* * *
“Taehwan, I think I like you.”
I said it casually, almost like an afterthought, while clearing the dishes after dinner.
I surprised myself.
After all that time agonizing over when, where, and how to confess, it had just slipped out at the most mundane moment.
‘…Well, I did need to say it sooner rather than later.’
There was no taking it back now.
Maybe this was for the best.
Choi Taeyang always told me I was good in crisis situations—maybe it was smarter to just do it and deal with the fallout later.
It’s not like anything would change no matter how long I waited. Better to get it over with quickly.
“Oh? Jung Jehee, did you hate me or something? I’ve known you for over 20 years, and I never noticed.”
“No, that’s not it…”
There was a problem, though.
He didn’t take me seriously.
Taehwan just chuckled like I’d said something ridiculous, ruffled my hair, and walked past me.
I had to grab his sleeve and make him face me if I wanted him to understand.
“It means I need to move out.”
The day I came out to him, admitting that I might be gay, Taehwan had said something.
‘If you ever start seeing me as a man and not just a friend, then move out.’
So now, I had to keep that promise.
“…What?”
“I’ll pack my things and be out soon. I’ll stay at my parents’ for a few days while I look for a new place. It’d be a waste to throw away the furniture I’ve been using, so once I find somewhere, I’ll take it with me. I’ll pay for it, of course. And I’ll transfer a generous amount to cover the rent and living expenses until now.”
“Wait, hold on.”
“…Yeah?”
Taehwan was smart.
He probably understood what I meant right away.
Even so, this must have come out of nowhere for him.
I decided to wait quietly while he gathered his thoughts.
The longer he stayed silent, the darker his expression became.
His normally calm face twisted, his brows furrowing with irritation.
“Jung Jehee, you… That’s a really messed-up joke.”
“I’m serious.”
“No, come on. Don’t talk nonsense! You already like someone else!”
“I turned them down.”
“Why the hell would you—!”
“Because I like you.”
The first confession had come easily.
The second, not so much.
I couldn’t meet his eyes.
At least my voice stayed steady.
Just a slight sigh mixed into my words.
“I only just realized… the person I truly like is you.”
“…”
“I was just seeing you in them. I didn’t actually like them.”
The answer had been right in front of me all along, but I was too dense to see it.
Now that I did, I had to take responsibility and sort out my feelings properly.
I didn’t want things to reach a point where we couldn’t go back—I cared about both of them too much for that.
But maybe this was too much for Taehwan to accept.
“Think about it carefully. Do you like me… or do you love me?”
“Taehwan.”
“If it’s just liking me, then that’s fine, right? It’s not like you’ve ever not liked me. You don’t have to move out—”
What I felt was undoubtedly love.
It had gone far beyond mere liking.
I was sure of that.
But saying the word out loud…
That was something else entirely.
It was too raw, too embarrassing.
Besides, even if I said it, would Taehwan really believe me?
So… I decided to take a more direct approach.
I grabbed his arm, lifted myself onto my toes, and pressed my lips against his cheek—just slightly off from his lips.
—Smooch.
“…”
If I was going to do it, I should’ve just kissed him properly.
It wasn’t like Taehwan would’ve gotten furious just because I did it to prove something.
But I just… couldn’t.
I had been acting nonchalant this whole time, but honestly, my heart felt like it was going to burst.
My face must’ve been beet red.
My throat burned.
I couldn’t even open my eyes properly.
Just from seeing his face up close, just from that brief touch of his skin against mine—
How could I possibly keep living with him while feeling like this?
Back when I didn’t realize it, I could fool myself into thinking I just really liked my best friend.
But not anymore.
Now I knew. I knew just how impure my feelings for Taehwan were.
How much they were tainted with desire.
I didn’t want to deceive him.
Not Taehwan. Of all people, I couldn’t lie to him.
“You get it now, right? I’ll go pack.”
I turned away, almost running to my room.
The lingering sensation of that brief kiss burned into my lips, making my already overheated body feel even hotter.
I had to leave. Now.
I hurriedly reached for my suitcase—only for a firm hand to grab my wrist.
Taehwan.
I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him, but just from the sound of his breathing, I knew.
He was furious.
Even before I regained my sight, I had spent years learning to read him.
I didn’t need to see him to know exactly what he was feeling.
“Jehee, you’re mistaken.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. Our friendship isn’t normal. You can’t look at it through a normal lens.”
That was true.
We weren’t just regular friends.
We’d spent nearly our entire lives together.
Running through the neighborhood as kids, going on trips.
After getting caught in a Gate incident and losing my sight, he had been by my side, taking care of me for years.
We had endured the hardest times together, and when I unexpectedly awakened as a Hunter—when I miraculously became an S-class—he was there for that, too.
Even after I recovered and left the hospital, we worked together as S-class Hunters.
He had spent more time with me than my own family.
When I was a blank slate after years in the hospital, it was Taehwan who guided me.
He helped me adjust, both to society and to life as a Hunter.
He even taught me about sex after I lost my father too young to learn about it from him.
With all the physical contact that had come with that, he probably thought I had the wrong idea.
That I was confused.
How could I explain it to him?
If even a kiss wasn’t enough, what else could I possibly do to make this stubborn idiot understand?
As I struggled to find the words, Taehwan’s voice cracked slightly.
His face twisted with something close to desperation.
“Jehee… Don’t go. Just stay here.”
“Let go of me.”
“No. Don’t run away. Just talk to me.”
“I’m not running.”
“You are. Right now.”
His grip tightened, moving from my wrist to my forearm.
Not just one hand—both of them were holding me now.
This wasn’t like him.
Taehwan had never tried to physically stop me before.
I could break free if I wanted.
We were both S-class, after all.
But I couldn’t do it.
His hands were trembling.
Just like this was overwhelming for me, it was the same for him.
No, maybe even worse.
I had suddenly, one-sidedly decided I loved him.
Taehwan… was about to lose both his best friend and his roommate in one night.
To him, this must have felt like getting struck by lightning.
As soon as I calmed down, Taehwan loosened his grip on me.
Instead, just like always, he effortlessly lifted me and placed me on the bed.
He cupped my cheeks, making sure our eyes met.
“Jaehee. It’s fine if you’re gay. It’s fine if you like me. Why does that have to mean leaving the house you’ve lived in? I told you before—this house was built for you. So if you leave, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to live alone in this huge house?”
“I can’t stay. I have to go.”
“Why? I told you, I don’t mind.”
Did I really have to say it?
I didn’t want to be this honest.
I felt like crying… but I had no other choice.
“Because… I want to.”
His hands were still on my cheeks, and his clear, deep brown eyes pulled me in like magic.
I couldn’t even turn away.
I had no choice but to face him head-on and say this humiliating thing.
“…Want what?”
“I want to kiss you… and… and…”
“……”
“…s-sex. I want to have sex with you.”
If you touch me now, I’ll start expecting things.
I’ll assume you feel the same way… and when you don’t, I’ll be disappointed.
But I can’t let that happen…
My vision blurred.
Whether it was from the heat rushing to my face or because I had finally broken down into tears—or maybe both—I didn’t know.
The tears welled up and spilled over in an instant.
Even if Taehwan said it was okay now, how could this not affect him?
The friend he’d spent his entire life with, his roommate, harbored feelings of desire for him.
There was no way he wouldn’t think about it.
This could build into a misunderstanding that would ruin everything between us.
That’s why… we needed distance.
There was no going back to how things were before I liked him.
Maybe we’d have to draw this line forever.
Did he understand me now?
Taehwan’s grip on my face weakened.
This time, I was the one who grabbed his hand.
“…I’m sorry.”
But the truth was, I didn’t want to apologize.
I didn’t want my love for him to be a “mistake.”
I didn’t want to regret it.
Taehwan was someone who deserved to be loved.
And I simply… loved him.
My plan was to accept my feelings, stay calm, keep my distance, and wait for him to sort out his thoughts.
Then, when he was ready, I’d hear his answer and we’d go back to being friends.
But he kept holding on, and it hurt.
Seeing him struggle made me feel like I had done something wrong.
If I had known things would turn out like this, I would have distanced myself from him a long time ago.
I had ruined everything. Because of me.
“…I really am sorry.”
At this point… he probably didn’t want to live with me anymore.
I decided to leave immediately, without even packing my things.
But before I could get off the bed, Taehwan grabbed me again.
“Then let’s do it.”
I froze at the words that made me doubt my ears.
Before I could react, he pulled me into his arms.
“…What?”
“Let’s do it. Maybe once we actually try, you’ll realize it’s not what you thought. If you leave now and it turns out to be nothing, isn’t that a waste?”
“……”
“If you can really go through with it, I won’t stop you from leaving after. But let’s try first.”
…Was he serious?
I lifted my head to check his expression.
He looked… sincere.
He meant it.
He really wanted to see for himself—to confirm the truth at the very bottom of my heart.
Of course, I could do it.
This wasn’t just some fleeting impulse that would invalidate our years of friendship. I truly, deeply loved Taehwan.
Even now, his touch made me tremble with anticipation.
My body was already reacting embarrassingly sensitively.
So there was no way things would turn out the way he expected.
“Jaehee, I can’t let you go like this.”
I bit my lip.
Without a doubt, Taehwan would be disappointed in me.
When he saw firsthand that the body he had cared for all these years, the person he had always protected, now burned with desire for him—he would be disgusted.
But… if he couldn’t accept that I loved him, if he refused to let me leave this house… then I had no choice.
“…Okay. Then… let’s do it.”
Maybe this was the only way to bring an extreme, irreversible end to our twisted relationship.
* * *
What a crazy start😳😳