* * *
If only I could shatter into pieces and scatter away in the wind.
Like those broken trees lying on the ground, I almost wished Jehee would just tear me apart himself.
But even that wish was too much luxury for me.
I forced myself to stand, holding Jehee tightly in my arms.
“I’ll never leave you alone again. Never. Never, I’m not going anywhere without you. Let’s go together—to somewhere safe.”
I swallowed down the sob trying to break free and tried to speak as clearly as I could.
I put all my resolve into my voice, wanting him to believe me.
Maybe my effort worked— the steady stream of tears down his face began to slow.
Jehee, his arms around my neck, smiled as though reassured.
“…Mm. Thank you.”
At those words—“thank you”—I bit my lip hard.
If I let even a little more slip, I felt like the dam of my emotions would burst.
Like I would break beyond repair.
Thankfully, Jehee didn’t say anything more.
As if he truly felt safe, he soon drifted off in my arms, his breathing slow and even.
Cradling the sleeping Jehee gently, I just kept walking forward.
I had to take him out of here—to somewhere bright and safe.
But even though I knew I was moving forward, my legs felt numb.
It didn’t feel like I was stepping on solid ground at all.
It felt like I was sinking endlessly— into a bottomless swamp… no, into a deep, black underworld.
And even as I held the most pure and innocent angel in my arms, I was in hell.
I brought Jehee to the largest hospital nearby.
Out of worry, I had them run all sorts of tests, but they said nothing in particular was wrong.
“It appears he’s exhausted from overusing his ability. It’s not severe— if he gets an IV and rests well, he should be fine. He’ll probably wake up within half a day, so don’t worry too much.”
According to the doctor, it wasn’t serious.
But that couldn’t be right.
I had seen it with my own eyes— how Jehee couldn’t look straight at me, couldn’t even stand.
Even in his sleep, his legs didn’t twitch once.
When I lifted him after we arrived, his lower body was so cold that I had to rub warmth back into it for quite a while.
“What about his pupil response? Did you check?”
“Of course—it’s normal.”
“And his legs, they move?”
“Yes, both sides showed normal responses and no signs of injury… Is something wrong?”
“…No. Not exactly. But just in case, I’d like you to prepare some additional tests for when he wakes up.”
“If you tell me the tests you want, I’ll prepare them.”
After the doctor left, I checked Jehee myself, just to be sure— and it seemed the diagnosis was correct.
He shifted in his sleep, even moving his lower body.
When I tested him, even his toes responded clearly.
I was relieved… but also confused.
Then why, back then…
Back in the mountains, when he clung to me with those frail arms, Jehee couldn’t see me clearly, couldn’t move his legs.
If it wasn’t physical… then why?
“…Ah.”
It didn’t take long for me to realize.
It was because of the gate.
When we were kids, the inside of the gate that swallowed us was suffocatingly dark— a darkness blacker than anything you’d find in the city, or even on the darkest camping night.
And yesterday—no, technically, it was already the day before— it had been unusually dark.
Thick clouds had covered the sky, letting through neither moonlight nor starlight,
and there were no nearby houses, so the mountains had been pitch black— so dark you couldn’t see an inch in front of you.
If that darkness reminded him of the inside of the gate, if it woke something that had been sleeping inside him— then it made sense.
It explained why he’d temporarily lost his sight and the use of his legs, why he’d radiated killing intent to erase all nearby presence, why he’d unleashed his power recklessly and shattered the trees around us.
‘Taehwan, it’s okay. I’m right here.’
‘Shh. Let’s stay quiet. The hunters will be here soon to rescue us. We’ll be out in no time.’
‘Don’t be scared. I’m here. Come on, let’s hold hands.’
That day, right after we were sucked into the gate, Jehee was calmer than I was.
In that pitch-black darkness— one we had never experienced before— even with the presence of monsters lurking all around, he’d bravely searched for a place to hide us.
He’d held my hand and whispered that everything would be okay.
Back then, Jehee wasn’t afraid of the dark.
If something changed him, it had to be that day.
‘It wasn’t that bad. I believed they’d come rescue us. When they took you out, the hunters said they’d be back for me, so I just waited.’
‘And here I am now, right? So it’s fine.’
But in the thirteen years since, Jehee never once showed a sign of fear.
Even when the topic came up, he’d just smile faintly and say he was fine.
And at some point, I stopped asking about what happened— especially about the time when he’d been left alone.
Maybe I’d been unconsciously afraid to hear it.
I should have remembered Jehee’s pain.
If no one else did, at least I should have.
But I had forgotten even that the inside of the gate had been pitch black.
Because we’d been rescued quickly, because there’d been nothing wrong with his body,
because Jehee had been with me— I shamelessly forgot that day, that place.
And I never realized how deep the wound it left in Jehee was.
“….”
My breathing grew strained.
The air felt thick.
I had to part my lips and consciously swallow it down.
I couldn’t stand being in the same space as Jehee any longer, so I stepped out into the hallway.
I sat on the nearest chair where I could still see the hospital room, clasped my hands together, and lowered my head.
Resting my forehead on my fists, I closed my eyes.
They said my physical wounds had healed after awakening—but what was I supposed to do about the wounds in my heart?
Hurting someone physically could, to some extent, be repaid by tending to them, by serving them in every way.
But what about the wounds in their heart?
How could those ever be repaid?
I began to doubt if I even had the right to stay by Jehee’s side anymore.
I was the one who had dragged him into that hell.
He was so gentle, never showing any sign outwardly, but… what if inside, he was quietly rotting away?
And now, here I was, cornering him when things were already at their worst.
My hands tightened.
The veins stood out, and my nails dug so deep into my skin they felt like they’d pierce through.
With my eyes still closed, I wished—
‘I’d rather die.’
I wanted to go back to that day.
If I were given just one chance, I would never have reached out my hand to Jehee in that moment.
I would never have fallen asleep in his arms only to be rescued alone.
The dying, the injuries, the pain—they all should have been mine to bear.
So why? Why in the world did Jehee end up carrying it all?
My grip tightened even more.
My arms shook as I clenched until my nails nearly broke through skin—when suddenly, someone forcibly pried my hands apart.
I looked up instinctively and saw a familiar, though far from welcome, face looking down at me.
“What are you doing? You’ll hurt yourself like that. What’s wrong with you? I heard Jehee’s fine?”
It was Cha Taeyang.
My eyes narrowed. …Who the hell told this guy where we were?
Was it the Bureau?
Since Jehee had been missing, I had no choice but to report our location to them when we found him.
And since the Guild Taeyang had been tasked with handling the incident’s paperwork, they probably saw him as a related party—but that didn’t stop the spike of irritation rising in me.
And apparently, Cha Taeyang wasn’t here just to check if Jehee was safe—he even sat down next to me.
I didn’t greet him, or even look his way, but he spoke up anyway, wearing a face that was supposed to look serious.
“Im Taehwan. Let me ask you one thing.”
“…”
“I’ve been thinking… And this is—god, it’s such a ridiculous idea—but if I think of it this way, things sort of make sense. Like, it actually explains some stuff. So I just… really gotta ask you, just in case… you’re not… you wouldn’t happen to…”
I didn’t know what nonsense he was about to spew, but instead of continuing, he kept sighing heavily and sucking in deep breaths, unable to spit it out.
I didn’t care enough to wait.
“Hey. Cha Taeyang.”
“You’re not—wai… huh?”
I straightened my posture and looked him dead in the eye.
He clearly hadn’t expected me to call him first.
“Can’t you just beat me up?”
“…What?”
“The more it hurts, the better. Beat me until it’s unbearable.”
“Wha—what the hell are you talking about?! Beat you?! Are you out of your damn mind?”
Cha Taeyang’s face went pale with shock.
So… was that a no?
I simply stared at him in silence, and his eyes started shaking violently.
“Are… are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“For real?”
“Yeah.”
“Holy crap. I’ve always wanted to punch you at least once… Fine. But just one hit. Don’t regret it. You asked for it!”
Despite his earlier hesitation, he immediately rolled up his sleeves.
He even warmed up his arm, clearly preparing to make it count.
He was an A-rank, and a combat-type at that—one hit from him would be devastating.
Maybe it would knock some sense into me.
That’d be nice.
“I’m gonna hit you. Bite down.”
I nodded. I didn’t really get why I had to bite down, so I just stayed still.
“Phew…”
He steadied his breathing, then clenched his fist.
Pulling back his arm, he took a stance.
I could tell he was aiming for my right cheek.
“…What are you doing?”
But his punch never landed. I’d grabbed his arm before he could throw it.
I had intended to let Cha Taeyang hit me.
I even wanted him to beat me bloody.
But there was a problem.
* * *
