* * *
Sei…
I repeated the name the woman had uttered.
It had a pleasant ring to it.
Sei, Sei, Sei.
As I rolled the unfamiliar name over my tongue, the syllables softened and grew familiar.
It sounded beautiful.
The woman had said her child resembled the man in the portrait.
If that were true, the child must have been stunning.
Even though I’d only seen the man through paint on canvas, just looking at his portrait had left me with a strange sense of warmth.
Paired with the woman’s gentle features, the child’s appearance was easy to imagine.
She must have loved the child and the man deeply.
I watched the sorrow etched into her eyes, not missing a single flicker of emotion.
Her love for the silver-haired man and their lost child had a different texture compared to the affection she held for Lily.
Not that she didn’t love Lily, but the grief of knowing she’d never see her family again weighed heavily on her.
…And that injury to her eye was real, after all.
I studied her as I waited for her to speak again.
Unlike her healthy eye, which was fixed on the pendant, her other eye remained frozen, motionless and pale.
No tears glimmered there; no emotion swirled in its depths.
It was as though the venom had left it broken and lifeless.
If her story about the venom was true, then the rest of what she’d told me was likely true as well.
The realization brought a complicated mix of relief and guilt.
The tragedy she recounted had been someone’s reality, not just a tale.
And despite the years that had passed, she remembered every painful detail vividly.
It was remarkable, in a heartbreaking way.
After a moment of quiet reflection, the woman shifted slightly and smiled with a hint of mischief, as if trying to lighten the mood.
“This might sound silly after all that, but there wasn’t any grand meaning behind the name. My partner was just really fond of sirens from mythology. So, if it was a boy, we were going to name him ‘Sei,’ and if it was a girl, ‘Iren.'”
“Sei and Iren… They sound lovely.”
“Right? He used to say that with spirits and elves already existing in this world, sirens might be out there somewhere too. Such a dreamer.”
“That’s charming. Actually, I know someone like that. Someone who also had a whimsical imagination.”
The memory brought a faint smile to my lips.
The image of Kaindel came to mind—how he’d once butted into a lively debate between Ruen and Owen about sirens and fairies.
“I’ve sailed for over ten years, and I’ve never seen a siren. Fairies are no different.”
“Sirens and fairies aren’t the same. Just because sirens don’t exist doesn’t mean fairies don’t.”
“Yeah, right.”
“But I believe in them.”
Kaindel had probably said that because of me.
Back when I traveled through time via Seriel Lake, I had met him as a child.
Even if he no longer believed that encounter was with a real fairy, he’d once called me ‘fairy.’
“Fairy, can I have a birthday present this year?”
I wondered how Kaindel would react if he ever found out that I had been that ‘fairy.’
Would he resent me for disappearing without a word?
Or would he be surprised?
Maybe he’d feel guilty about our last encounter.
I was curious.
Not that I planned to tell him anytime soon.
Lost in these thoughts, I was brought back to the present by the woman’s voice.
“Seems like you have someone like that too.”
“Someone like what?”
“Someone who makes you smile just by thinking about them.”
She pointed at my mouth, where, apparently, a smile had formed without me realizing it.
“Ah… it’s not like that.”
Was I really smiling like a fool?
Kaindel and I weren’t even close anymore.
Embarrassed, I rubbed the back of my neck.
“We’re not together anymore.”
“Oh, an ex-lover?”
“Yes. I really liked him. Maybe that’s why I was smiling just now.”
“If you liked him that much, why did you break up? Or is that too personal?”
“I liked him so much that my heart couldn’t take it. If I’d stayed with him any longer, I felt like I would have disappeared completely.”
The woman immediately fell silent.
Guilt clouded her face.
But I wasn’t upset.
Strangely enough, I felt calm.
The usual tightness in my chest whenever Kaindel’s name came up was absent.
“Honestly, I’ve liked a lot of people over the years. More than I can count on my fingers. I’m easy that way—anyone who treated me kindly could win my heart.”
“I see.”
“But Ka… that person… he was different. He was the first person I ever loved with my entire being. He made me realize that you can love someone so much that they become your entire world.”
Loving Kaindel had taught me that when you love someone too deeply, it’s hard not to bend to their will.
My eyes sought him out wherever he went; even a shade of green that reminded me of his eyes made my heart race with unbearable intensity.
My feelings had soared to the sky and plummeted to the ground in equal measure.
That’s how much I had loved him.
Wasn’t it because I liked him that much that I’m still here, struggling, unsure of what to do?
“But not too long ago, I found out why he had no choice but to act the way he did. It was by chance. I finally understood the reasons behind his actions, and maybe even his true feelings.”
“And?”
“I can understand it with my head. I get why he had to make that choice at the time.”
It would’ve been easier not knowing.
I swallowed the truth I almost let slip.
Thanks to Kaindel, I sometimes feel that ignorance can be a blessing.
This time was no different. If I hadn’t known, I wouldn’t be feeling like this.
Maybe it was because the woman opened up to me so honestly.
Even though we met today for the first time, I found myself pouring out my true feelings about Kaindel, like a dam breaking.
It was strange, but I didn’t have the energy to care.
I was too busy dealing with the emotions welling up inside me.
“I get it logically, but emotionally, I’m all over the place. I resent him, but I also feel sorry for him. The memory of that pain is still vivid, and I’m scared to reach out again. I’m terrified… yet I want to try. I don’t want to forgive him, but… I want to tell him he wasn’t wrong.”
“That’s contradictory.”
“It is. I know that.”
Maybe it’s that contradiction that’s kept me from finding an answer.
I lowered my head, agreeing with her.
The pendant she had given me came into view, and inside it, I saw the smiling face of a man.
His gentle eyes seemed to say he understood me, and that kindness loosened the knot in my throat.
“That’s why I’m struggling. I don’t know what to do.”
Or what it is that I really want.
“Hmm.”
The woman hummed softly at my confession.
She seemed to be thinking it over, glancing back and forth between me and the pendant in my hands.
Finally, she spoke, her words slow and deliberate.
“Is this really something you have to figure out?”
“What?”
“If you don’t want to do it, then don’t.”
* * *
