made him chuckle. Yoochan would definitely scold him if he saw this.
Joobin couldn’t help but smile at the thought, though it was bittersweet.
At least he could appreciate Yoochan taking the first step to apologize.
Joobin took a deep breath and started the engine, driving smoothly toward Yoochan’s place, unlike earlier.
Once he parked, he took a deep breath to steady himself.
No matter what happened, he resolved not to snap or get angry this time.
First, he would check on Yoochan.
Standing in front of the elevator, Joobin blew out a breath and shook out his tense hands.
It was just like any other time he went to see Yoochan, but his hands clenched and unclenched involuntarily.
Then, the elevator dinged, and as the doors opened…
“Oh.”
There was Kim Woosun again.
He had said he sent him away, and at least 10 minutes had passed since the call, but Woosun was only just now leaving.
Joobin swallowed his rising questions, trying to brush them off.
Yoochan had apologized for everything in the past, so there was no point in doubting him now.
Yoochan had sincerely apologized, so Joobin decided to trust him moving forward.
He was about to pretend he hadn’t seen Woosun and step into the elevator when…
“Do you really want to treat someone who’s sick like that?”
A low voice sliced through the air. Joobin shot a sharp glance at Woosun.
“Mind your own business.”
After all, he was here to make up with Yoochan.
Yoochan had called him, and all he needed to do was go in, apologize for his own mistakes, and that would be it.
Avoiding even the slightest brush with Woosun, Joobin shifted his body and headed into the elevator.
As the elevator door was closing after pressing the button for the top floor where the dorm was, Kim Wooseon quietly murmured, “Yoochan cried a lot.”
Why did that comment leave such a bitter taste?
Instead of replying, Cha Joobin hurriedly pressed the close button repeatedly, as if urging the doors to close faster.
Folding his arms, he let out a long sigh, his mind slightly troubled by the thought that Gong Yoochan had never cried in front of him.
Yet, he shook his head, trying to dismiss the idea.
“If he’s crying, I should comfort him. I should apologize for being too harsh,” he thought as he walked. With slightly trembling hands, he punched in the passcode.
As soon as the door clicked open, he heard the hurried footsteps running toward him.
When he peeked out, curious about the rush, he saw Gong Yoochan flushed and clearly agitated.
“Why are you running like that?”
Gong Yoochan stood there as usual, with no trace of tears in sight.
Trying to hide his complicated emotions, Cha Joobin cupped his face gently.
“Did you eat beef bone soup?”
The fact that this was all he could manage to say made his chest ache.
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