* * *
Even when Lowell tried to suppress his feelings due to past wounds, his heart steadily grew fonder.
He found himself thoroughly soaked in Felix’s gentle affection, like being caught in a soft drizzle.
He couldn’t fully accept or completely ignore this feeling, so he buried himself deeper into Felix’s arms.
Even though he was relieved that Felix had returned, Lowell couldn’t sleep that night.
Like a child crying only after recognizing a wound, his heart raced and reverberated throughout his body once he acknowledged his emotions.
Calming down seemed impossible.
“You look like you didn’t sleep.”
The next morning, as Lowell opened his eyes, Felix’s question greeted him.
Even if they hadn’t shared a bed, anyone could tell from Lowell’s bloodshot eyes.
“I must’ve slept too much during the day,” Lowell muttered, offering a poor excuse.
He knew Felix wouldn’t believe it—surely, the knights had already reported how Lowell had spent the night glued to the window, worried about him.
“Perhaps you weren’t used to the bed. Let’s return to the castle and have breakfast there,” Felix said knowingly.
If the bed were truly the problem, Lowell shouldn’t have slept well the previous night either.
But Felix feigned ignorance for his sake.
“Yes.”
Lowell, too exhausted to argue, complied.
After returning to the castle and finishing their meal, Lowell’s odd behavior began.
“Where’s Lowell?”
Normally, Lowell would be in Felix’s study, curled up in a blanket while reading a book or dozing off.
But today, only the blanket remained, and Lowell was nowhere to be found.
Felix ran his hand over the blanket’s cool surface before heading out to search for him.
Eventually, Felix caught a faint trace of Lowell’s sweet pheromones near the greenhouse where medicinal herbs were grown.
“Did Lowell come here?”
“Yes, Your Grace. He entered just a short while ago,” the startled gardener stammered, bowing deeply.
Felix nodded and stepped into the greenhouse.
Inside, Lowell was staring absentmindedly at the herbs.
As Felix’s tall, broad figure entered, Lowell visibly tensed.
“You’re here?”
Lowell greeted him with a sheepish smile and a small wave, trying to mask his nervousness.
Felix’s gaze alternated between the herbs and Lowell, his expression puzzled.
“What are you doing here?”
Lowell had never shown interest in plants before.
In fact, when he’d first seen the greenhouse, he quickly lost interest upon realizing it was filled only with herbs.
“I think I heard somewhere that plants are good for children,” Lowell said, averting his eyes.
“So you suddenly wanted to look at plants?”
Felix’s skepticism was obvious, but Lowell feigned ignorance and nodded.
“Then take your time.”
Felix sat in a chair inside the greenhouse, his intense gaze fixed on Lowell.
His subtle release of pheromones felt deliberate, as though he was marking his presence on Lowell.
‘What do I do?’
Lowell was troubled.
He had come here to calm his emotions and get some distance from Felix, but Felix didn’t allow him that space.
After spending the whole day together, Lowell had slipped into the greenhouse while Felix was training, hoping to hide.
Yet, Felix had found him so quickly.
‘How does he manage to track me down so easily in such a large castle?’
Felix hadn’t even asked the staff to search for him; he had found Lowell on his own.
“I think I’ve seen enough. Let’s head back.”
It hadn’t even been thirty minutes, but Lowell gave up under Felix’s watchful eyes.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?”
“Yes. A flower garden would’ve been nicer, though. It’s a shame,” Lowell replied, not because he had a particular love for flowers, but because he thought they might brighten the castle’s austere atmosphere.
“Do you want a flower garden?” Felix asked, serious.
Sensing he might have said too much, Lowell quickly backtracked.
“No, not really. I just thought it’d be nice to have one, but it’s not like I desperately want one. I came here for the child’s benefit, not because I’m particularly fond of flowers.”
Lowell rambled on, worried Felix might order the immediate construction of a flower garden.
Felix scrutinized him, trying to discern his sincerity.
“Alright. Then let’s go back to our study.”
Lowell bit his tongue to stop himself from correcting Felix’s words—it wasn’t “our study” but “the Grand Duke’s study.”
Felix likely hadn’t said it intentionally; it seemed to have slipped out unconsciously.
So Lowell let it slide.
“Yes.”
Reluctantly, Lowell followed Felix back to the study.
Cocooned in a blanket, Lowell absentmindedly accepted the pieces of fruit Felix handed him every minute, lost in thought.
‘This can’t go on.’
He needed to evaluate his feelings objectively.
Did he truly love Felix?
If so, how deeply?
Could he allow these emotions to grow unchecked?
Past heartbreaks had made him cautious, and he found himself scrutinizing his own feelings.
“Open your mouth,” Felix said.
Holding a document in one hand, Felix used the other to feed Lowell a piece of apple.
His cold expression contrasted starkly with the tenderness of his actions, making Lowell smile despite himself.
‘He’s doing it again.’
At first, Lowell thought he smiled because Felix’s actions were cute.
But now he realized that perhaps his initial assumption was flawed.
‘Nothing is more dangerous than something cute.’
As Lowell sighed, a knock came at the door.
“Come in.”
“Your Grace, I have a report about the monster you defeated yesterday,” said Tony, a knight who hurried in.
His expression froze when he saw Felix feeding Lowell.
He squeezed his eyes shut, as if to block out the sight.
“Speak from there.”
“The monster’s corpse yielded a mana stone of significant grade. We’ll need your verification.”
Mana stones of higher grades fetched excellent prices but were difficult to handle without expert mages.
In Nix, Felix was the most skilled mage, so the task fell to him.
“I’ll be back shortly.”
Felix rose to his feet, leaving Lowell behind.
Felix left the room after drenching Lowell with his pheromones.
The smoky apple scent that filled the air put Lowell in a pleasant mood, but he suddenly shot up from his seat.
“This is one of the few chances I’ve got.”
Lowell thought about where he could go to be alone.
“Would staying on the move make it harder for them to find me?”
The sky outside had grown dim.
Leaving a note on the desk that read, ‘I’m taking a brief stroll around the castle. I’ll be back soon,’ Lowell climbed out through the window.
If he had exited through the door, the knight stationed outside would have undoubtedly followed him.
“Haa…”
Stars began to dot the darkening sky.
Lowell pulled his coat tightly around himself and pressed forward, his boots crunching on the freshly fallen snow.
The brisk air seemed to clear his mind.
“My Lord, why are you out here alone?”
It was impossible to avoid encountering knights and staff while wandering around the castle.
Lowell had no intention of disappearing without a trace, so he simply replied, “I just needed some fresh air.”
“It’s cold. Why don’t you head back inside? This isn’t like the capital.”
“I actually enjoy Nix’s beautiful snowy charm. I won’t be long, I promise.”
The servant didn’t press further and merely watched Lowell’s figure retreat into the distance.
“I need to go back soon, so Felix doesn’t worry.”
* * *
