* * *
Even as the sun set, the streets were still bright.
Everyone passing by seemed to be enjoying themselves, their faces glowing with happiness.
Junhee walked quickly, his head lowered, hands stuffed into his hoodie pockets. He looked so young.
Junhee knew this was a dream. A memory from his past, or perhaps a turning point.
Twenty-year-old Junhee didn’t head to the convenience store in the busy part of town but instead went to a more secluded neighborhood shop and bought four bottles of soju.
“Do you need a cup?”
The store owner, perhaps out of kindness, handed him two paper cups. The black plastic bag he slung over his wrist felt heavy against his skin.
Junhee’s next stop was a building surrounded by construction signs and fencing. The place had gone bankrupt, or something like that.
In any case, construction had been halted for years, and the abandoned building, with its exposed rebar, was left to decay.
The only light in this place came from a single streetlamp.
Junhee stared down at his long shadow before stepping inside the building.
It seemed to be quite tall, perhaps because the construction had progressed somewhat.
Junhee climbed upwards, stepping between the exposed rebar on the solidified concrete, stumbling and scraping his hands several times along the way.
By the time his worn-out sneakers were covered in dust, he had reached the top.
Gasping for breath, Junhee moved toward the edge of the steel frame. He was momentarily mesmerized by the glittering cityscape below.
“That’s my spot.”
A raspy voice made his shoulders jump.
He turned around in shock. The sound had come from the direction where building materials were piled up.
Squinting into the dim light, Junhee finally made out the figure of someone buried among the debris, slowly sitting up.
A newspaper that had been covering the man fluttered to the ground.
“Who…?”
Before Junhee could finish asking who he was, the man started walking toward him with confident strides.
The building had gaping holes everywhere, and a single misstep could easily lead to a deadly fall, yet the man didn’t seem the least bit concerned.
“Who do you think?”
As the man came closer, he smiled. His face, though marred by a scabbed-over lip, was surprisingly well-formed.
It wasn’t until then that Junhee noticed the man’s eyes had a faintly blue tint in the dim moonlight.
“…A homeless guy?”
“Wow, do I look that bad?”
The man chuckled and sat down next to Junhee, even rummaging through the black bag Junhee was holding.
“What are you doing?”
“A kid like you, drinking alone, huh?”
“I’m not a kid. I’m an adult.”
For some reason, that remark made Junhee feel defensive.
After all, being an adult meant he had to leave the orphanage, separated from his younger siblings.
“Yeah, yeah. Kid or adult, you’ve got to pay for your seat.”
“This building doesn’t belong to anyone. Are you the owner?”
“I got here first, so it’s my spot.”
“Just go away. Don’t bother me.”
“Hand over the booze. Stop being so gloomy.”
Junhee glared at the homeless man. No wonder he got beaten up somewhere, he thought bitterly.
Back then, Yoo Junhee was much sharper and rawer than he is now. Like someone who believed the world was entirely against them.
He thought about just leaving and finding somewhere else, but he hadn’t really planned any alternatives, so he hesitated.
Then, the man tugged at his sleeve.
“Hey, kid, sit down and have a drink. You’ve got to learn how to drink from an adult.”
“I didn’t come here to learn how to drink.”
“Then what, you came here to die?”
“….”
The man’s words struck a nerve, and Junhee clamped his mouth shut.
What he had bought from the shop wasn’t just alcohol but courage.
Even though he was ready to throw his life away, he still needed that courage.
It was as if the homeless man had seen right through him.
The man patted the spot next to him, inviting Junhee to sit down.
“Go ahead and do whatever you want, die if you like—I don’t care. But at least have a drink before you go.”
“Are you just an old-fashioned jerk?”
“If I were, I would’ve already taken your drink and kicked you out.”
Crack.
He twisted off the soju cap and let out a small laugh. Seeing him smile, he thought he might be younger than he first assumed.
Late twenties, maybe?
His comment somehow made my guard drop, and he slumped down beside him. Sitting next to him felt awkward, and he didn’t know what to say.
“Here, take this, kid.”
“I’m not a kid.”
He had graduated high school but hadn’t enrolled in college, so he wasn’t a student anymore. Just like his current situation—neither a child nor an adult, stuck in between.
That’s how most of Junhee’s life had been.
“Then what? Should I call you a runt?”
“……”
When Junhee glared at him, he laughed again, without any real reason.
“I’ve got a younger brother who’s just like you—always mouthing off. But compared to the way he talks, you’re just like a baby hedgehog, so don’t get too prickly.”
“If I push you off here, you’d fall to your death, you know?”
“But you won’t.”
“How do you know that?”
Her voice was laced with stubbornness.
“It’s obvious. You don’t have a hint of malice in your eyes. Do you know what my brother’s like? His eyes flash with madness. Real crazies are like that. They’d push you off before even talking.”
Junhee held back from telling him he seemed crazy, too. He poured soju into two paper cups, handed one to Junhee, and asked:
“Want some snacks with that?”
“You’re shameless, you know that? That’s my money you’re spending.”
He couldn’t believe he was making demands when he was the one buying him a drink. Without saying anything, he extended his cup, and he clinked it with his out of reflex.
“Ahh.”
He downed his drink in one go, and he followed suit, almost spitting it out.
“How’s it taste?”
“…Bitter as hell.”
“Yeah, that’s why people drink it.”
“Why would anyone pay money to drink something like this?”
“Because it tastes like life—bitter and harsh.”
Junhee scowled as he stared into the bitter liquid in the paper cup, then downed it in one go. It really was disgustingly bitter and awful.
The cups were filled and emptied a few more times. He could feel heat rising to his face, and it felt like warm air was puffing out of his nose. His vision began to blur slightly.
“Why do you want to die?”
“…Do I need a reason?”
“You’re born without a reason, but you usually have one when you die. Haven’t you seen the ‘cause of death’ box on a death certificate?”
“How would I know? And why do you care if I die or not? You’ve probably got family to fill out those forms for you.”
Regret followed quickly after he spoke, but it was too late. The alcohol made it easier to say things he would normally choke on.
He hung his head and took another drink. Still bitter.
“So, why did you become homeless, leaving your family behind?”
“Because I’m a Beta?”
“…Give me a break.”
He was contemplating death because he wasn’t a Beta, but he left his family because he was one?
It made no sense.
“You look like an Omega. Are you?”
“…”
“A recessive Omega?”
For someone who couldn’t even detect pheromones, he was quick to pick up on things.
“I’m tired of being abandoned. So I’m going to do the abandoning first.”
“Is that what you call revenge?”
The disbelief on his face made me furious.
“Shit, what do you know? Have you ever been discriminated against for being a Beta?”
“Yeah.”
The quick response caught Junhee off guard, and he looked at him in surprise.
His face was swollen and bruised, as if he’d been beaten up, but underneath it all, he wasn’t ugly. In fact, there was something refined about him.
“Think about it. Your dad, your brother, your cousins, all your relatives are Alphas. And not just any Alphas—dominant ones. But you’re the only Beta. How do you think that feels?”
“……”
“When I was your age, I also thought about just ending it all, or maybe dying as a form of revenge. But I realized it would be a waste. Only I would lose out. So instead of dying, I decided to endure.”
Junhee stared blankly at the scab on his lips.
“Yeah, ignore them. Let them treat you like you don’t exist. Then, when they least expect it, stab them in the back real hard. Mess them up. That’s how I got by. You should try it—it’s pretty satisfying.”
“…So, what changed by holding on? Did you mess them up?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
His cracked lips curled into a grin. Even as a beaten-up homeless man, he didn’t look pitiful at all.
“What’s your name, kid?”
“Yoo Junhee.”
“Junhee, you got any money?”
“Why?”
“As you can see, I’m broke. Lend me some, and I’ll give you something good in return.”
“Are you trying to sell me something? Are you also into pyramid schemes?”
“Hey, it’s not like that.”
He had been ready to die anyway. But after listening to this homeless guy, he wanted to live a little longer.
The ones who should suffer isn’t supposed to be him, but those who abandoned him. That thought made him feel better.
“I have a lot of money.”
“Really? Then trade it for this.”
“For what?”
The homeless man handed him a gray burner phone. The screen was cracked at the corners, but it was clearly the latest model.
He wondered what he’d even do with it, but still Junhee handed him a check card with 5 million won on it.
“That’s all the money I have.”
“I just need some bus fare.”
“Just take it all.”
The man stared at Junhee intensely for a long time, almost making him uncomfortable.
Worried he might be misunderstanding something, Junhee added a few words.
“Don’t worry, it’s not stolen. It’s just the support money you get when you leave the orphanage. I was planning on throwing it away anyway…”
Junhee had no intention of ever using that money. It was the price for being kicked out of the only home he had ever known, separated from the orphanage director he called ‘Mom.’
“Alright. I’ll pay you back for the money. You can collect it from my brother. He’ll probably pay you back a hundred times over.”
“How am I supposed to know who your brother is?”
“You’ll see. The guy with crazy eyes. If you have this, he’ll find you. My brother’s name is….”
Beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-beep!
6:50 AM. Junhee woke up to the sound of the alarm, drenched in cold sweat.
“…Phew.”
Whenever he was emotionally exhausted, he’d dream about old memories like that. The homeless guy he met when he decided to drink himself to death in that abandoned building. After that, his memory goes blank.
When he woke up, the homeless guy was gone, and the only thing left in his hoodie pocket was that gray burner phone.
The SIM card was missing, so he couldn’t make calls or send texts, but sometimes when he connected to Wi-Fi, one app would automatically update.
That app is what he use now.
* * *
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