* * *
[Sei, that’ll hurt…]
His own voice echoed in his ears.
It was undeniably his, yet it felt foreign, as though it belonged to someone else.
Had he really just said that?
It hadn’t been a lie.
[Sincere…]
Raizen repeated the word silently.
It still felt unfamiliar.
He understood it in theory, but there was nothing in his heart that resonated with it.
It was like staring at an empty glass box—nothing visible inside, and no way to reach out and feel anything, blocked by an invisible barrier.
Something distant. Something long forgotten.
There had been a time when he understood sincerity, when he felt it with every fiber of his being.
But he could no longer remember it clearly.
Maybe, back then, the pain had been too much.
Maybe he had wished he had no heart at all.
At that moment—
[Then, make it so no one can have him. You already know how.]
Had someone pushed him forward?
“What?”
Sean’s soft voice pulled him back to reality.
The eerie sensation, the lingering memories—gone in an instant.
Something else now commanded his full attention.
Sean’s face filled his vision.
His eyes, round with surprise, were brimming with tears, the skin around them and the tip of his nose flushed red.
Sunlight poured in through the window, casting a glow over him.
At that moment, Raizen felt like someone who had just stumbled upon a masterpiece, a painting that struck him strayght through the heart.
He couldn’t look away.
His blue eyes shimmered like a galaxy.
The sunlight illuminated every inch of his pale skin, refusing to conceal even the smallest detail.
He looked fragile. Breathtakingly beautiful. And—
[Love…]
The word barely formed before it was lost, dissolving into nothing.
It wasn’t by his own will.
It was the curse that bound him.
A force so subtle he didn’t even notice its influence.
“Hyung, what did you just…”
Sean’s voice pulled him back again.
Raizen blinked slowly.
The momentary darkness that clouded his vision lifted, bringing Sean’s teary eyes into sharp focus once more.
Without thinking, he reached out and wiped away a tear.
His touch was delicate, though he wasn’t aware of it himself.
Instead, he felt the warmth of Sean’s skin against his palm.
The dampness of his tears lingered on his fingers.
A strange, suffocating weight settled in his chest.
“I wish you wouldn’t cry.”
It wasn’t the first time he had seen Sean in tears.
He had cried when Raizen sent a rabbit messenger to wish him a happy birthday.
When asked why he was crying when he was supposed to be happy, Sean had said—
“Sometimes, people cry because they’re too happy.”
Back then, Raizen hadn’t understood. But now, he thought he did.
The difference between crying from sadness and crying from happiness.
The latter made him feel unbearably suffocated.
It emptied his mind, left him paralyzed, unable to do anything but watch like a fool.
Sean sniffled softly and cast Raizen a sidelong glance before lowering his gaze.
Then, hesitantly, he reached out and pulled Raizen’s hand away.
It wasn’t a rejection.
“I… want to read the letter.”
“Alright.”
Raizen handed it to him.
Sean hesitated before taking it, then sniffled again as he unfolded the paper.
His eyes trayled the words, pausing here and there, welling with fresh tears before moving on.
“Hah…”
A quiet sigh slipped from his lips when he finished.
He lowered his head, burying his face in his arms.
His shoulders began to shake with muffled sobs.
“…”
What should I do?
Raizen didn’t want him to cry.
But he didn’t want to stop him, either.
For some reason, he felt that he shouldn’t.
A deep-seated instinct told him that if he did, he would lose the one thing he truly wanted.
[What is it that I really want?]
He already harbored desire for Sean.
He wanted him—everything that made up Sean.
Even his breaths, his very existence, he wanted them to belong solely to him.
He wanted Sean to see only him. He couldn’t let him go anywhere else.
Sometimes, the urge to consume him completely, to devour every part of him, was overwhelming.
That would surely be enjoyable.
Binding Sean so he couldn’t go anywhere and making him submit to my will.
Controlling even his breathing.
Having Sean look only at him, cling to him and no one else…
The mere thought of it sent a shiver of pleasure through Raizen.
But then what?
‘What would happen after I took Sean as I pleased?’
Raizen didn’t know the answer to most things, but one thing was certain—those blue eyes would never hold only him.
And once Raizen reached that conclusion, it was always the same.
‘This isn’t what I want.’
Then… what is it that he truly desire?
Lost in a question he still couldn’t answer, Raizen looked at Sean again.
His trembling shoulders.
The silent, suppressed sobs that couldn’t quite break free.
“…….”
Raizen wish he wouldn’t hold back.
If he was sad, he wanted him to let it all out in tears, to release the sorrow pooling inside him.
That was the one thing Raizen knew for sure he wanted right now.
“Sei.”
Raizen reached out.
He placed a hesitant hand on Sean’s trembling shoulder and patted it awkwardly.
It was a clumsy, unfamiliar action, as if he were doing it for the first time in his life.
But this was what Sean had done for him during the manifestation ceremony.
It had been a rough but gentle form of comfort.
‘That day, at that moment—if you hadn’t been by my side, what would have happened to me?’
‘Just as your touch calmed me then, I hope it does the same for you now.’
That was Raizen’s wish.
“…Hic.”
At the hesitant pats on his shoulder, Sean began to crumble.
The quiet sobs grew louder, turning into full-on crying.
“Hic, huuh… What… do you expect me to do, seriously, hngh…!”
Raizen continued his clumsy attempts at comfort, never stopping, not even for a moment, until Sean finally cried himself out.
∗ ∗ ∗
[To Our Beloved Baby,
Little one, when will you be able to read this letter? It might take a very long time. But we have no doubt that someday, it will reach you.
How should we even begin to explain? To be honest, we didn’t fully understand it ourselves. But then again, isn’t that always the way of the world? We live our lives without fully understanding ourselves—how could the laws of the world be any different? (Sorry, your father tends to overthink everything and be unnecessarily serious. / Dear!)
Hmm, ignore what I just said.
What we really want to say first is… we love you. No matter who you are or how you choose to live, we love you just as you are. Never forget that.
Sei, we know your soul is no longer here. We still can’t believe it, but… the gods said your soul has taken root in another world. That you will return one day. But by then, we won’t be here anymore.
After having the same dream as your mother, we came to realize one thing—our time has repeated itself many times. But this is the first time we’ve ever heard the gods’ voice. Does that mean something is different this time?
The gods apologized and told us to leave a letter for you. They swore they would ‘absolutely’ deliver it to you. (Absolutely? Doesn’t that sound a bit odd?)
There are so many things we want to tell you… but in the end, everything comes back to a single truth.
We love you.
Every night we spent longing for your birth. Every moment we’ve spent with you now. And every second you will live from here on. There has never been a single moment we did not love you.
If we have one wish, it’s that even if you have no memory of us, you will carry with you the time we spent together. And that even in a world without us, you will find happiness.
Baby, what do you look like now? We have a feeling you must be feeling lost and anxious. Do you remember everything from your life in the other world? If so, then all the more reason. The gods aren’t exactly kind—just as they didn’t tell us much, they probably didn’t tell you much either. (Not that we’re complaining or anything. / That sounds awfully defensive, Alan.)
Even so, Sei, don’t worry. You will be happy in the end. Even if you don’t believe it, we believe it with all our hearts. So trust us and keep moving forward. Rest when you need to, but in the end, find the ending you desire.
(You deserve it!!)
We love you, Sei. We’re sorry we can’t stay by your side until the very end. If you want to blame us, do it after your long, long life is over. Stay healthy and happy for a very, very long time. If you come too soon, your mother might scold you!
We love you. Our baby.
With all our love,
Your Mom and Dad]
* * *
The letter that was sent was heartwarming 💕
😭😭😭😭 that letter 😭