Judging you as pitiful because you don’t know love chapter 75

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It’s just that “normally,” certain actions are interpreted to mean certain emotions.

But assuming it’s the same this time without proper proof would be jumping to conclusions.

Wouldn’t that just be biased thinking?

So… just because it looks a certain way doesn’t mean it is that way.

For example, when you see a red, apple-shaped object, you might automatically assume it’s a ripe apple based on your experiences.

But is that really true?

Maybe it just looks red because of the sunset, and it’s actually a green apple.

Or maybe it’s just a model shaped like an apple.

Jumping to conclusions like that leads to so many errors.

So, even if the situation seems suspicious, I should think it through more carefully before deciding.

There could be something hidden, like a sunset turning a green apple red.

‘But I have no idea what that “something” is.’

As shameless as I am, even I can’t bring myself to ask Zerbin directly.

What would I even say?

That his actions…

Damn it.

That his actions make me think he might feel… that way about me?

And if I’m wrong, could he please explain?

I’d rather die than say something like that.

Even if it turned out to be a misunderstanding, the sheer humiliation of assuming such a thing would make me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

“Hey.”

But I didn’t have much time to dwell on it.

Zerbin’s sharp voice pulled me back to the present.

Screw it—time to throw a tantrum!

“Don’t go!”

“Why?”

So cold!

I mean, fair, but still.

“If you leave me here alone, I’m terrified I’ll never see you again. I’m so anxious and unsettled I can’t even think straight!”

I pleaded, pouring out my feelings.

There was no logical way to approach this, so I resorted to being honest.

And, to be fair, it was all true.

“It’s unfair to put me in a situation where I can’t even think properly and then ask me to figure it out!”

“….”

Zerbin looked at me with a mix of disbelief and exasperation.

He opened his mouth to say something but then froze mid-thought, staring at me.

His slightly parted lips and dazed expression… were oddly cute.

Lips…

For some reason, last night came to mind, and I quickly averted my gaze.

If that guard hadn’t interrupted us, I probably would have kissed Zerbin right then.

It was a moment where the atmosphere had completely taken over—too much, even for me.

Sure, I’m the type to act on impulse, but Zerbin isn’t.

If our lips had touched, I probably would’ve been thrown halfway across the world.

That guard?

My lifesaver.

I should slip him a few gold coins as thanks.

Anyway, since Zerbin hadn’t told me to shut up yet, this was my chance.

“So if you want me to think properly, stay with me.”

“…You’re being selfish.”

Zerbin’s tone was sharp, though his reply came after a slight pause.

It was the scolding I expected.

I knew it.

Why would Zerbin, angry as he was, go out of his way to stay with me?

I hadn’t even hoped for that much.

What I really wanted to say was this:

“If that’s too much, can’t you at least… explain things a little so I can think more clearly?”

This! Why can’t he just tell me why he’s angry instead of storming off?

“When you’re mad… if you tell me why, I can figure out what upset you and try to fix it. Why won’t you say anything?”

“Do you really not know…?”

“I don’t.”

No!

If I let him finish, my chance is gone.

For the first time, I interrupted him—blasphemous as it felt.

“If you don’t explain, I won’t know. You’re the only one who fully understands your feelings.”

“….”

I braced myself for his anger, but instead, Zerbin stayed silent.

That didn’t make it any less terrifying; the silence was suffocating.

My chest tightened as I waited for his response.

“I know you don’t like talking much… but you said we’ve grown closer, right?”

I couldn’t hold back my nervousness and spoke again.

“So please, tell me something. I want to hear everything you have to say.”

The silence dragged on, but it wasn’t complete inaction.

Zerbin’s lips moved slightly, his gaze shifting between me and the ground.

It wasn’t just irritation—it looked like he was thinking about something.

I could only hope for a positive outcome.

“I….”

“Yes, Zerbin?”

“I…”

Zerbin’s cheeks flushed faintly.

Was it out of anger?

Judging by how he bit his lip, it probably was… right?

I felt uneasy.

My hands trembled as I clenched the soft grass beneath me, feeling the blades crush in my grip.

“…I don’t want to say it.”

What?

Seriously?

After all this?

I had been so tense, and this was the result?

Zerbin shot me a sharp glare as I reflexively shrank back.

I really thought something might happen this time!

“Why don’t you want to say it?”

“Even if I said it…”

“Hm?”

His voice was barely audible.

It was shocking to see someone as bold as Zerbin speaking so hesitantly.

Maybe he truly was uncomfortable with deep, honest conversations.

Since he didn’t seem inclined to speak louder, I inched closer.

If he could hold me so tightly yesterday, he wouldn’t mind this level of proximity, right?

Our gazes drew closer—close enough to make my heart flutter.

Was I thrilled because he allowed me to get this near?

At this distance, I should be able to hear him clearly.

“Go on. I’m listening.”

Unexpectedly, Zerbin’s cheeks flushed an even deeper red.

He abruptly shoved me in the chest, and before I could process the sharp pain that pierced through me, I was already sprawled on the grass.

“Ugh, what the—”

It hurts…

“Isn’t it your fault for needing this spelled out for you in the first place?”

Zerbin snapped, his voice rising in anger. What was that all about?

This time, I was sure I hadn’t done anything wrong.

At least, that’s what I thought.

The only silver lining was that I could move my arms and legs—no broken bones, thank God.

So he did hold back… just enough to make a point.

“…”

Zerbin stood abruptly, as if he was about to leave.

I wanted to stop him, to tell him not to go, but my body was too shocked to produce any sound.

Panicking, I grabbed his arm.

And then I froze.

What if he tossed me aside again?

Instinctively, I shut my eyes, bracing for the pain.

Instead, Zerbin quietly sat back down.

Ah.

Did he just… choose not to leave?

Was this his way of staying without saying anything?

Unbelievable.

Even that small act felt like a victory.

My chest still throbbed from where he’d pushed me, but I smiled, feeling oddly pleased.

The moment Zerbin saw my grin, he sighed heavily.

Wasn’t that a bit much?

What’s with looking at someone smiling like they’re the most pathetic thing in the world?

“It’s not your fault you’re an idiot…”

His words were harsher than necessary.

But strangely, they didn’t ruin my mood.

Because beneath the insult, it sounded like he was pitying me—like he was letting go of his anger because he found me too hopeless to stay mad at.

“Let’s get moving,” he muttered.

“Okay!”

I still didn’t understand why Zerbin was so reluctant to speak, but it didn’t matter. I’d been forgiven, and that was enough.

Maybe I’d figure him out as we traveled together.

That would be good enough for now.

With that hopeful thought, we resumed our journey.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as I’d imagined.

Just as I was hoping for a pleasant, companionable chat, he threw out the same question again:

“Have you thought about it?”

It seemed I’d only been forgiven to the extent of being allowed to travel with him.

Until I figured out why he was mad and apologized properly, he had no intention of engaging in a normal conversation.

“Ugh.”

I didn’t want to think about it.

The mere thought gave me a headache.

And when I did try to think, the first things that came to mind were all absurd assumptions.

If Zerbin truly believes it’s not my fault for being this dense, he could just tell me clearly what the issue is.

Could it be that Zerbin…

Zerbin, what?

Me?

Could he have feelings for someone like me?

Someone like me?

Someone so shallow and unremarkable?

That couldn’t be it.

Sure, he treated me differently than others—closer, even.

We’d shared a bed a few times.

And yes, Zerbin, who hated physical contact, had even… done that with me.

But there were always practical reasons for those things.

Sharing a bed?

That was to help me deal with nightmares and save on inn expenses.

The sex?

That was out of curiosity.

Jumping to conclusions based on that would just be overthinking it… right?

But still. What did he mean by “Don’t confuse me”?

Words like that usually imply…

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