* * *
In the end, the tea time ended without me touching a single dessert.
The duke and duchess must have had more to discuss, as they sent me and Raizen ahead.
“……”
“……”
‘Ha…’
I no longer had to act overly childish, and I had finally graduated from calling him “Hyung” over and over.
‘But now that I’ve dropped all that, I don’t know how to act.’
Regression, “Hyung.”
That had been the identity of the Sean I created.
Though, in hindsight, it was more of an accidental mistake than a deliberate choice.
‘I guess I’ll just adjust my way of speaking a little.’
The core premise hadn’t changed.
‘I have no intention of taking anything from you.’
‘I am a younger brother who likes his older brother.’
‘A younger brother who likes his older brother…’
I found myself repeating that phrase before sneaking a glance at Raizen.
At that very moment, he turned to look at me as well.
Why did our timing always align so perfectly?
I was momentarily startled, but I feigned nonchalance and subtly reached for his fingertips.
‘He’s grown even more.’
Sean’s body had grown quite a bit as well, but it was nothing compared to Raizen’s growth.
If this were Earth, it would be around the time of puberty, so a growth spurt was expected—but even with that in mind, his rate of growth was extreme.
Was it because of that upcoming manifestation ceremony or whatever it was called?
‘Not that I’m jealous or anything.’
Absolutely not. No way.
“Let’s go, Hyung.”
Pushing aside unnecessary thoughts, I took Raizen’s hand and led him forward.
But unlike usual, when he would silently follow, he didn’t budge.
“…Hyung?”
Raizen looked at me silently for a moment, as if assessing something.
Since I had admitted during tea time that I had been deliberately acting like a child, I felt a sudden pang of anxiety.
‘Don’t tell me… is this future villain-in-the-making actually upset about that?’
Technically, I did deceive him, but wasn’t my reasoning sound?
Not knowing when or where things might go off track, I grew uneasy and kept my eyes locked on his lips.
‘Just say it already!’
I was about to call his name again when Raizen finally spoke.
“Should we go straight to my room?”
“…Huh?”
The unexpected question caught me off guard, but I quickly nodded.
“Sure.”
I had to hold his hand anyway.
‘Though I doubt that’s what he was actually thinking about.’
Something about this felt off, but I had no choice.
As I started walking, Raizen firmly grasped my loosely held hand.
“……”
He was probably just trying to maximize the effects of divine power.
But for some reason, I had the sudden urge to pull my hand away from his firm grip.
Of course, I didn’t actually do it.
Who was Raizen Pantheon?
He was the sole heir of the Pantheon Duchy—the future mastermind of all things dark.
Though cursed by a unique condition, he struggled to empathize with others’ pain and had trouble understanding his own emotions.
This was something I had confirmed firsthand while being around him.
‘You never know. Maybe there’s another reason you were the only one to survive.’
He had once said those words outright to Sean, who had lost his parents in a tragic accident.
When I had demanded an apology, using our bed-sharing as leverage, he had given one that was all words and no emotion.
That was the kind of person he was.
“…I’m sorry.”
Wait, what?
Raizen had suggested going straight to his room, and I had agreed without much thought.
As always, I assumed it was just so we could hold hands.
But the moment we arrived and I sat down at his desk, he suddenly apologized.
“Hyung…? What’s with you all of a sudden?”
Surprised, I looked at him.
He lowered his gaze, his long, delicate eyelashes casting faint shadows over his pale face, giving him an oddly fragile air.
“I didn’t know the details of the carriage accident. Honestly, I did think it was strange that you were the only one who survived.”
That was just so… typical of Raizen’s logic.
Most people would assume that the parents had done everything they could to protect their child.
Or that it was sheer luck.
‘Well, I guess I was surprised too, finding out that I wasn’t kidnapped but left alone in that shabby house.’
If I had been kidnapped, there should have been someone watching over me, but there hadn’t been.
Aside from the lack of food and poor conditions, the place wasn’t the worst hideout.
“…It’s just an excuse, I know. But regardless, I never should have said that to you in the first place.”
Wait. Was he apologizing for his past harsh words?
“I really am sorry, Sei.”
“I already apologized for what I said back then, hyung.”
At those words, Raizen let out a self-mocking laugh.
“You know it wasn’t a sincere apology.”
‘Sincere…?’
For a moment, I couldn’t believe my ears.
Raizen, of all people, talking about sincerity?
Someone who seemed to doubt whether sincerity even existed in humans?
‘Does he want something from me?’
But there was nothing Raizen could possibly gain from me right now that would make him go this far.
“Well… yeah, but…”
“Even if I say it now, you won’t believe it’s sincere.”
The problem was… right now, Raizen’s words actually felt sincere.
It was completely different from before—when he was outwardly kind but always carried a cold detachment underneath.
‘Why…?’
A heavy feeling settled in my chest.
Could he really have changed?
That Raizen?
His curse hadn’t even been lifted yet.
In fact, recently, he had gotten caught up in the curse’s schemes again.
“But… I wanted to say it before it was too late.”
“…T-Thanks.”
I barely managed to squeeze out a response.
“Thanks? No, it’s all because of you.”
‘No. That’s impossible.’
I’m not the kind of person who can change someone.
I’m too selfish, too messed up for that.
And yet, Raizen claims he changed because of me?
That’s a ridiculous lie.
‘Why is he acting like this? What does he want?’
No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer.
And that was driving me crazy.
“Sei?”
If I stayed any longer, I felt like I would end up screaming.
I shot to my feet.
“Sorry. Sorry, hyung. I already held your hand enough on the way here… I-I should go now.”
Like I was running away, I bolted out of Raizen’s room and sprinted down the hallway.
I thought I heard him call after me, but maybe I imagined it.
The only thing I knew for sure was that he didn’t come after me or try to stop me.
‘Why am I running away?’
I didn’t know.
‘What is it that I can’t bear?’
Raizen’s words—that he had changed because of me?
Or…
The fact that those words made me so unbearably happy?
Amidst the flood of thoughts in my head, one question surfaced.
‘When did I stop seeing hyung in Raizen?’
At that moment, I came to an abrupt halt.
“…No.”
Raizen and hat hyung may look identical, but they are completely different people.
Their personalities, their attitudes—everything about them is different.
So it’s only natural that I don’t see hyung in Raizen anymore.
‘Yeah. That’s how it should be.’
I need to forget hyung.
He left me a long time ago. I can never see him again.
It was only my pathetic, lingering attachment that made me hold on for so long.
‘So… there’s nothing wrong.’
Nothing wrong with the fact that I don’t see hyung in Raizen anymore.
Suddenly, I glanced around.
Before I knew it, I had reached the third floor.
After making sure no one else was in the hallway, I hurried into my room and locked the door behind me.
My legs gave out, and I slid down to the floor.
“It’s fine. Everything’s fine…”
I kept muttering to myself for a long time.
∗ ∗ ∗
In the now-empty room, Raizen quietly stared at the chair Sei had been sitting in.
Without even blinking, he replayed the entire conversation over and over in his mind.
And in the end, only one question remained.
‘Why?’
Why did Sei run away?
Raizen had been sincere.
Of course, his sincerity had a purpose behind it, but even so, this was the first time he had ever needed sincerity for something.
Until now, he had never required it to achieve his goals.
Though he was indifferent to others, it didn’t mean he was ignorant of people.
As the heir to a ducal family, Raizen had met countless individuals whether he wanted to or not.
By observing people without emotion or attachment, he had learned to see through them—to know exactly what they wanted and what they were thinking.
Sei had been sad today.
Deeply so.
“…Can I… be happy?”
As he recalled Sei’s tearful question, Raizen finally understood what pain felt like.
It was like someone pressing down hard on a bruised wound.
‘Can I be happy?’
Then… did that mean he hadn’t been happy until now?
That realization came as an unexpected shock to Raizen.
Sei was always grinning, always lively.
Of course, he wasn’t as simple-minded as he appeared.
Sometimes he would act in ways that even surprised himself, slipping away like an eel just when Raizen thought he had him figured out.
That’s why Raizen had assumed he was fine.
Or rather, he had never even considered otherwise.
Sean Noir Kreveta—someone who was always happy.
That was how Raizen had unconsciously defined him.
But he had been wrong.
Now, he recalled all the small things he had ignored before.
The way Sei would sometimes scratch his cheek hard enough to leave marks—hurting himself without a second thought.
Back then, Raizen had only stopped him because he didn’t want to see injuries on Sei’s face.
He had never questioned why Sei did it in the first place.
Because, at the time, it hadn’t seemed important.
* * *
Ouchie my heart