* * *
“Your name?”
Raizen reflexively repeated the question.
He hadn’t considered that kind of approach. He had deliberately ignored the fact that once Sean came of age, he would leave the confines of Pantheon.
“I….”
His thoughts circled back to the same place, unable to move forward.
Raizen reached the same conclusion.
Did he really need to define it?
What meaning would that even hold?
The only thing that mattered was that Sean remained by his side.
Raizen suddenly looked at his mother.
The moment his emerald eyes met hers, he instinctively lowered his gaze.
He didn’t need words to understand—she already knew exactly what he was thinking.
Raizen was aware that something was wrong with him.
Even though he told himself it was enough for Sean to simply stay by his side, he always wanted more.
It wasn’t just about having him near—he wanted Sean’s gaze to always be on him, for his smiles to always be meant for him.
‘Because we are the only ones who have each other.’
He wanted Sean to remain within that fence, forever.
That insidious curse had only fed on his dirty possessiveness.
Yet, considering any other possibility… Raizen hesitated.
Could he even dare to call this desire love?
‘Is this inability to break free from such thoughts also part of the curse’s influence?’
Even as he thought that, Raizen found himself unable to speak.
Anything regarding Sean was always like that.
Perhaps he simply didn’t want to say it, or maybe it felt like an invisible hand was gripping his throat, keeping the words trapped inside.
“Raizen.”
His mother’s voice brushed past his ears.
When he lifted his gaze again, she was looking at him with an expressionless face—something rare for her.
“Then, would it be fine if someone else was by your side, instead of Sean? And if someone else stood beside Sean, instead of you?”
“What?”
“It’s time we start discussing your engagement.”
“Engagement? That’s… too soon….”
Raizen trayled off.
It wasn’t too soon, nor was it sudden.
It had always been an unspoken rule that the heir of the Pantheon Ducal House would be engaged around the time they reached adulthood.
Normally, potential partners were sought from childhood, and once the heir was officially acknowledged as the successor, the engagement ceremony would follow shortly after.
“If you have no one in mind, as always, we will select the most suitable young ladies from noble families that align with the Pantheon household—ones who can be our firm allies. Once you return from the academy, you’ll begin attending marriage meetings right away.”
“Mother…!”
For the first time, Raizen raised his voice in front of her.
Yet, his mother didn’t so much as blink.
Instead, she simply crossed her arms and met his gaze unwaveringly.
“Don’t say it’s not the right time. No matter what happens, we must do what needs to be done. The most important thing is to live as if nothing has changed. People are already saying your engagement is overdue. Up until now, your academy attendance was an excuse, but that won’t work anymore.”
Her words were nothing but the plain truth.
Not a single part of it was exaggerated or incorrect.
Faced with such undeniable facts, Raizen opened his mouth but could not form a reply.
“Raizen.”
“…….”
“I believe everyone has at least one thing they stubbornly cling to, no matter how irrational. At least, those around me always did. But… you already know, don’t you? The time when it was just you and Sean living together in the ducal estate—that time cannot last forever.”
He knew. He knew it all too well.
But… was it truly impossible?
If he put his mind to it, he could build a castle just for Sean.
He was going to have the power to do so, and he already had more than enough wealth.
‘Saying it can’t be done… isn’t that just an excuse?’
It wasn’t that it was impossible—it was just that society dictated it shouldn’t be done.
If that was the case, he simply had to find a way to do it without breaking the rules…
At that moment, someone grabbed Raizen’s hand tightly.
“Hyung!”
The voice pulled him back from his increasingly extreme thoughts.
A familiar warmth spread from his shoulder, clearing the darkness clouding his vision.
Raizen cautiously lowered his gaze.
Sean stood before him, panting slightly, as if he had run over in a hurry.
Yet, he refused to let go of Raizen’s hand.
“Sean.”
Instead of responding, Sean carefully examined his face.
His eyes darted around, filled with subtle tremors.
It wasn’t just his gaze—his entire body was trembling slightly, even the hand gripping Raizen’s.
Rather than ask if he was okay, Raizen unconsciously reached out.
He wanted to embrace Sean’s trembling shoulders, to soothe him with gentle pats.
But the moment his hand touched Sean’s shoulder, his entire body flinched violently.
“…….”
Sean looked as though he was barely holding something back.
It had been a while since Raizen had seen such an expression, but it wasn’t unfamiliar.
Fear.
Sean was desperately trying to suppress his fear.
‘Why all of a sudden?’
Raizen narrowed his eyes.
It was strange enough that Sean, who had been asleep in the carriage, had suddenly run to him.
But even stranger was his current state.
Because that expression… was the same one Sean had when they first met.
“Ha… It’s not because I’m afraid of you, Hyung.”
“Then what is it?”
Raizen asked without hesitation.
Sean averted his gaze slightly.
“I just had a nightmare. That’s all. Are… are you okay?”
After his brief answer, he quickly changed the subject.
Raizen considered gripping Sean’s hand more firmly but held back.
Instead, he simply smiled faintly.
“I’m fine. You must have been startled. Go back to the carriage.”
Sean obediently nodded but continued to carefully observe Raizen’s condition.
Feeling his gaze, Raizen silently watched as Sean walked away and climbed into the carriage.
Then, he spoke.
“Mother.”
“…….”
“What should I do?”
His mother’s emerald eyes studied him.
The rigid determination from earlier had vanished, replaced by something sorrowful.
“Watch over Sean.”
“…….”
“If you truly don’t know what you want, then… figure out what Sean wants, and give that to him.”
Raizen silently nodded.
Seeing this, his mother murmured under her breath, as if sighing.
“But… time won’t be on your side for long.”
It was a reminder that once he graduated from the academy, the engagement matter would no longer be avoidable.
∗ ∗ ∗
[So what we wanted to say first and foremost is… we love you. No matter what form you take, no matter what feelings you carry, we love you for who you are. Never forget that.]
I had always thought love was something he was never meant to have.
[I’ve done so much for you, and you can’t even do this much for me?!]
[This little brat, acting like he’s all grown up—treating his own father like nothing!]
[Are you sure he’s really our hyung? He doesn’t seem like it at all….]
I had no siblings, and my parents doubted and despised me.
Some people would say, “They’re still your parents, of course they love their child. They just have a bad way of showing it.” But no.
There are parents in this world who do not see their child as their child—and so, they do not love them. Just like my parents in Korea.
Growing up in such an environment, it was only natural that I became lost in delusions.
What if my real parents were out there somewhere?
What if, one day, they suddenly appeared, telling me they were sorry, that they had been searching for me all this time, and then pulled me into a warm embrace?
There was a time when I believed that so seriously that I would stare at any unfamiliar person who approached our house, just in case.
As I got older and was introduced to the fictional worlds of novels, my delusions took a different turn.
What if I was never meant to be born in this world?
What if I actually belonged somewhere else?
In another world—just like the protagonists in so many stories.
Looking back now, I think I just wanted to deny my own existence.
The existence of someone like me, who was unloved by anyone, anywhere.
[Sei, we know that your soul is no longer here. It’s still hard to believe… but the gods have told us that your soul has taken root in another world. However, they also said you will return someday. Though, when that time comes, we will no longer be by your side.]
But that delusion was real.
That place in Korea truly was never meant to be mine.
And it wasn’t some damned ancient god who told me that—it was my real parents, ordinary humans, who revealed the truth to me.
[I love you.
Every single night I longed for your birth, every moment I have spent with you, and every moment you will live from now on—I love them all. Not once have I ever not loved you.]
I read the letter over and over.
It was barely any time at all before it became crumpled and stained with my touch.
“My real… parents.”
People who had never even known me, yet still told me they loved me.
[My dear, what do you look like now? Somehow, we feel that you must be confused and anxious. Do you remember everything about the life you lived in another world? If so, then all the more reason you must be.]
People who worried for me, even though they would never see me in their lifetime.
“…I want to see them.”
Tears burst forth again.
I quickly tilted my head back to keep them from falling onto the letter.
As I wiped away the tears that blurred my vision, I felt something climb onto my head.
“…Hey.”
It didn’t even acknowledge me calling it, just shook its body back and forth, demanding divine power.
“…I’m crying right now, you little punk.”
And yet, the Divine beast’s egg still had the audacity to act this way.
* * *
