* * *
“What do you want to eat? Stir-fried pork?”
“I, I do like that, but…”
“Then let’s go with that. Let’s go to the butcher shop nearby. If we go when the lady is there, she’ll give us extra, but we have to time it right. Please prepare some gochujang in advance. Also green onions and garlic.”
I looked around. There were about five or six audience members. Somehow, the stage seemed overly simple.
Oh, now that I think about it, we had to downsize the theater again because we didn’t have money. Where are we this time? In the provinces?
“There may be few people in the audience, but I’ll do my best.”
“Ambitious fool, you’re acting strange.”
“I told you, it’s Cha Dowon. You gave me another weird nickname.”
I smiled and slowly walked to the center. The chairs where the audience sat looked extremely shabby.
‘Our theater company is getting poorer and poorer?’
What should I do?
Still, as the lead actor, I should keep my spirits up, right?
‘What play is it today?’
Look at my absent-mindedness. I chuckled to myself.
‘Ah, I’m playing the role of a singer today.’
I made eye contact with the audience. I couldn’t quite remember what play it was, but I definitely remembered the song I had to sing.
The audience seemed doubtful about my performance. Their expressions were not good.
I grabbed the microphone and spoke.
“It’s a good day, everyone.”
Hmm. Usually, one or two people would respond to that, but why is no one saying anything?
‘The audience is very prickly.’
I smiled brightly. Softening a stiff atmosphere is also the job of a lead actor.
“The next song is for those who have parted ways with a loved one. It’s called ‘Once Again.’ Whenever I hear this song, it makes me laugh.”
The mood didn’t improve.
‘Something is off with this performance.’
I shrugged and continued.
“Where in the world is there such a thing as ‘once again’? When it’s over, it’s over. Well, if I were given another chance, I’d grab it with all my might.”
I glanced back slightly. Soon, the music started. I tapped my foot to the beat and smiled.
“Hoping none of you miss your chance, let’s begin. Once Again.”
The first note had to come half a beat early.
Soon, the song began. I made eye contact with the audience.
My vocal cords moved freely, as if my abdominal muscles were unusually strong today.
‘Why am I singing so well?’
I liked singing.
‘Come to think of it, I wanted to be an idol.’
I remembered my forgotten dream and smiled even more. It was too late now. Soon, the chorus came.
‘I need to use my head voice for this,’
I mixed in my breath. The voice I wanted came out faithfully.
Maybe because the song was going well, I felt good. When did my skills become so solid? I wanted to keep singing this song.
But time was cruel. Eventually, the song ended.
I was about to say my next line. But something was off.
‘I can’t remember my line.’
What was it?
As I was pondering, Audience Member 1 spoke.
“He’s a peculiar guy.”
“Indeed. He keeps surprising me.”
“Weren’t his vocals poor at the audition? But he did well. He’s good enough to be put on stage right away.”
“He also danced well earlier. We should definitely put him in the debut team.”
Audience Member 2, dressed in a black suit, nodded.
“I thought he was arrogant earlier, but he’s funny.”
Why are they saying such incomprehensible things? I tilted my head.
“I don’t know what trick you used, but you worked incredibly hard. I wish the other kids would learn from you.”
I smiled brightly. Praise is always nice to hear, no matter what it’s about.
“Did I do well?”
The audience nodded.
“Thank goodness.”
That’s when it happened. Suddenly, the audience’s figures blurred.
I blinked, but my vision wouldn’t focus. Suddenly, I felt like I was floating.
‘What is this?’
One leg wobbled and bent. I tried to support myself with my hands on the floor, but my mind was becoming increasingly blank.
“Idiot!”
I told you, it’s Cha Dowon. Stop calling me that.
I couldn’t resist the whiteness enveloping me. I felt my body hit something as I closed my eyes.
***
My vision wavered. I blinked and looked at the wall. The garish mint-colored wall was oddly unfamiliar.
‘What is this?’
Did we have this kind of wallpaper? Strange. The practice room for the monthly evaluation had white walls.
Suddenly, memories flooded in. I remembered being judged even on my solo dance, but everything else was a blur.
I immediately sprang up. Through my still blurred vision, a chubby arm grabbed my shoulder.
“Hey! Hey! Don’t get up so suddenly!”
I was panting like I had just run a marathon. I barely managed to look around.
There were several small beds, and the name of the hospital was written on the sheets.
“The emergency room.”
I looked alternately at the sheet and my hand.
“What about the monthly evaluation?”
I grabbed that hand tightly.
Damn. What the hell happened?
“It ended a while ago, man!”
This can’t be happening.
“No way. I didn’t finish. If I go now, can I do it? If I go right away, can I still do it?”
“Hey, hey! Don’t get so worked up. What are you talking about? You finished your vocal assessment!”
Did I?
I couldn’t quite grasp it. I clenched and unclenched my fist.
“I don’t remember.”
“Calm down. You completed your vocal assessment. Don’t you remember? You collapsed right after finishing your vocal performance. Do you know how worried I was?”
No matter how much I racked my brain, I couldn’t recall that moment.
“Manager, you’re not joking, right?”
“Would I joke about something like this?”
I took a deep breath. Only then did my surroundings slowly come into focus.
“Hospital, IV, bed.”
The manager sighed and said,
“Yes, man. This is a hospital.”
I looked around. Touching my forehead, I realized my fever was gone. I quietly checked the time; it had just passed midnight.
“The emergency room?”
“Yeah. You’re too much, you know that?”
What?
“Why did you hide that you had a fever?”
“Ah, it’s nothing serious.”
Suddenly, the manager grabbed my shoulder tightly.
“How can it be nothing? You reckless crazy ambitious one, listen to me.”
I turned to face the manager. His grip on my shoulder felt even stronger.
“I handle all the trainee management, right? But you need to tell me if you’re sick.”
I stared blankly at the manager’s chubby face.
“When I asked if something was wrong, you didn’t answer.”
“It’s really nothing serious.”
“How can it be nothing? Your fever was up to 38 degrees.”
I shook my head.
“I’m fine now.”
“Hey! You’re still in middle school! Living in the dorm without a guardian, you need to tell me when you’re sick!”
His round eyes were filled with frustration.
“I thought you were going to have a heart attack.”
Oops.
Only then did I realize what I needed to say.
“I’m sorry.”
I smiled faintly.
“I used to get like this sometimes when I was younger. But I’d be fine the next day, so I thought it was no big deal.”
Of course, that was a lie. I rarely got sick because I was usually healthy.
“I worried you. I’ll make sure to tell you next time.”
“Hey, you…”
The manager held his forehead, trying to say something but only sighed deeply.
“Fine, fine. I was going to scold you harshly, but really…”
He sat down and held his forehead. I quietly stared at the IV drip.
‘This is probably useless now.’
I looked for my smartphone.
Thankfully, it was quietly sitting in my pocket.
“I was worried because your fever wouldn’t go down.”
“But it’s gone now.”
“It suddenly dropped. I was so shocked.”
Well, that’s because the side effects are over.
I moved my body. I felt light and no different than usual.
“Since the fever’s gone, let’s go back to the dorm.”
“No! At least stay here tonight!”
“Did the doctor say that?”
The manager nodded. If that’s the case, there’s no choice.
“Then, manager, you should go home.”
“Hey!”
“I’m fine. I’m all better now.”
“Did you even hear what I said earlier? I’m responsible for managing trainees!”
He seemed to be suppressing something. Normally, he’d be eager to leave, but today he was oddly diligent.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“I tried calling your emergency contact at home, but no one answered.”
Oh, I forgot.
‘I left it as the old number because it was a hassle.’
I didn’t think there would be a need to contact them.
“My family moved. I’ll update the contact info.”
“Someone as smart as you wouldn’t forget something like that.”
For a moment, I was startled.
The usually cheerful manager suddenly burst into tears.
“Is something going on?”
I was so taken aback that I couldn’t speak.
“You’re living like your life depends on it for a reason, right? Hey, you!”
Tears were streaming down his button-like eyes.
Damn, what’s happening now? Why is he crying?
“You’re close to Seungjoon because of a sense of kinship, right? You reckless Dowon! Even if others don’t know, you should’ve told me!”
‘No, that’s not it…’
Where do I start explaining this?
“Manager…”
“You don’t have to say anything! I understand everything! By the way, didn’t you have a mom?”
Actually, it was my aunt.
I thought of my sister and spoke.
“There’s no problem with my family.”
There were many problems before I went back in time, but not now.
I didn’t have to worry about losing the inheritance, and my sister was about to attend the medical school she always wanted.
“Yeah, that’s what you’d like to say.”
“No, really.”
“I understand everything. Your mom got divorced, right?”
“That’s true.”
“See? You don’t have to say anything more. I’m not someone who presses on festering wounds.”
No, please let me explain.
‘Or is it better if I don’t?’
If I told him my mother passed away, he’d probably cry. Just thinking about it made me not want to see it. I didn’t want to be seen as a poor kid who lost his parents either.
‘I’ll keep it a secret even after I debut.’
My aunt could be my guardian when she arrives.
As I was thinking about this while hearing the sound of him blowing his nose, I got curious about the results.
“Manager, how did I do?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“What else? The monthly evaluation.”
No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t remember. What did I even do?
“You were unlike yourself, but still like yourself.”
I frowned. What does that even mean?
“Please explain.”
“You were like an actor. But you have a lot of guts. You sang well.”
Will I make it into the debut group?
“Are you worried?”
“A little.”
“You’ll make it.”
The manager noisily blew his nose again. I looked at him and then turned away. His tear-streaked and snotty face was a sight to behold.
“If you don’t make it, who will?”
“Did I do that well?”
“Yeah. And Seungjoon is the next likely candidate.”
That bear of a guy?
‘Did he always have that much talent?’
That was odd. He was good at sports.
Then I remembered the most important thing.
“If I make it into the debut group, I’ll get paid, right?”
“Of course.”
I smiled widely. Honestly, that was the most appealing part.
“Are you doing this for the money?”
I was about to say it’s not just for the money. But the manager started wrapping the tissue around his nose and began crying again.
“A divorced mom, financial struggles!”
It was frustrating how accurate yet wrong he was.
“So that’s why you sang so desperately, even if life was tough.”
The manager started crying again. I quietly looked around. I was worried someone might hear.
Thankfully, the emergency room was mostly empty.
‘Guess this isn’t a university hospital.’
I rested my chin on my hand and waited for him to finish sobbing.
“Yeah. Dowon, you did really well. Director Joo was really impressed with you.”
The sound of the middle-aged man sniffing was like a gem.
“I hate listening to it.”
I decided not to ask any further.
“Did I pass?”
I clenched and unclenched my fist. Was it because I didn’t have a fever, so my mind was clear? Something faintly came to mind.
“Never mind, forget it.”
You’ll understand when you wear the mask.
I lay down again. Even though I slept like that, drowsiness came over me again.
* * *
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My heart man 🥹