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Episode 147

During the days when I aimlessly wandered through the gates after losing Yang Heewoon, clutching onto the faintest shred of hope, I was dragged to a barbecue restaurant under the pretense of “at least having a proper meal.”

That day, as the drinks flowed, Rex Hamilton spoke with a bittersweet smile.

“You know, I once told you that none of us ever saw you as an equal, right? Maybe you thought we were looking down on you… but if anything, it was the opposite.”

“We were always jealous of you. It was painfully obvious how much Heewoon cared for you. Especially during the guiding sessions—it was clear just how much he liked you… loved you.”

“That’s why we felt so desperate. We thought we had to act before you came of age. If we didn’t hold onto him then, we feared losing him forever.”

Back then, I brushed off those words as nonsense.

Yang Heewoon only liked me as a guardian, a father figure.

Rex’s remarks were quickly dismissed as baseless since Heewoon had already passed away.

There was no responsibility left to bear.

But after the party, when we were heading back, Rex assumed—without a doubt—that he’d be the one to embrace Heewoon that night.

When I vehemently objected, he said something that left me at a loss.

“You’re oblivious when it comes to the obvious, aren’t you? Look at Elliot’s eyes when he looks at Hyesoo. Does that look like what you and Heewoon have? From where I stand, he’s already taken a step back because of you. And you? You’ve practically bolted. I get it, though. Seeing you after all this time, you’re even cuter now. Hah…”

After throwing punches in the middle of the night, unable to process the absurdity of it all, I finally blurted out the thoughts I had buried deep inside.

“If… if Heewoon truly did love me, would I even deserve to be his partner?”

Rex laughed at that, shaking his head at the absurdity of my insecurity.

“Ye Eunsoo, it’s not up to you to decide whether you’re worthy. That’s Heewoon’s call.”

“Think about it. How could we still be here? We’re the ones who nearly caused his death. But that guy—so naive, so kind—he still cares for us. If you let guilt push you away, it’s only Heewoon who will suffer. If you need to atone, do it by staying by his side.”

“Just don’t get complacent because he forgave you once. Don’t repeat your mistakes. Even if you’re forgiven, you should still feel regret, still feel sorry. And make it up to him.”

“And if you don’t, know this: I’ll step in. Hurt him to the point of tears, and I’ll kill you myself.”

In the end, Rex was right. From start to finish.

Even now, I don’t fully understand Yang Heewoon.

Even though I’ve been closer to him than anyone else.

Even though I proudly claim to love him most of all.

“I know I’m lacking…”

That day, it was Ye Eunsoo who caused Yang Heewoon’s death at the gate.

Because of that, he told himself he had no right to seek Heewoon’s love, that he should let go and push him away.

But the mere thought of Heewoon leaving him for someone else—a partner, a lover—felt like dying inside.

Eunsoo couldn’t imagine breathing unless he was somehow a part of Heewoon’s life.

He thought he could endure

Heewoon finding a lover, even getting married.

But the idea of a bond, one that could only be broken by death, was unbearable.

That’s why he did something as audacious as handing over a condom.

And yet, that boldness turned into a blessing in disguise.

When Heewoon’s tongue brushed against the back of his hand, Eunsoo found himself clinging to the hope he had let go of.

And now, here he was, holding Heewoon in his arms.

“I’m happy.”

He loves Yang Heewoon. He adores him.

This love is unlike anything ordinary.

Eunsoo doesn’t expect Heewoon to return his feelings in kind.

He chose me over anyone else.

That alone is enough.

Even if I had the entire world, it wouldn’t make me happier than I am now.

“I want to bond with you…”

He knew he shouldn’t. Not yet. But he couldn’t stop himself from wanting it.

Even just the first stage of a mucosal guide seemed like it might… work.

But nothing appeared on Heewoon’s collarbone.

It was too dark to see clearly, but if they had bonded, he would’ve felt it, the unmistakable sense of becoming one.

As he clicked his tongue in disappointment, he noticed something strange.

The sun should’ve risen by now.

Why was it still so dark?

Peering out the window, he saw a sky painted in deep purple.

It had begun.

By now, the Bureau and the Special A-Team Espers would be on high alert.

Contacting Polwel could wait.

“On a day like this…”

Eunsoo frowned, glaring at the darkened sky.

Carefully, he released his arms around Heewoon and went around the house, pulling every curtain closed.

He made sure not a single sliver of light could reveal the inside.

If Heewoon found out he’d hidden this, he’d be furious.

But even if it was just for a little while, Eunsoo wanted Heewoon to enjoy peace.

The Espers had given way for his sake, after all.

Returning to the room, he found it shrouded in darkness, like midnight.

Yet Heewoon’s face stood out clearly—a serene expression, utterly unaware of anything.

“I finally understand. Even if you love me… you’d willingly sacrifice yourself for someone else. That’s why I…”

The image of Heewoon running headlong into danger for another left a crushing weight on Eunsoo’s chest.

At twenty, he might have tried to stop Heewoon, to bind him.

But now, he understood better.

Simply keeping him close wasn’t the answer.

He swallowed the rest of his words, forcing a smile as he said softly, “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything you hate anymore.”

His whispered vow carried only the weight of a promise to himself.

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I’ll admit it. I was blinded.

Eunsoo was anything but pure.

At least not now.

“Con… confinement?”

While I may have only recently come to terms with my feelings, Eunsoo had loved me for a long time.

He’d searched for me for just as long.

I figured he’d have a lot he wanted to do with me if we ever became lovers, so I brought it up.

But the response was unexpected.

“Yes! I want to confine you!”

I thought I misheard him.

But no, he doubled down, confident and unwavering.

For a moment, the back of my neck stiffened as I struggled to process his words.

“How… how would you even confine me?”

I assumed it’d be as simple as locking the door.

But before I could finish my question, he laid out collars, ropes, and leather straps to connect to the bed—right in front of me.

Why does Eunsoo even have things like this?

No wonder he locked his room tight when Hyesoo explored our house.

“Everything about Eunsoo’s feelings, big or small, has been tied to me… Could these things be related too?”

The realization was enough to make me dizzy.

Even if I had abandoned him and gone far away, it’s not normal to develop a hobby like this…

“I bought them because I thought it’d be nice if you used them. But I never intended to actually use them. I just collected things that looked pretty.”

For someone with no intention of using them, he seemed way too prepared, carefully checking whether the items would fit my neck, leave marks, or feel uncomfortable.

How did my sweet, innocent Eunsoo become like this…

“Don’t look at me like that. Even if I say it’s confinement, I’d still leave the keys somewhere you can easily reach.”

“Then it’s not really confinement, is it…?”

“I never actually intended to lock you up. I just…”

Eunsoo, who had been fiddling with a choker from the items spread out before him, lowered his gaze and smiled softly.

“If you’re wearing something like this, maybe when you suddenly feel like leaving home or me, you’ll think of me at least one more time.”

I was at a loss for words. I had a feeling I understood why Eunsoo had bought something like this, and it left my chest heavy to the point of aching.

“Fine. I’ll do it. Whatever you want, just do it.”

“Thank you.”

Eunsoo’s bright smile eased my heart as well.

I had resolved to accept whatever Eunsoo did to me, even if only for a few days.

Surprisingly, all he did was fasten a simple black leather choker with a small jewel around my neck.

Aside from the condition that I wouldn’t leave the house while wearing it, it was just an ordinary item.

“Is this really enough? You can use something that makes you feel more secure.”

“You always keep your promises. And if I started with something too intense, it’d only be hard on you. Isn’t even this much a lot to get used to right now?”

“Well… yeah, but…”

The thought of being physically restrained did scare me a little.

It’s not something I’ve ever experienced—it’s too much for someone like me who’s unfamiliar with such things.

Besides, the only accessory I’ve ever worn was the ring Eunsoo had slipped onto my finger.

A choker, snugly fitting around my neck, felt alien and strangely intrusive.

“Your neck is pale and slender; it suits you well.”

Eunsoo’s touch on my neck was gentle and warm.

It was so pleasant that my eyelids trembled… and I wanted to be touched more.

I also wanted to touch him more.

My gaze involuntarily shifted to Eunsoo’s lips.

Whether he noticed or not, Eunsoo’s hand moved up to my cheek, and our eyes met.

“Can I?”

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