* * *
“Thinking about it… I can’t. Jehee’s waking up soon. If he sees me hurt, he’ll be shocked.”
“Ah, for f—! Then what do you want me to do?!”
He yanked his arm back like he’d been burned, clutching his head and yelling in frustration.
I guess he was furious at being played.
…Not that I cared.
Jehee had already been through something terrifying before passing out.
If he saw me hurt, it’d only make it worse.
He might even think it was his fault.
I couldn’t burden him with that.
“Then how about you let me hit you somewhere Jehee won’t see—”
“Visitors, please keep it down in the hallway.”
“…Sorry.”
After being scolded by a passing nurse, Cha Taeyang turned his anger back on me, growling that it was all my fault—but that was the end of it.
I no longer had any use for him.
I clasped my hands again, pressing my forehead down and trying to steady my breathing.
‘…It’s not like it would be that shocking.’
It wasn’t that I didn’t know.
I’d always known that just because Jehee smiled in front of me, it didn’t mean he was really okay.
His bright face was only because he was too kind, the sort to hide his pain completely behind a smile.
I knew it… but I turned away from it.
I told myself there was nothing I could do.
That facing it wouldn’t fix anything.
That it was better to pretend I didn’t know—to forget it existed.
I believed that, no matter how deep the wound, a peaceful, ordinary life and the slow passage of time would fade or cover it.
But in the end, Jehee’s wounds had become a massive scar, revealed before my eyes.
‘What if… because of this, he starts avoiding me?’
If this incident made the pain he’d buried resurface, even someone as gentle as Jehee might instinctively shy away from me.
And if that happened… I might never see him again.
But… so what? It wasn’t even a question worth pondering.
I’d just have to accept it.
If Jehee came to dislike me, if he avoided me or kept his distance so that we could no longer be close like before—every day would be hell.
I’d live on, but barely.
But Jehee’s hell had been far longer.
He’d lived trapped in a hospital for thirteen years, stripped of the eyes to see the world and the legs to walk his own path.
Thirteen years that had been hell for Jehee had been nothing but happiness for me—because he’d waited for me, because he’d smiled for me.
And when I saw him restored after awakening, instead of joy, I’d felt despair first.
Because the thought of Jehee leaving my side—my selfish desire to keep him all to myself—had come before anything else.
Lately, I’d been worked up again.
Thinking of Jehee while pleasuring myself.
Not only had I stolen his first kiss while disguised as the “man in the gray coat,” I’d even coaxed that naïve guy into kissing me as myself, Im Taehwan.
Even though he’d told me he didn’t want to kiss me, I’d pressed my lips to his while his mind was clouded in the throes of climax.
I hadn’t managed to slip my tongue in, but… I could still remember the warmth and softness of those lips.
‘Ha… I’m a real piece of trash.’
I buried my face in my hands.
I forced my mouth open, gulping in breaths and letting them out again.
If I didn’t, I felt like I might forget how to breathe.
Like I might run away—from Jehee, from life itself.
“You… really…”
I’d forgotten he was still there because it had gone so quiet, but Cha Taeyang was still by my side.
When I didn’t respond, just sat there motionless, he scratched his head a few times and then stood up.
“Alright. Doesn’t look like you’re in the mood to talk anyway, so I’ll head out. Leave the current incident to us—you just focus on Jehee. When he wakes up, tell him I said hi… We’ll meet again soon.”
He tapped my shoulder twice and left.
I didn’t know why a guy who’d been itching to pick a fight with me for years was suddenly acting all buddy-buddy, but I couldn’t deny it was fortunate.
If it weren’t for him, I’d have been dragged all over the place and wouldn’t have been able to stay by Jehee’s side.
And honestly, if someone started trouble with me right now, I doubted I could just ignore it and walk away.
My head was completely filled with thoughts of Jehee. I had no room for anything else.
“Ha…”
No matter how I tried to picture it, I couldn’t imagine a life where I had to keep my distance from Jehee.
A connection passed down since my father’s time.
Since I was very young, Jehee had always been by my side, and I had chosen to remain by his.
We’d almost ended our friendship once when we were immature, but in the end, we held each other’s hands again, and aside from when the Gate forcibly separated us, we’d never once let go.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call him my “other half.”
But now… a life without him? A life where I couldn’t see him whenever I wanted?
“…I miss you.”
Even now, with only a single door between us, the longing for him felt so sharp it was almost despair.
I’d been waiting for Jehee to wake up when I finally came to my senses and called his mother.
I told her we’d gone out together when Jehee got caught up in an incident, how I’d resolved it and brought him to the hospital.
That his body was fine, but he’d fallen into a deep sleep.
She’d sounded startled at first, but relaxed with a sigh of relief when I told her he was only sleeping.
When I suggested she could come to the hospital if she was worried, she asked:
“Do you think it would be better if I came?”
The hospital was far, and Jehee’s condition wasn’t serious.
It was a weekday, so she’d have work, and it would be a hassle to leave the twins behind.
I told her it wasn’t necessary, and she replied with a voice tinged with a smile:
“With you there, Taehwan, what’s there to worry about? I’m always grateful.”
Her voice was so filled with trust—excessively so—that I was momentarily lost for words.
‘…If she’d seen Jehee in the mountains, she wouldn’t be saying that.’
A bitter taste spread in my mouth.
Was this really okay?
My chest felt tight, but I told her I’d contact her again if there were any changes, and hung up.
It was too soon to tell her.
That Jehee was afraid of the dark now, that he might have lingering trauma—I decided I’d wait until he woke up and see how he was before saying anything.
Once we returned to the city, he wouldn’t encounter such darkness again, so it should be fine.
There was no need to cause her unnecessary worry right now.
‘…It’s just an excuse.’
The truth was, I was afraid.
Afraid that once she realized how badly Jehee had been hurt because of me, she’d take him away from me.
Even if this incident put distance between us, I wanted to hear it from him directly.
Only then could I begin to sort out my feelings.
So I sat in a chair beside his bed, dozing through the night with the heart of a man awaiting his own execution.
But contrary to my expectation that he’d wake within half a day, a full day passed and Jehee still didn’t open his eyes.
‘He doesn’t seem worse… maybe he’s just tired.’
Come to think of it, it had been a while since Jehee had last slept comfortably at home.
Ever since that night at the Wind Hole, he’d been staying anywhere but my place.
Even for someone as easygoing as him, sleeping in unfamiliar places couldn’t have been truly restful.
The fatigue must have built up without me noticing.
‘Jehee… needs a wash.’
Normally, once I’d confirmed he was okay and the medical staff had left, I would have wiped him down right away.
But with everything that had happened, and with Jehee insisting lately on doing things himself, I couldn’t bring myself to touch him.
I’d only wiped his hands and face, waiting for him to wake.
But if he was going to sleep this long, I figured I should probably wipe the rest of him down and change his clothes.
After a moment of hesitation, I decided to do it.
He’d been lying on bare ground—he was bound to be covered in dust.
I wanted to make him clean again.
I took it as if it might be the last time, bringing back warm water.
I wet a towel and gently cleaned his peacefully sleeping face.
Even though it had been months since I’d last done this, my body still remembered how to clean him without disturbing his sleep.
But it wasn’t quite the same as before.
As soon as I lifted his shirt to undress him, I had to pause and pull myself together.
My whole body tensed.
‘I really have gone insane.’
Seeing Jehee’s bare body had never been anything special.
I’d been taking care of him for thirteen years.
We’d bathed together like brothers for over twenty years.
I’d done this not just hundreds, but thousands of times—it was routine, ordinary.
And yet, right now, his body felt… special.
My eyes almost lingered before I slapped my own cheeks.
‘Get a grip, you idiot.’
I shut my eyes tight, forcing myself to take deep, slow breaths.
Only after emptying my head completely did I open them again.
Mechanically, hardly breathing, I focused on the task and carefully wiped down Jehee’s thin, pale body.
Still, no matter how much I tried to control myself, I couldn’t help faltering when it came to his lower half.
I managed to clean up to his calves while looking directly, but from his knees upward, I had to do it purely by touch, unable to let my gaze wander there.
Thankfully, it was something I’d done countless times before, so it wasn’t impossible.
I kept my mind focused as I cleaned his pretty genitals, his perineum, and the inside of his buttocks—without my own lower half reacting.
A victory for human willpower.
“Mm… nn…”
But then, just as I was finishing, wiping the sparse hair with my thumb, I heard a strange sound.
It wasn’t just a sleepy complaint at being disturbed.
It was closer to the sound he made when… he was being brought to release.
Jehee was awake.
* * *
