* * *

“Here, rinse.”

Wait a minute, didn’t he just drop something massive?

I quickly spit out the toothpaste, but I couldn’t even think about rinsing my mouth yet.

“You… you saved my life?”

“Why else do you think someone who was at death’s door suddenly came back to life?”

“No… really?”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t close my mouth.

So, when Eunsoo was sick and weak back then… was that because he was saving me?

‘It all makes sense if I think of it like that.’

At the time, things were too chaotic to connect the dots.

But even when we reunited, his reaction made sense in hindsight.

If he truly thought I was dead, wouldn’t he have been confused about how I was alive?

Yet back then, the only thing he said to me was something like, “Don’t run away.”

It was so jumbled I could barely make it out, but probably that.

‘How many times do I owe Eunsoo my life?’

Three times?

No, if you count him catching me on moving day and managing the fallout when Elliott went berserk, then five times…

My heart pounded. I’d saved his contact in my phone as “Angel,” but he was my literal guardian angel.

While I stood there, still too stunned to rinse, Eunsoo poured water into a cup and brought it to my mouth.

Finally snapping out of it, I rinsed my mouth and even washed my face.

Eunsoo was waiting with a towel in hand and wiped my damp face for me.

“I worked hard to get you back in shape just in time for the new year, but I ended up collapsing from exhaustion. When I finally woke up, you were gone. I wonder if you can imagine how that felt.”

“I— I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“…I’m joking. Don’t look like you’re about to cry. I don’t blame you.”

Eunsoo smiled softly.

That smile… it felt achingly unfamiliar.

The Eunsoo I knew was stubborn, self-centered, and greedy, always determined to get what he wanted.

But the young man standing in front of me now had eyes that looked as though they’d let go of his most precious thing. Hollow.

“I’m not going to pull some power play, like ‘I saved your life, so now you owe me everything.'”

“But…”

“I needed you. Without you, I couldn’t survive. In the end, I saved you for me. You seemed like you had no attachments, that you were ready to end it all. I just… I held on.”

Eunsoo reached out. I thought he was going to hold my hand like always.

But no.

He lifted my hand and slipped off the ring on my finger.

It was a keepsake from Eunsoo’s parents, a ring that had always been impossible to remove, but now, it came off so easily.

All its functions had been exhausted protecting me.

I’d struggled so much to get it off once, and now that it was gone, I felt an empty hollowness in my chest.

A faint sound escaped my lips.

“So don’t worry about me and live your life. Be happy.”

“W-wait.”

Without realizing it, I grabbed Eunsoo’s wrist as he moved to take the ring.

“Does that mean you don’t love me anymore?”

“I love you. How could I not love you?”

“R-right? Of course. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have spent five years looking for me.”

“Hyung.”

“…Yeah?”

“I’ve moved on.”

“…What?”

The strength in my grip on his wrist faltered.

Taking the chance, Eunsoo slipped his hand free and tucked the ring into his pocket.

I kept my gaze down the entire time.

My mouth felt dry and my mind was blank. It was like taking a hard blow to the head.

I could only laugh awkwardly.

“I… see.”

“Yeah. So don’t worry about me. You can stay at our house if you want. Just like before. And when you find someone you love, you can leave then.”

Why do I suddenly remember the saying, “Life is all about timing”?

I’m not sure why, but… it seems I completely missed my chance.

“…Okay.”

Returning home with Eunsoo, I enjoyed the home-cooked meal he prepared and we went shopping.

I was full, the weather was perfect, and the streets were bustling with life.

But why?

Why did the world seem so yellow?

It felt like a chunk of iron was pressing down on my chest—a sharp-edged piece at that.

It was… excruciating, to the point of tears welling up.

‘What should I do? I don’t think I can go back to the way things were before…’

Too much had already changed for us to return to the past.

Back then, I was a reckless, terminally ill person, and Eunsoo was a bright and innocent child.

But now… he wasn’t the same, and neither were my feelings when I looked at him.

‘I’m not sure what this is yet…’

I punched my chest lightly.

Ever since the ring was taken from me, my heart had been in turmoil.

I couldn’t even tell if this fluttering was good or bad.

All I knew was that Eunsoo’s words and actions could send my emotions swinging wildly.

A single word naturally came to mind to describe this feeling, but confirming it would make it lose all meaning.

‘It doesn’t matter. Eunsoo said he’s sorted out his feelings.’

At the hospital, when Eunsoo kissed me all over my face and then touched my lips, I thought he wanted to kiss me.

But perhaps it was the opposite.

He might’ve been happy to see me after so long, showered me with kisses, but when it came to my lips, he felt nothing—and realized that his feelings had cooled.

Five years is a long time.

He probably thought I was dead.

The fiery passion had burned out, leaving only affection behind.

Love is still love, regardless.

‘This is for the best.’

It would’ve been troubling to develop ulterior feelings for someone I raised like my own child, especially when I had already drawn the line with Eunsoo before the five-year gap.

If he managed to sort out his feelings on his own, that’s a relief for me.

Love fading doesn’t mean a relationship ends.

Sometimes, a bond without romantic feelings can be even stronger.

I just need to adjust my mindset.

It’s Eunsoo, after all.

My precious kid.

The confusion I’m feeling is just due to the distortion of time.

It’ll be fine once I get used to it.

‘But… what if this feeling isn’t temporary?’

What if I truly love Eunsoo in a romantic sense?

What if he’s the “first love” I can never forget?

Damn it.

My chest ached again.

“Haah…”

“Why are you sighing? Come over and choose.”

“Ah, yeah.”

Before my stomach had even settled, Eunsoo dragged me to a large department store.

It was built during the five years I was gone, and its massive, luxurious scale left me wide-eyed.

We were now on the third floor, in the men’s clothing section, specifically in a brand store known for casual suits.

Since the world seemed yellow and nothing stood out, and since I wasn’t exactly fashion-savvy, I left the choices to Eunsoo.

But…

“What is all this?”

“What do you think? Try them on.”

The pile of clothes Eunsoo picked out for me could only be described as a mountain—30, maybe even over 50 outfits.

I was stunned.

Sure, I wasn’t terminally ill anymore and would need clothes for work, but… did we really need to buy this many expensive items from a department store?

“This is too much. How many are you planning to get?”

“To be honest, I want to buy them all. They all look great on you. See? This jacket is perfect.”

Eunsoo held up an autumn jacket against me, smiling in satisfaction.

He even smirked when the salesperson chimed in with enthusiastic praise.

…Didn’t he say he’d moved on?

Then why did he still look at me with those rose-tinted glasses?

I wasn’t that good-looking.

Eunsoo’s face sparkled as he held up various clothes to me, smiling brightly.

But unfortunately, I didn’t even have the mental bandwidth to feel flattered.

“These are all so expensive. I don’t need this many.”

“Hyung, you know I have money. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Even if you have money, this is wasteful.”

“What’s the point of having money if you don’t spend it? Spending drives the economy.”

Huh?

That was… oddly convincing.

Eunsoo really did have a lot of money.

The interest from his liquid assets alone could sustain him for life.

On top of that, he earned a significant income as a guide.

When he retired, he’d even get a pension.

If he accepted overseas scouting offers—which he likely wouldn’t—he could make a fortune in a short time.

Still, knowing he had money didn’t stop me from feeling it was wasteful.

Spending wisely takes practice, and I… had spent too much of my life scraping by, worrying over every dollar, to feel comfortable with such extravagance.

Suppressing the groan threatening to escape, I closed my eyes and steeled myself.

This was a luxury for Eunsoo.

A splurge for him.

All right.

I made up my mind.

I could do this!

“Okay, halve the pile, and I’ll choose five outfits from there. I don’t need many. I’m not comfortable wearing fancy clothes, and there won’t be many occasions in my life that call for them. Just a few will do.”

“Halve it, and from that, five outfits. Got it.”

“…If you insist, I can’t say no.”

Eunsoo let out a sigh, scanned the clothes he’d picked, and then turned to the salesperson.

“We’ll take everything.”

* * *