Not to Me, But to the Fans chapter 1

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Jemin never imagined that he would debut in a place like this when he first dreamt of becoming an idol at the tender age of nine.

Back then, while awkwardly mimicking idol dances at the school talent show, he only worried about which major agency he would join, not thinking he’d end up in a company no one had ever heard of.

Such thoughts were too harsh for a second-grader in elementary school.

“Rejected?”

He couldn’t understand it.

How could someone like him, who clearly had the makings of an idol, keep getting rejected from auditions?

Jemin thought back to the audition, which didn’t seem to go badly.

The judges nodded, but what did that mean?

Were they nodding off instead of vibing to his amazing performance?

Wiping away his tears, Jemin ran four laps around the playground.

“I heard he passed that agency’s audition.”

It was right after Jemin had finished practicing his dance and was gulping down water.

The news that someone else had passed the audition he failed made him cough and splutter as he covered his mouth, listening intently to the other trainees’ conversation.

“No way. Was he that good?”

“Exactly. Honestly, I thought Jemin hyung would pass, and that guy would fail.”

“Hey, next to you…”

Only then did the guy seem to notice Jemin standing beside him, causing him to fall silent.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about….”

Why? Why on earth? What am I lacking compared to him?

I’m good-looking, not short, I dance well, sing well, and have a great personality.

Jemin felt like he was going to explode with frustration.

“Jemin, you’re too average.”

Contrary to Jemin’s thoughts, his dance academy teacher shook his head as he spoke.

“If only you stood out in one area. But you’re not bad at anything, and that’s what makes it bad.”

It would have been better if he had an outstanding talent in something.

Jemin was handsome but couldn’t compete with those even more handsome.

There were also many taller than him.

And there were many who couldn’t do much else but were way better dancers than Jemin.

He wasn’t even main vocal material, so naturally, he was pushed aside.

If having a good personality could make you an idol, then the guy who sells street tteokbokki in front of the academy would have debuted and been the center of attention by now.

“And your age is the biggest issue.”

Age. That’s right.

Idol careers are already short, and for male idols, debut age is critical unless they’re exempt from military service.

It’s generally expected that they debut at an age where they won’t have to go to the military during their seven-year contract.

“You’re at the age where you’re on the verge of missing the debut cutoff.”

Jemin bit his lip. He was anxious.

That’s why, over the past year, he had been auditioning at mid-sized agencies with solid senior artists, even if they weren’t the top-tier ones.

“Lower your sights a bit.”

Still, he didn’t expect such devastating results. Is this really all I’m worth? I thought I was meant to be an idol.

“Don’t just chase the big agencies.”

It had been almost a year since he gave up on the big agencies. Yet, people still thought he was stubbornly fixated on them.

He had already been rejected so many times.

Jemin realized that even the so-called mid-sized companies he had been considering were only mid-sized compared to the big ones—they weren’t small.

Did this mean he needed to lower his expectations even further than that? It was despairing.

The worst time for Jemin was during holidays.

“When are we ever going to see Jemin on TV?”

“Oh, don’t say that, you’ll hurt his feelings.”

“I’m not trying to hurt his feelings, but by now, he could have passed the civil service exam twice.”

“But I heard Jemin joined somewhere recently? Where was it again?”

It was miserable having to sit there like a sinner during every holiday.

To make matters worse, both of his parents came from large families with eight siblings each, so he had a lot of relatives.

Even if each relative said just one thing, he’d have to listen to dozens of comments.

His current agency was somewhere Jemin joined out of sheer desperation to debut anywhere.

“Q2P.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s called Q2P!”

Jemin unintentionally sprayed spit on his uncle, who looked at him with narrowed eyes as he wiped his face.

His aunt quickly asked another question to lighten the mood.

“Q…what? Never heard of it.”

“Which singers are in that company?”

Jemin couldn’t bring himself to say that they all ran away after not renewing their contracts. In the end, he left his relatives behind and walked out.

He kept walking until he reached an empty lot. Being in a deserted place strangely made him feel calmer.

Jemin sat down on the ground and looked up at the sky.

Would a day ever come when I shine like that star up in the pitch-black night sky?

Still, life doesn’t completely abandon you, does it?

All those struggles felt like yesterday, but now I’m a trainee with a confirmed debut.

“Let’s shine together.”

Jemin looked at the outstretched hand, then at the person’s face.

He thought this would be his last attempt, but it seems the world doesn’t intend to let him live as an ordinary person.

Tears of joy blurred Jemin’s vision as he realized he had finally made it.

“Yes!”

That’s right, I was born to be an idol. If I don’t become an idol, who will?

“I’m Yoo Jemin, the newest member of the debut group.”

Jemin naturally assumed he would be the oldest, but after listening to the conversation earlier, he realized that wasn’t the case.

Apparently, there was another trainee in the debut group who was older than him.

Considering his age wasn’t young anymore, he wondered if the older guy would debut, serve a few years, and then go to the military.

“Hello!”

He greeted everyone cheerfully, but no one really responded. Awkwardly, he went to the back and started his dance lesson.

Even though the previous debut group had been scrapped, weren’t they supposed to show some interest in the people they’d be spending the next few years with?

However, the intense choreography quickly made Jemin forget his complaints.

“Hello.”

Even though he didn’t expect much from this small agency, the debut group members looked better than he anticipated.

Actually, they were good enough to compare to idols who had already debuted.

Why are these guys in a place like this? And the guy who greeted him so warmly looked even younger.

“My name is Eunhan. Seo Eunhan.”

He had a cute face, but with a physique that matched the ideal man of this generation. Jemin looked up at the guy’s height, over 180 cm, with envious eyes.

And his name—how does it sound like a stage name?

Jemin wondered if the agency had tricked this innocent guy, who had no experience with the real world, into signing a contract.

“The CEO said you’re the very last member to join the debut group, so I was really looking forward to it.”

“Oh….”

Whether he was disappointed or satisfied, Jemin couldn’t tell.

It’s not like it’s uncommon in this industry to meet people who say one thing and mean another.

Jemin forced a smile and nodded. He could have cracked a joke to lighten the mood, but he didn’t have the energy for that.

“How old did you say you were, hyung?”

Jemin felt a bit embarrassed to say he was twenty-four, so he just held up four fingers.

“Then James hyung is the oldest. He’s over there.”

What? There’s someone older than me? Are we going to debut as a group only to disband because everyone goes to the military?

Jemin looked over at James with anxious eyes.

James, oblivious to Jemin’s worries, flashed a bright smile and waved at him, making Jemin feel bad enough to wave back.

“James hyung is a foreigner.”

Ah, well, at least that’s a relief.

If he’s a foreigner, he won’t have to go to the military.

‘I guess I can deduct two years from his age.’

“But hyung, he’s still learning Korean…. Do you speak English? Or Chinese?”

“No, not really….”

“That’s going to be tough. We’ve been talking through Papago for a month now.”

Already feeling the tension, Jemin broke into a cold sweat. Can this group really make it?

“That hyung over there is two years younger than you.”

Why are people here so old? Of course, out in society, you’re still in your prime in your early to mid-twenties, but isn’t that too old to debut as a male K-pop idol in Korea?

Most people debut at around seventeen.

Jemin felt an unnecessary sense of urgency, knowing he was two years older than that guy.

“This is a secret, but… he was originally with Agency A as a core member.”

“What?”

Eunhan whispered into Jemin’s ear as if sharing a secret. He had always thought of him as just a sensitive guy with a bad attitude, but to think he was a trainee at a major agency!

And Agency A, no less, the one Jemin auditioned for ten times and got rejected every time.

“How did he end up leaving…”

If he ended up here after leaving that agency, it must have been because he was kicked out. There’s no way he’d have left on his own unless he lost his mind.

“I heard this through rumors since the hyung doesn’t talk much, but… he said the agency’s musical style didn’t match his own. Woohyung writes and composes songs, you know. But they wouldn’t even let him include his songs in the album, so I think he stormed out in anger after a fight.”

Is he crazy? Did he throw away his chance because he was too obsessed with his own artistic vision?

If that’s the case, he should’ve become a composer, not an idol!

Jemin was dumbfounded, and his resentment toward Woohyung only grew.

“But the CEO promised to fully support him in terms of music and to include his songs in the album, so that’s probably why he came here. The CEO doesn’t accept songs from anyone else other than Woohyung.”

Woohyung noticed that they were talking about him and looked over.

Even though Eunhan waved, he ignored it and left the practice room.

His personality is rotten too. Jemin thought that Woohyung would’ve been kicked out soon enough even if his musical style wasn’t different from that of Agency A.

“Yunbin hyung will probably be the leader. He’s been with the company the longest. He’s twenty-two and has been a trainee for eight years!”

Jemin was more surprised that this agency had been around for eight years than that Yunbin had been a trainee for that long.

What on earth kept him here for eight years?

He must be a relative of someone in the company. There’s no other explanation.

“I’m four years younger than you, so I’m probably the youngest? So feel free to talk comfortably.”

Must be nice, being young.

Jemin feigned a compliment, saying, ‘How cute.’

“Sure, you can be casual with me too.”

Woohyung returned to the practice room, perhaps after taking a breather. Jemin stared at each member one by one, starting with Woohyung.

Let’s see. I lost the role of the group’s oldest member and the draw for international fans.

I lost the visual and youngest member roles too.

I lost the songwriter and composer role.

And the leader role is taken.

So what role do I have left?

Suddenly, Jemin felt a sense of crisis.

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