* * *
At those words, Eunsoo straightened his upper body, which had been leaning on me, and fell silent.
Watching his slumped shoulders, my chest felt heavy.
‘I like you, Eunsoo.’
The same advice can yield different results depending on the person receiving it.
Eunsoo, in his own way, had accepted Elliot’s counsel correctly, and it had shaped who he was now.
There was no need for him to undervalue himself to such an extent.
‘That’s why I like you.’
Of course, Elliot wasn’t wrong.
I was content with how things ended back then, and I’d been tormented knowing that Eunsoo had sacrificed his life to find me.
But ultimately, it was because of Eunsoo’s stubbornness—his refusal to accept my death, his refusal to give up hope—that I was pulled back from the abyss of death.
Thanks to him, I’m here now, able to be with him, preparing for a party tomorrow with the Espers.
I even found love, something I thought I’d never experience in my lifetime.
‘…Ah, this is bad. Once I acknowledge it, my feelings grow like a snowball.’
I clenched the towel in my hand tightly.
I wanted to comfort Eunsoo, to hold him in my arms, but now that I knew he had become an Esper, even touching him scared me.
If, even for a moment, Eunsoo tried to look into me, the emotions filling my chest to the point of bursting would surely pour into him.
‘I don’t even know what to say to encourage him…’
If I tried to say anything to cheer him up, I’d likely end up confessing unintentionally.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak.
The plan to confess my feelings and, if rejected, quickly sort them out was reckless bravado.
Now that I had acknowledged the size of my emotions, I realized they weren’t something I could simply tidy up.
The thought of being rejected by Eunsoo terrifies me.
Even if I deserve it, the thought of Eunsoo being hurt because of me is unbearable.
If he forced himself to accept my feelings out of concern for me, that would be disastrous.
Not today.
Not with everything else that happened today—I can’t add another mess to it.
“Hyung, can I sleep with you tonight?”
“…What?”
“We used to sleep together all the time. Do you dislike it now because I’ve grown too much?”
“No, uh, it’s not that I dislike it…”
How could I dislike sleeping with someone I like?
I was just worried.
Worried that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, that I’d accidentally reveal my feelings for him.
As I hesitated with a conflicted expression, Eunsoo looked sullen again.
His brows drooped, and he gave me a pleading look, like a puppy begging for a treat.
“Just for tonight, Hyung.”
“…”
“Just for one night. It’s your first night back home.”
‘First night.’
It was an ordinary phrase, but why did it sound so suggestive?
“The bed’s big, so I’ll stay far away. I won’t bother you. Okay?”
It was torturous.
Despite his broad frame, Eunsoo managed to look impossibly adorable.
He clearly knew how handsome he was and how to use his face to maximum effect. It was lethal to my heart.
“F-Fine. Just for tonight…”
Fearing I’d die from more of his aegyo attacks, and thinking that I’d probably fall asleep from sheer exhaustion anyway, I agreed—but it was a grave mistake.
As soon as I lay down in the same bed as Eunsoo, I regretted it.
‘Ah. There’s no way I’m sleeping tonight.’
I was hyper-aware of him.
The bed was spacious, and Eunsoo was lying far away.
We even had separate blankets, and he had his back turned to me.
Yet, the mere fact that we were sharing a bed was enough to set my nerves on edge.
We’d shared a bed countless times during the six months we lived together.
After Eunsoo started school, there were more nights we shared a bed than nights we didn’t.
Even last night, we slept together.
Nothing had changed from yesterday to today—so why was I like this?
“Can’t sleep?”
Hearing Eunsoo’s voice while I was tossing and turning made my heart sink.
At some point, he had turned to face me.
Though the room was dark, his blue eyes shone vividly in my vision.
“Should I leave and come back once you’re asleep?”
“No! There’s no need for that…”
“Then, I guess it’s true—you can’t sleep because being with me makes you uncomfortable.”
“…”
“Honestly, I feel the same. Being with you makes me nervous, so I can’t sleep.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
I couldn’t help but smile faintly.
If Eunsoo, who claimed he had let go of his feelings, was in the same state as me, then maybe it wasn’t just my impure thoughts keeping me awake.
Maybe it was just awkwardness.
It’ll get better with time, right?
No need to rush my feelings.
“Hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“Should we do what we used to do?”
“What do you mean by that…?”
“Like this.”
Eunsoo’s arm reached out, and before I could react, he pulled me into his embrace.
His lips brushed against my forehead.
My field of vision was suddenly filled with the sight of his Adam’s apple and the clavicle peeking out from beneath his shirt…
“You used to hold me like this.”
“W-Wait, Eunsoo. Could you… let go?”
This felt so wrong.
My heart was racing uncontrollably.
Eunsoo seemed calm, but I was the only one flustered.
Surely, this was because of the feelings I was harboring.
Even though the position was the same, the sensation was entirely different from yesterday when he had been wearing a thick three-piece suit.
Now, his thin, form-fitting pajamas revealed his warm, slightly damp skin.
My head was spinning.
“Ah, this feels so nice…”
Eunsoo, with his sharp hearing, seemed not to catch my muttered words.
His hand stroked my hair as he murmured softly.
Each word was dripping with sweet affection, and my hands, which had been pushing him away, froze in place.
Suddenly, I came to my senses.
‘That’s right. Tonight’s my first night back.’
Five years.
He searched for me for so long and finally found me.
Worse, I had left while he was sleeping.
No wonder he wanted to hold me tightly so I couldn’t disappear again.
Feeling a surge of tenderness, I wanted to praise Eunsoo for enduring those long years.
I wanted to kiss his forehead.
But I hesitated.
He looked so peaceful right now. Pushing him away felt wrong.
After some deliberation, I thought it’d be okay and pressed my lips to the nape of his neck.
“Uh.”
Eunsoo immediately pushed me away, startling me.
I looked up at him in surprise.
Eunsoo stared back at me, equally wide-eyed.
“…W-What are you doing? What does that mean?”
“I was just giving you a kiss.”
“Ah…”
Eunsoo let out a sigh and parted his lips.
After a moment of understanding, he nodded as if he had come to terms with something.
“Of course. That’s just the kind of person you are… I should’ve been prepared for this, but I let my guard down.”
‘That kind of person’?
The words stung.
Was I imagining the negative connotation?
What kind of preparation was he talking about?
Had I done something wrong?
Feeling unfairly accused, I tried to recall if I’d ever crossed a line, but nothing came to mind.
A kiss on the neck should be fine—Eunsoo had kissed my neck before too!
It was unfair.
“Get some sleep. I’ll just step out to the bathroom for a moment.”
With his back to me, Eunsoo left the room without looking back. He seemed in a rush.
At first, I thought nothing of it and tried to fall asleep.
But a creeping sense of unease started to grow.
‘What if he got injured earlier and didn’t realize it?’
He only had a bruise on the surface, but what if it turned out to be something more serious, like a broken bone?
Before I knew it, I was on my feet, heading to the bathroom door to knock.
“Eunsoo, you’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”
“Oh, uh! I-I’m fine! Really, I’m totally fine, so just head back to your room! You should get some rest first!”
If he’s fine, why is he so flustered?
Suspicious… but, since Eunsoo is already an adult, prying any further would seem overbearing.
Besides, he’s unusually strong, so he’ll probably be okay.
I returned to my room and lay down.
I’d felt uncomfortable when I was with Eunsoo, but now that I was alone, I found myself missing him.
After some hesitation, I tugged his blanket closer to me.
When I pressed my nose to it, his scent lingered.
His looks and physique had grown so much that he was unrecognizable, but his scent hadn’t changed.
Eunsoo, now a full-fledged adult and man, made sharing a bed a bit awkward, but the Eunsoo from before?
That was okay.
My cute little Eunsoo…
The fatigue I’d pushed aside out of tension washed over me like a tidal wave.
Hugging Eunsoo’s blanket tightly and burying my face in it, I drifted off to sleep.
Something definitely happened in the bathroom last night.
“Eunsoo, are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”
“…”
He’s lying.
He didn’t look fine at all.
He must’ve been up all night.
Usually, Eunsoo is up earlier than me, starting his day like clockwork.
Today, though he was up before me, his face was haggard with exhaustion.
Eventually, he collapsed onto the bed and didn’t wake up until the sun was high in the sky.
Not that I’m complaining.
I got to enjoy watching Eunsoo’s peacefully sleeping face for a long time.
‘His sleeping face is just like it was before.’
Though his features have matured, his expressions and the air about him remain unchanged.
‘He’s grown up so well.’
It’s almost cliché how perfect he is—whether he’s smiling, being playful, serious, or, like now, fast asleep.
Really, with that face, that body, that attitude—and the fact that he’s saved my life five times—how could I not fall for him?
It’s beyond my control.
I glanced around, even though I knew it was just me and Eunsoo in the house.
The thought that someone might see made me feel oddly self-conscious.
‘A kiss on the forehead should be okay, right?’
I gently brushed his bangs aside and cautiously pressed my lips to his forehead.
“…”
Why is this so nerve-wracking?
When there were no feelings involved, kisses on the forehead or cheek felt like nothing.
Now that I’m aware, it feels like I’m doing something I shouldn’t.
I told myself I’d stop, but as I pulled back, Eunsoo suddenly grabbed my wrist.
* * *
