* * *
Since Lowell knew there was no ill intent behind it, he answered with resignation.
“It’s the thought behind the drawing that matters.”
That was what Taylor said, but Lowell disagreed.
‘Only up to a certain point.
This isn’t Felix—it looks more like a zombie that hasn’t eaten in a month.
No, wait, there are no zombies in this world… so maybe a monster instead?’
Still, that wasn’t something to say to someone who was trying to be supportive, so Lowell held his tongue.
“I will improve, right?”
“You have to.”
Taylor responded with enthusiasm to Lowell’s sighing question.
If Lowell had been half-hearted about his efforts, that would have been one thing, but he was a diligent and hardworking student.
Inspired by Lowell’s determination, Taylor had made it his goal to teach him how to draw something that actually looked human.
“That’s enough for today. Keep practicing the basics as always.”
“Yes, I will.”
As soon as Taylor left, Felix entered the room as if they had timed the exchange.
Lowell hastily hid his drawing on the easel and greeted him with an awkward smile.
“Aren’t you overworking yourself?”
As Lowell’s lessons grew longer, Felix had started asking that question every day.
“It’s not that bad.”
“And when exactly are you going to show me what you’ve been working on?”
That was the next crisis Lowell faced.
“What are you drawing that you always hide it?”
There was no way he could say, ‘It’s you.’
“It’s nothing special. I’m just not at a point where I can show it yet. I’ll show you as soon as I feel like it’s ready.”
“And when will that be? I have no idea.”
Felix had been hearing the same answer ever since Lowell started learning how to draw.
Finally, he decided to voice his frustration.
Lowell, too, wanted to show him a portrait he had drawn.
If he had even reached the level of “It’s a little bad, right?” he would have shown it by now.
‘Right now, it’s not just “a little bad.”
It’s so awful that I’d feel guilty even asking for his opinion!’
If he had been a complete beginner from the start, it wouldn’t have been so bad.
But having once been good at drawing and now being unable to do it made his confidence plummet even further.
At the very least, he wanted to wait until it resembled an actual person before revealing it.
‘Before the baby is born, I should be able to show him… but now that he keeps insisting, it’s getting harder to hold out.’
He briefly considered confessing, but every time he looked at the grotesque figure he had drawn, that thought vanished instantly.
“I’ll show you someday.”
“…You’re not drawing something I’m not allowed to see, are you?”
“There’s nothing you’re not allowed to see, Felix!”
Lowell suddenly felt indignant.
The reason he wasn’t showing it was purely because of its poor quality, not because the subject matter was inappropriate.
If anything, he desperately wanted to show Felix.
“You’re being so secretive about it, I was starting to wonder if you were drawing that trash who abandoned you.”
Lowell was so stunned that he momentarily forgot how to speak.
Felix, seeing his reaction, frowned deeply as if he had hit the mark.
“…Is that really it?”
“Of course not! What in the world are you imagining?! I don’t even remember his face that well!”
For the first time, Lowell raised his voice in protest.
The fact that Felix had no idea how much effort he was putting in just to draw his face properly, and instead made such an absurd assumption, made his anger flare up.
Felix, taken aback, widened his eyes in surprise.
“…Did you just yell at me?”
“Yes! How could you say something like that to me?! Stop doubting me already!”
Lowell, having shouted in frustration, immediately clamped his hands over his mouth in shock.
He had always understood the source of Felix’s insecurities and did his best to reassure him.
It had never been a burden or exhausting to do so. He had thought that he wasn’t stressed about it at all.
‘What’s wrong with me? Have I been feeling stressed by Felix’s doubts without realizing it? No, I usually find it kind of cute…’
With the hormonal changes from pregnancy, it was only natural that his emotions were harder to control.
But for Lowell, who believed that failing to manage his emotions and lashing out at others was a serious fault, this situation felt foreign and unbearable.
“…Lowell?”
Felix was just as taken aback. He had never seen Lowell yell before—let alone at him.
“…I’m sorry. I lost control of my emotions for a moment.”
His energy instantly deflated, Lowell hung his head, looking dejected.
It was clear that he was blaming himself.
“…No, I should have been more thoughtful before speaking.”
An awkward silence settled between them.
Normally, Lowell would have said something witty to lighten the mood, but right now, he was too emotionally drained.
“…I’ll step out for a bit.”
Felix instinctively wanted to follow, but when he saw how disheartened Lowell looked, he hesitated.
It felt like tearing away a piece of himself, but for now, he decided to give Lowell some space.
Besides, he wasn’t sure how to mend their first real argument.
“…Keep an eye on him.”
Felix rarely gave redundant orders, but this time, he repeated himself to the knights.
Watching the scene unfold, the guards had to suppress their amusement.
Felix and Lowell were extremely serious about it, but to an outsider, it just looked like a classic lovers’ quarrel.
“Sigh…”
As Lowell watched Grey rolling around with his kittens in front of the tower, he felt an overwhelming sense of self-reproach.
“Why did I even do that?”
It was the first time Lowell had ever fought with a lover.
He had never been in a relationship deep enough to warrant a fight, and he had always been tolerant enough that conflicts never arose.
“There’s no need to worry too much. His Grace probably wasn’t truly angry either.”
Lowell looked at Tia with doubtful eyes before letting out another deep sigh.
“I just don’t understand why I reacted that way. It wasn’t even something to get that mad about.”
“It just means the two of you have gotten closer. People tend to argue more with those they’re closest to.”
Robin, as always, put the situation into perspective with his usual cheerfulness.
He had been surprised when Lowell suddenly snapped, but he quickly shrugged it off with a,
“Well, everyone has days where they get upset out of nowhere.”
“…Is that really it?”
“Of course!”
Lowell couldn’t quite simplify things like that, but he didn’t want to spread more negativity around either.
Forcing a smile, he found Grey squeezing into his arms and settling onto his lap.
As he absentmindedly stroked Grey, a sense of calm finally returned.
‘What should I say to Felix? Jumping straight into an apology feels weird. But pretending like nothing happened doesn’t seem right either…’
Logically, he knew the best way to handle the situation.
But dealing with his own emotions was always harder than advising someone else.
‘I’ll think about it over dinner. No, maybe I should use dinner as an opportunity to lighten the mood.’
As he looked down at his stomach, which was grumbling without any sense of the situation, Lowell sighed and got up.
Grey, who had been purring contentedly, meowed in protest a few times but soon returned to his kittens.
Lowell had been so preoccupied with his fight with Felix that he completely forgot he had started treating Grey like a house cat.
But despite his plan, dinner didn’t go as expected.
Every time Lowell tried to speak, Felix shut his mouth.
And every time Felix seemed about to say something, Lowell hesitated.
Their conversation never quite took off.
In their efforts to be cautious around each other, even the most basic exchanges became difficult.
“We should head to the tower early today.”
“…Yes.”
In the end, that was the only meaningful conversation they had that night.
* * *
