* * *
“……”
Sehir fell silent after hearing Kaindel’s story, and a peculiar stillness settled over the room—a silence as tense as walking on thin ice.
Sehir, who had been lost in thought, eventually broke the silence.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t see any good coming from it.”
“Still…”
Sehir trailed off, clenching and unclenching his fists.
Unlike earlier, when his emotions had run high, his gaze now held a softer light.
It seemed he had grasped something after hearing Kaindel’s heartfelt words.
“Kaindel, people won’t know unless you tell them. And you, too—you’ll never fully understand someone’s circumstances unless they speak up.”
“Of course.”
“Then you should have tried talking. Things might have turned out differently.”
“……”
“Isa probably wanted to talk to you, too. It’s not about being acknowledged as a companion of the hero—it’s about wanting to hear those things directly from you. He probably wanted to share and discuss everything with you. After all, you’re lovers.”
Sehir paused, then shook his head, correcting himself.
“No, you were lovers.”
“……”
Kaindel started to frown but stopped himself.
No, he and Isa weren’t just former lovers—they were still lovers.
They hadn’t even properly broken up, so there was no way their relationship had already become a thing of the past.
Even though Isa had left his side for now, Kaindel held firm in his belief that Isa would return someday.
Noticing Kaindel’s unshakable conviction, Sehir raised his eyebrows, exasperated.
Pouring himself some tea, he continued.
“Find Isa yourself. If he’s willing, I’ll keep helping him.”
“This is between me and Isa. It’s not your place to hide him or not.”
“As his friend, I think I’m entitled to intervene this much.”
“Sehir.”
“As I said, this is a matter between you and Isa. So go find him yourself.”
Kaindel, ready to raise his voice at the unexpected refusal, was cut off by Sehir’s sharp retort.
Sehir smiled faintly—a detached smile devoid of clear emotion.
Crossing his legs, he took on an observer’s stance.
“I understand your position. But I’m not sure Isa will. After all…”
After trailing off as though searching for the right words, Sehir brushed back his hair.
The steam rising from the teacup partially obscured his face.
“There are so many things you didn’t tell Isa.”
“I was planning to tell him.”
“When? Later? After everything was resolved? Did you think Isa would just wait for you until then?”
“I… I mean…”
“Seems you’ve forgotten something. Isa is human, Kaindel.”
“……”
“Humans don’t have infinite time.”
“……”
“And what’s already changed can’t go back to the way it was—not even feelings.”
Sehir’s words, driving home an unchangeable truth, left Kaindel with a dry mouth and a sigh slipping from his lips.
Feelings couldn’t return to their original state.
When was the last time Isa had smiled at him like he had back in Luther?
A question that felt out of place suddenly came to mind.
“I understand your situation. Leave matters with the princess to me—I’ll handle them. You may still have to go through the motions of marriage as agreed with her, but I’ll take care of the rest. You just focus on finding Isa.”
Concluding his remarks, Sehir rose, glancing briefly at the wall clock before gesturing toward the door.
“Well, off you go. I need to head to an audience with His Majesty soon.”
“Ah…”
Snapped out of his thoughts by Sehir’s casual dismissal, Kaindel stood up reluctantly.
Though he felt uneasy, he wasn’t rude enough to detain someone about to meet the king.
So, he left the room without protest.
“Damn it.”
It was only after leaving that he realized he hadn’t accomplished his purpose for visiting.
He had come to Sehir to find out where Isa was, and now he saw how absentminded he had been.
Letting out a hollow laugh, Kaindel noticed his feet were stuck, unwilling to move.
He was back to square one.
After meeting with Sehir, Kaindel didn’t stop at mobilizing knights within the kingdom.
He also sent people to neighboring countries bordering Hadelber.
He even stationed agents at various ports.
To all under his command, he gave the same order: If they found a silver-haired man, they were to detain him immediately and bring him to Kaindel.
Once his orders were issued, Kaindel turned his attention to reviewing years of travel logs.
To move between territories owned by nobles, travelers had to present identification and leave a record.
If Isa were anywhere in the kingdom, there had to be at least a trace of him in one of those ledgers.
As he pursued leads in the records, time passed.
The world outside became blanketed in white snow, and even a slight opening of a window let in a biting cold wind.
It was already midwinter.
Kaindel noted this with idle detachment as he blinked.
As always, he sat blankly on the bed he once shared with Isa, gazing outside.
“…Hm?”
While staring at the snowy landscape, something unusual caught his eye.
Beneath the bed, a green object was sticking out.
What is that?
Driven by instinctive curiosity, Kaindel knelt to peer under the bed.
There, gathering dust, lay a dried bouquet and a forgotten letter, as though someone had accidentally dropped them.
Kaindel’s lips tightened at the unexpected discovery.
Picking up the bouquet and letter, he sat back on the bed.
After staring at the bouquet for a moment, he unfolded the letter.
[Hello, Kaindel.]
But his peace was short-lived.
The handwriting on the first line froze him in place—it was Isa’s.
Familiar strokes brought a sudden halt to his breathing.
With trembling eyes, Kaindel began reading the words below, slowly and deliberately.
[I never thought I’d use the writing you taught me to pen a farewell letter.
I struggled a lot with what to say. Knowing this might be my last goodbye, I couldn’t bring myself to write a single word. If I could make one selfish wish, it’d be that you read this after your wedding with the princess is over.
Because only then might I finally have the courage to say everything I want to.
Kaindel, I’ve thought about it for a long time—whether this is all my fault, whether it’s because I didn’t love you enough.
But if I’ve done anything wrong, it’s this: loving you.
Perhaps I should never have met you that day.
I loved you with all my heart, and I have no regrets about the time I spent loving you. I was honest with my feelings, and I believe I did my best. I don’t know if you feel the same.
Now that I think about it, the truth is, I hate being alone. Maybe it’s because I’ve been on my own since I was young, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t get used to it. That’s why I kept asking you to come early. But perhaps I shouldn’t have. I regret it. If I hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t have had anything to hope for.
And I’m jealous. I get jealous just seeing you with someone else. When you escort someone other than me, it makes me so upset that I feel sick. Of course, that doesn’t mean I could’ve been your partner. Isn’t that ridiculous?
It’s not just jealousy. I’m greedy too. When you don’t share your stories with me, I feel disappointed. I wanted to share everything with you—how my day went, who I met, what I did… There were hundreds, no, thousands of times I wanted to confess that you were on my mind all day. I also wanted to hear about your days without me.
But it’s all in the past now.
Kaindel, do you remember what Alice once said? She said love is like fruit. When it first forms on the tree, it’s so beautiful that it feels like it will last forever. But in reality, from the moment it forms, it’s destined to rot. In other words… love inevitably fades and disappears after a certain time.
I guess ours was like that too. Something that was bound to disappear. But I was immature and kept trying to hold on. I’m sorry.
That day… the day I first told you we should part ways, I’m sorry for speaking so carelessly. I should’ve talked to you rationally, like an adult. You must’ve been so taken aback.
Thank you for comforting me all this time. Thank you for staying by my side. Thank you for telling me you loved me.
Thank you for giving me flowers.
From Isaac Winter, who once loved you.
P.S. Did you know? The meaning of white baby’s breath is “a pure heart” and “death.” Isn’t that fascinating?]
* * *
