* * *
Seeing the strange white shape inside the black mass on the ultrasound made my heart pound, and my hands trembled. When the doctor asked if I wanted to hear the baby’s heartbeat, I refused and left the examination room feeling very strange and downhearted.
Noticing my expression, the doctor asked if I had any other questions. Hesitantly, I asked,
“Do you also perform surgeries here?”
“If you’re considering an abortion, you’ll need to prepare in advance. You have to take medication for three days to openyour omega organ, and you need to think carefully as many people regret it.”
The doctor explained the procedure clearly. He described what I would need to do if I chose not to keep the baby and then asked,
“Should I prepare the medication for you?”
“Oh, no. I’ll think about it a bit more.”
Startled by the doctor’s offer, I refused and left the examination room. Taeshin was still in the same spot, and I forced a smile as I approached him.
“What did they say?”
“Uh, yeah.”
That was the best answer I could manage. Taeshin asked, and I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up.
Even though I had expected it and cried enough yesterday, tears flowed again.
Taeshin led me to a corner and wiped my tears with a handkerchief.
“It’s okay, Sunwoo. It’s not your fault. It’s my doing, so why are you crying?”
No, Taeshin. I’m really scared. I’m afraid of having the baby, and I’m scared of getting rid of it. I feel like a terrible person, guilty and remorseful. I keep thinking I have to get rid of it, and I feel so sorry for the baby…
“I want to go home… to your house.”
I cried in Taeshin’s arms, acting spoiled. He stroked me and took me back to his place. My eyes were swollen, and I lay on his bed, still crying. Even though I don’t usually cry this much, I couldn’t stop, even as Taeshin comforted me, saying it was all his fault.
Eventually, I got dehydrated, drank some water, and cried again.
Taeshin, we’re still young, and we know we have to get rid of the baby, but it hurts so much. The baby already has a heartbeat, but because of our mistake, it won’t be born.
It’s sad and painful. If our parents find out, they’ll tell us to get rid of it too.
The baby knows nothing… I’m really scared and anxious.
When they asked if I wanted to hear the heartbeat, I refused, but now I regret it… I… I want to hear the heartbeat…
“Do you want to ge rid of it?”
Yeah, because we have to…
“Sunwoo, what do you really want to do?”
Taeshin whispered, hugging me. I closed my eyes and whimpered.
…I don’t know. I wish I could wake up and this was all just a lie. But the thought of the baby’s heartbeat keeps bothering me…
“Forget everything else, our parents, school, everything. I’ll do whatever you want, Sunwoo.”
I thought only about the baby and, sobbing, replied,
“…I want to have it…”
“Then let’s have the baby, Sunwoo.”
That’s impossible.
We’ll get in trouble.
They’ll tell us to get rid of it.
There will be practical problems we don’t even know about.
“Don’t worry, Sunwoo. I’ll do everything you want.”
Taeshin’s voice sounded distant. For a moment, I felt like I was asleep, then I slowly regained consciousness and opened my eyes.
Taeshin was still looking at me, holding me. In my dazed state, I replayed his words in my mind and asked,
“Can we keep it?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“And you?”
I asked a question to Taeshin, who had been comforting me all day, telling me everything would be okay.
Taeshin looked at me quietly, then gently stroked my forehead, the bridge of my nose, and the space between my eyebrows with his fingers, smiling softly.
“I hope they look a lot like you and a little like me.”
His eyes sparkled with joy at just the thought, and I didn’t know how to respond, so I burrowed into his embrace, burying my head.
I clung tightly, even as my damp nose stained his clothes, taking deep breaths until his pheromones gently enveloped me.
The sharp pain in my lower abdomen, which had been throbbing, began to fade as if the baby inside me was reacting to Taeshin’s pheromones.
Taeshin, you acted like you were fine, but you actually wanted this too… Thinking back on how he never showed any signs or said anything, I stopped my thoughts as they drifted away again.
Honestly, I couldn’t open my eyes.
“…Am I swollen?”
“Hmm.”
Taeshin’s hum was a confirmation.
“You look like that boss monster you asked me to catch…”
Whack!
“What the…!”
How could he say I looked like the monsters I sent him pictures of?
Enraged, I clenched my fist and started hitting Taeshin, though my punches only landed on the pillow and the bed.
Breathing heavily, I noticed Taeshin chuckling softly as he held my cheeks in his hands, preventing me from opening my eyes.
“I’m kidding. You’re cute.”
Smooch!
“…Idiot, stop messing around and get some ice or cold water.”
I pushed away Taeshin’s hands from my face, trying to hide my surprise at the warm, moist touch.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“If you’re tricking me into thinking I’m blind…”
Tap.
“See? How could my hand be up to anything weird?”
“…It felt different earlier.”
Something tapped against my lips. It felt like fingers, brushing against my lips. Confused, I moved my lips to feel the slightly rough and firm texture, which made Taeshin pause before pressing again.
“Isn’t this my hand?”
“The thing that touched my eyes felt different…”
Was I mistaken? I tilted my head in confusion, and Taeshin pressed his finger against the spot on my eye where something had touched earlier. It felt more solid and narrow.
“This isn’t it. You’re trying to trick me.”
“Then maybe this. Check it out.”
Smooch!
“……!”
Something warm and soft touched my lips, the same sensation I felt on my eyes. What is this? I opened my mouth in shock, and Taeshin said something that left me speechless.
“What do you think it is that makes your pheromones go wild?”
You, you…! Unable to speak, I just gaped, burying my face in the bed. My heart raced, and my face turned red.
After a moment of small laughter, Taeshin went somewhere and returned with a cold towel, placing it on my face.
Just wait until I can see, Taeshin… Grinding my teeth in frustration, I decided to let it go this time, feeling the gentle touch of Taeshin’s hand, along with his pheromones, soothing my abdomen.
Whenever Taeshin’s pheromones and hands touched my abdomen, the pain I endured alone for so long quickly disappeared.
It was like magic how everything was resolved with a touch of Taeshin’s pheromones and hands, and I wondered if the baby inside knew something too. Taeshin really…
“…Go away.”
“I’m just looking.”
“I’m not kissing you.”
Taeshin, who had wiped away the cold towel from my face, started creeping closer again.
As my eyes finally opened and I looked at Taeshin sharply in warning, he rolled his eyes and looked slightly dejected.
Don’t be ridiculous, Taeshin. Do you think I’ll fall for that twice? I still vividly remembered how I ended up kissing Taeshin multiple times in the classroom. Thinking he might believe I would fall for his expression again, I scoffed, and Taeshin, watching me, hoped for a compromise.
“How about a kiss on the cheek?”
“…You want to kiss a face that hasn’t even washed?”
“Yeah, I always want to.”
His gaze was filled with genuine warmth, like spring sunlight pouring over me. Avoiding his eyes, I responded.
“I refuse.”
“You’re so cold, Moon Sunwoo.”
As I firmly rejected him, Taeshin, who had been fluttering around like a fox, regretfully touched my hair. After a moment of coaxing, Taeshin asked if I would skip school.
Shaking my head at the obvious question, I got up. Missing school in the second semester was not an option.
Dragging Taeshin into the classroom, Jung Noeul greeted us, looking back and forth between me and Taeshin following behind.
“Did you guys make up?”
“We never fought.”
“Good. But Sunwoo, where’s your bag? Are you going rogue?”
“I decided to become a nature person starting today.”
Remembering my bag back in my room, I answered vaguely. Having come straight from Taeshin’s place with nothing, Taeshin, sitting next to me, handed me a pen.
Determined to listen to the lecture properly today, I opened my textbook, but my focus still wandered.
‘Then let’s have the baby, Sunwoo.’
Taeshin’s voice pulled my thoughts back.
* * *
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