* * *
Now that I think about it, Doha was always the one making the suggestions.
Two years ago, it was Jeongdongjin.
He chose the vacation spots, and even suggested the valley we went to last time.
Over eight years, he was always the one inviting me.
Realizing this, my heart pounded loudly, as if declaring its presence.
The dawn sea was unusually calm.
Only the sound of the waves broke the silence, as though sweeping away the last remnants of darkness lingering in the sky.
As I took in the gentle roar of the waves, I leaned my arm against the open car window.
Doha, seated next to me, let out a quiet sigh and murmured.
“We could’ve gone somewhere nicer.”
“Thinking of buying another villa?”
“…”
I glanced over at him at the wheel, unable to hold back a laugh.
“Your mother mentioned there’s no property in Canada.”
“…She has more wealth than she lets on. Way more.”
Letting it slide with a chuckle, I turned my gaze back to the sea.
The salty ocean breeze brushed my forehead.
After sitting quietly for a while, I opened the door and stepped outside.
Though it was autumn, the wind was unusually brisk.
Crash, crash—
With the sporadic rhythm of the crashing waves as my background, I walked forward.
The sand gave way under my feet, and I took a few more steps before slipping off my shoes and socks, hanging them from my fingers.
“It’s dangerous here. You’ll get scraped by shells.”
“I just wanted to walk a little.”
Seeing his nervous expression as he trailed me, I couldn’t help but smile.
In the end, he gently took my empty hand and walked alongside me.
The quiet shuffle of our steps on the fine sand, the darkest hour before dawn, and the person beside me.
“I’m sorry.”
Even with his sudden apology, I didn’t turn back.
I kept walking, watching the waves lapping at my feet.
The water receded from the damp sand, only to return with each wave, casting a darker shadow.
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“…”
“In fact, I should be grateful. Even though I ended up in the hospital, there was a chance I wouldn’t have received surgery in time. And if not that, they might not have caught the culprit so easily. Kim Jungha was behind it.”
A knife slipped through my ribs, puncturing my lung, and I even lost consciousness.
My chances of survival were less than 20%.
But at the hospital, blood had been arranged in advance, and the best surgeons were ready.
The surgery was swift, and the perpetrator was caught immediately.
Everything fell into place naturally.
It was possible only because Doha had intervened.
As an ordinary employee, it wasn’t something I could’ve managed.
I should have been thanking him and apologizing for the trouble.
“Yul-ah…”
Doha’s voice trembled.
When I looked up, I saw his face twisted as if on the verge of tears.
His gaze was filled with guilt, emotions spilling freely.
“That’s not what I’m apologizing for.”
“…”
“I’m sorry for not figuring it out sooner. For not noticing what you were going through… I didn’t realize how much you were hiding, how much you were suffering. Do you remember my mom’s old friend, the one they couldn’t reach in time? That was your mother, Yul.”
His trembling voice was laden with emotion, a warmth too vast for me to bear.
Doha clutched my hand, pressing it to his cheek as he spoke in halting words.
“If I’d known sooner, everything would have been different. Why didn’t I? I regret it every day. If I’d tried to find out more about you, about your family, I would’ve known. But I wanted to know you, not just as information. So, I left it alone… I should’ve known sooner…”
“Why would that be your fault? My mother’s accident was just that—an accident. You don’t need to carry that guilt.”
I took a deep breath, exhaled softly, and spoke to Doha in a firm tone.
I wanted him to know it wasn’t his fault, that every decision had been mine alone.
“There were countless chances, but I stayed silent. It was my choice, Doha.”
Tears began to well up in Doha’s large, beautiful eyes, spilling over his lashes and down his cheeks.
I parted my lips, but words failed me, leaving a dull ache in my chest.
I should say something more, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.
Doha’s tears trailed down his face, falling off his chin.
He blinked slowly, the weight of his sorrow spilling over in heavy, silent cries.
Gently, I raised my hand to wipe the dampness from his cheeks.
The tears I wiped away filled up again almost instantly, wetting my fingers as they slipped down his cheeks like he was shedding the tears I’d long buried.
“Doha, I’m the one who deceived you.”
“You pretended not to know.”
His tearful voice cracked a little, and I gave a faint, sad smile as I brushed his tear-streaked face, carefully tracing each feature.
“It’s not something to apologize for. I wanted to keep working; you simply respected my choice.”
I wiped away the lingering tears under his chin, but as I tried to pull my hand away, he grasped my wrist, pressing my hand against his cheek, leaning into it slightly.
He looked down at me, his reddened eyes the only vulnerable color on his resolute face.
“I’m sorry.”
“……”
“I’m so sorry, hyung.”
The warm tears soaking my fingertips felt like proof that I was still here, by his side.
A chill ocean breeze brushed my ears as the sun slowly rose.
In that moment, with only the sea, Doha, and me, the world felt like ours alone.
“Doha.”
At first, I couldn’t understand. Why go to such lengths?
Why didn’t he just cut me off, sue me for my deceit, and move on?
There was no need to look the other way, to pretend.
He should’ve hired a new assistant and gone on with a calm, unbothered life, walking the road ahead of him.
But in the end, he chose to hold on to me, to plead with me to stay.
Why?
Why on earth?
Like a stone tossed into a tranquil lake, the impact of his choice left a deep ripple that sank to the bottom, disturbing the quiet with lasting marks.
Though the surface eventually stilled, the memory of that moment remained etched in my mind, stirring me endlessly.
My lips moved, but I shut them tight.
I am selfish.
My life has always been about me; there was no room to think of anyone else.
I’d believed that, assumed my life would be unchanging, like the inevitability of the sun setting and the moon rising.
I feared growing accustomed to even the smallest warmth, so I kept turning away, locking my heart tightly.
I maintained a safe distance, worried I might grow attached.
I convinced myself it was simply work, that I was a bad person, selfish and relentlessly self-centered.
I repeated that to myself hundreds, thousands of times.
I forced myself to ignore the kindness I received, shoving it deep into a small, locked box within my heart.
There were moments when his warmth overflowed, stirring my heart, but I pressed it down, locking it away even tighter.
Sometimes, the warmth he gave felt so overwhelming I could barely breathe.
Even with Doha constantly beside me, pouring his affection, I averted my gaze, waiting for him to push me, demand my feelings, anything that would let me break free.
But he never rushed me, never once pressured me.
He waited, quietly, with unwavering patience.
Maybe that’s why I never dared to reveal that I was an omega or that I was a model.
If he’d told me bluntly, with no consideration, I might’ve taken it as a threat, perhaps even ended things in the most drastic way.
But as time passed, his patience and kindness became something I was used to.
At some point, I found myself smiling back at his laughter.
Even simple walks felt inexplicably peaceful. Kissing him became familiar.
I grew comfortable sharing warmth at night, accustomed to waking up and tracing his sleeping features, laughing to myself.
Only after I could no longer push my feelings back, after they slipped out of the locked box, did I finally realize.
Doha’s gaze had always been on me.
What is it that makes me want to be reassured, to feel assured?
I still didn’t know.
I looked up quietly at his face, my lips barely moving.
“Do you… like me?”
Doha blinked, then met my gaze for a moment before holding his breath.
The cold air brushed against my hand, yet I didn’t feel cold—perhaps because of the warmth of his hands holding mine, or maybe the heat of his cheek against my skin.
“No.”
My fingertips flinched.
After all these years of learning to handle rejection, it turned out I wasn’t used to it at all.
In an instant, every bit of warmth, all the bubbling feelings, drained away, swept off by the ocean breeze.
Of course.
How could this be love?
Just as I took a step back, Doha quickly grabbed me by the waist, pulling me close.
“If I’m just your assistant, then there’s nothing I can do.”
“……”
“If you only see me as a boss, there’s no way for me to approach you. I can’t force my way into the life of someone who’s already set boundaries.”
* * *
Good
Just be together already
😭
… oh come on. Just confess everything and stay together 😓
Nooo~~
❤️