* * *
With Hesia’s explanation, Vivisian came to understand literally everything, yet he couldn’t bring himself to speak right away.
It wasn’t so much an explanation as it was an outright revelation—something that could easily be called the secret of the world, yet Hesia confessed it without hesitation, all for the sake of faith.
His face was filled with a desolate sorrow as tears streamed down his cheeks.
“I… I know you can say I was selfish. Fine, I’ll accept that. But still… I just wanted you to be happy in this world. You deserve to be loved… So come with me. I’ll make you even happier than before. Please? Vivi, come with me…”
Hesia’s head was lowered like a child repenting after making a mistake.
Even though he hadn’t committed a single sin, his posture radiated guilt, and rather than feeling awkward, Vivisian only found it pitiful.
Vivisian, frozen in place with a blank mind, finally snapped out of it when he saw Hesia’s figure.
He cautiously reached out and gently brushed Hesia’s cheek.
“I don’t think you’re selfish. That’s inevitable when you love someone… But, Sia, I’m not the Ian you knew. I’m not Vivi either.”
It was the gentlest rejection Vivisian could manage.
It wasn’t enough that he saw someone who claimed to be a different person within him.
If his survival was tied to such a trivial reason, resentment would’ve been justified—but Vivisian didn’t feel that way.
It was all the same: Ian, Vivi, Vivisian—they were one and the same person.
Everything in this world changes.
People, landscapes, even the gods who shaped this world.
There can be things that are flawless, but unchanging people?
Those don’t exist.
And yet, even knowing everything, Vivisian remained kind and blamed no one.
“No… no, Vivi. You are Vivi. I… I loved you even before I regained everything. It’s true. I loved you so, so much…”
Hesia’s words were more of a plea than a confession.
Vivisian carefully chose his next words.
What could one even say to someone who couldn’t hide their love, someone who offered their heart so nakedly, as if tearing it straight from their chest?
Vivisian’s eyes, filled with thought, looked at the stranger who still somehow felt familiar.
The thin, soft fabric of their clothes fluttered in the sandy wind, and their eyes sparkled like crushed gemstones—a gaze belonging to someone who had already accepted every answer.
And yet, even knowing that, Hesia couldn’t give up.
From the moment he realized he’d sacrificed everything to come back to the past, giving up simply wasn’t an option.
Aware of that, Hesia asked calmly:
“…I asked you to come with me. Should I say it bluntly? Or… gently?”
“Say it bluntly.”
In response to Hesia’s words, Vivisian, with a cool yet gentle face like a statue of a deity, replied.
“Alright. To be blunt, I don’t want to live anymore. The gods said… if I still want to die in a year, they’ll come and take my life themselves… I plan to die then.”
Vivisian whispered those words, his expression tinged with faint sorrow, as he watched Hesia’s reaction.
Though he asked for blunt honesty, the words about death were still frightening.
Hesia’s face turned pale.
But quieter than expected. It seemed he’d already somewhat anticipated Vivisian’s response.
Vivisian folded his arms, realizing again how much
Hesia had grown into an adult. Before him, Hesia hung his head like a child awaiting punishment.
Vivisian quietly stared at the pale nape of his neck, reddened slightly from the sun, then let out a shallow sigh and unfolded his arms.
Taking the turban he was holding, he wrapped it around Hesia.
“You came to the desert without even wearing a turban? You’ve got some nerve.”
The faint amusement and exasperation in his voice pulled Hesia straight back to the past—a past so distant it felt fragile to even recall.
When Vivisian tried to step back after wrapping the turban, Hesia instinctively grabbed him.
Of course, he couldn’t grip him strongly, so all he managed to clutch was the edge of Vivisian’s long sleeve.
Vivisian didn’t shake off the pale hand barely holding onto him; he simply watched.
Seeing that Vivisian wasn’t rejecting him, Hesia spoke, as if this were his last chance:
“I saved you, Vivi.”
“Yeah. You saved me.”
“So… your life belongs to me too.”
Just as Vivisian was about to say that’s not logical, Hesia, reading his expression like a mind-reader, quickly added:
“I won’t ask you to stay by my side forever. Just… give me this year. No, not even that. I’m not asking. Just… let me stay by your side. I like you. I love you. I’ve loved you for so long… Even if it’s just for a year, that’s enough. Even if you curse me every day, I’ll endure it. Vivi, I just… I just want to see you happy by your side.”
Vivisian looked straight into those blue-grey eyes fixed on him.
The person reflected in Hesia’s eyes was as ordinary as they came.
Sure, his jet-black hair fluttered in the breeze, and maybe his features were a little above average—but there was nothing about him so special it warranted someone sacrificing everything just to make him happy.
Vivisian doubted the absolute nature of Hesia’s affection.
Before hearing Hesia’s story, he thought it was a twisted obsession toward a guardian figure.
But after hearing it all… it felt like something else entirely.
Vivisian tried to make sense of it, but no answer came.
As he watched transparent tears slowly well up in those clear, glass-like eyes, Vivisian smiled faintly, as if there was no helping it.
Then, with a low, gentle voice, like coaxing a child, he asked:
“Sia, why do you like me so much?”
“No matter what I say, you won’t understand. So… just know this. I like you because you’re you, Vivi. You taught me love, showed me kindness, and opened my eyes to a wider world… That’s why I love you.”
Even while sniffling, he stubbornly said everything he wanted, just like before.
Remembering a day from long ago—a day now too distant—Vivisian casually asked:
“Wasn’t it painful? Living through those hard childhood days twice?”
“Not at all. I just… wanted to see you. In my first life, and even in this one, when I knew nothing.”
Even without saying ‘I swear it’s true’, his words were undeniable.
It was in his eyes, staring straight at Vivisian. In his hand, gently holding Vivisian’s sleeve.
In the cautious exhale of his breath.
Every part of him overflowed with sincerity.
Vivisian could tell—Hesia’s love wouldn’t end easily, nor could it be brushed off lightly.
Yet, for both Hesia and himself, Vivisian had to believe otherwise.
That Hesia’s love was the kind that could be satisfied, that could fade away after being returned for just one year.
It was only natural.
Vivisian wanted to die.
Hesia was lovely, but he couldn’t be a reason to live.
Would it have been different if he had his own memories, too?
Recalling the ‘Vivi’ of the past—the one who apparently told him not to be remembered for too long—Vivisian smiled faintly.
“I’ll go with you.”
“…What?”
“I said, ‘I’ll go with you.’”
Repeating it kindly, Hesia’s tears, which he’d held back while recounting hardship, adversity, and memories only he possessed, finally fell, drop by drop.
“Why are you crying?”
“I… I don’t know…”
“Hmm. Are you just crying because you’re happy?”
At the simple words, “Just because I like you,” Hesia blinked slowly without saying anything, then smiled. It was a distant smile, perhaps even a longing one.
“Yeah… I guess so. Maybe I’m crying… just because I like you.”
Vivisian quietly watched him for a moment before reaching out to wipe away the tears flowing down Hesia’s cheek.
The tears would fall again the moment they were wiped away, always tracing the same path.
It could’ve been annoying to keep wiping them away like that, but Vivisian stayed silent, patiently wiping Hesia’s tears away until they finally stopped.
Hesia savored the familiar touch, slowly closing his eyes.
This castle, wide yet suffocating, had been his entire world.
Within that world, he was allowed to do anything, and in that world, Vivisian gave him a love so overwhelming, it felt like the whole world belonged to him.
And after that time ended, he had wandered the vast world, only to return to this cage—a narrow prison built by someone else’s whim—where he spent his days quietly, until death.
‘Yan, don’t you feel suffocated?’
When he had asked that once, Vivisian had only blinked as if contemplating, then shrugged lightly.
‘Not really? There’s a bed where I can sleep comfortably, lots of places to walk around, a garden full of the blue hydrangeas I love… and most importantly, there’s a prince who gives me anything I want. Why would I feel trapped?’
Maybe it was the truth. Or maybe it was just a lie to ease Hesia’s worries.
But seeing that gentle smile—the smile that seemed to say everything was fine—he couldn’t bring himself to question it further.
After that, he tried to grant Vivisian a little more freedom.
Hesia had always been rough around the edges, always a bit flawed.
Vivisian didn’t avoid him for that—instead, he stayed, patiently teaching him everything.
‘Look, see? This is love. This is kindness. You can’t maintain relationships expecting something in return. But your attitude can influence others, so it’s not weakness to be kind or take a step back. It’s all for your sake, really.’
No one else had taught him such things, but Vivisian’s voice had, lightly, like a song, yet leaving deep marks on his heart.
The man smiled.
“Sia, come here. Let’s go home together.”
Not in a dream—but in reality.
* * *
