* * *
“It’s a birthday present… I know it’s really late, but I still wanted to give it to you.”
He kept glancing at me like he was nervous, then held out a small, neatly wrapped package.
When I opened it, it was a fluffy little keyring shaped like a dog.
It looked familiar.
We’d seen it together once while shopping for school supplies.
The color, the dopey look—it reminded me of someone, so it stuck in my head.
“It’s, um… cheap, and not much, really… but you said it was cute, so…”
“…”
“If you don’t like it, I’ll just keep it. You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to…”
“No. You bought it for me—why would you keep it? I’m taking it.”
Lately, Jehee had been spending all his allowance on his siblings.
He hadn’t even been buying himself candy—and he had a real sweet tooth.
The fact that he bought something for me, no matter how small, was kind of touching.
It felt like I beat out the little babies he’s always doting on.
Just a bit.
I nearly burst into a goofy smile.
Had to physically stop myself from grinning like an idiot.
“Thanks… for remembering my birthday. That… made me happy.”
“Okay!”
From that day on, Jehee stopped avoiding me.
He didn’t act like a scared puppy watching my every move anymore.
He asked questions without hesitation, sat next to me like it was the most natural thing, and even stuck close to me on the way home.
He looked into my eyes more often and smiled way more than before.
“Hey, did you not like the gift I gave you?”
“No, I liked it.”
“Then why don’t you put it on your bag? It’d look cute.”
“My choice.”
“Yeah, but… Can’t you just put it on once?”
“No.”
“Aw, come on…”
He seemed a bit bummed that I wasn’t using the puppy keyring, but it couldn’t be helped.
What if I wore it and lost it?
It’s mine, after all.
Even though we patched things up, it wasn’t like everything with Jehee was smooth sailing.
Things got a bit better as the babies grew older, but he still poured himself into taking care of his family.
Sometimes, that really got under my skin and made my blood boil.
And despite having the face of a clueless puppy, he could be ridiculously stubborn—it drove me up the wall.
“…”
“A-Ah! Taehwan! Hey!”
Like right now.
For once, he suggested we go see a movie together.
But when I showed up, he was nowhere in sight—and some random girl was standing there instead.
I’d dressed up for this.
Even made a reservation at a good restaurant.
And, for once, I’d actually brought along the keyring he gave me—hooked it onto my phone.
And of course, Jehee goes and pulls something like this.
“Ugh. This is seriously pissing me off…”
No wonder he wanted to see a romance movie instead of a superhero flick.
Even though a perfectly good hero movie was playing, he insisted on the romance one…
Now I get it—it wasn’t even his pick.
I was this close to snapping.
Maybe I should throw a fit and make sure I never want to see him again.
This girl had already been hovering around Jehee too much—now she’d crossed the line.
But first, I forced myself to ask:
“Where’s Jung Jehee?”
“Oh, uh, Jehee said he’d be here soon! His siblings suddenly got sick, so he asked me to come instead!”
“Yeah, sure.”
What a joke.
If Jehee’s siblings really were sick, my phone would’ve exploded with messages by now.
He’s not the kind of guy who can complain to his mom, and besides me, he doesn’t have anyone else close enough to whine to about his precious little siblings.
But my phone was completely silent. Bet everything’s fine at his place.
If anything, the babies were probably too healthy—he’s always wiped out on weekends because of them.
“Uh, T-Taehwan… Well, since we’re both here anyway, and it’d be a waste of tickets… Do you want to watch the movie with me? I’ll buy popcorn and drinks! What do you like?”
“…”
I didn’t even remember her name, but I could tell every word out of her mouth was a lie.
Still, after coming all the way out here, turning back felt like admitting defeat.
“Why does it always feel like I’m the only one desperate to spend time with him?”
Jehee had passed me off to someone else, lying through his teeth to do it.
Maybe he kept ignoring me because I was always the one chasing after him.
If that’s the case, maybe it’s time I showed him that I’m perfectly fine without him.
Maybe the real issue is that I’ve been too nice.
I need to let him know—I’m not someone he can take for granted.
People only understand what they had after they lose it, right?
“Taehwan, wasn’t that movie great? Did you recognize me in it? I had a super short scene, but the director said my acting was really good…”
“…What do you want to eat?”
“Hm? Ah… I’m fine with anything.”
“Okay. Then let’s go.”
“Taehwan, where are we going?”
“You’ll see when we get there.”
“Um… Did you not like the movie? It’s got really high ratings. It’s doing pretty well at the box office, and people are saying it’ll break even soon, so…”
“Is that so.”
“Uh, yeah…”
“……”
“……”
But for some reason—
Even though the plot and overall quality of the movie didn’t seem bad, I just couldn’t focus.
I didn’t think much of it when Jehee ate the popcorn, and when he occasionally popped one into my mouth, I even found it pretty tasty.
But today, it was disgustingly bland.
The crinkling sound right next to me grated on my ears.
And all that excited chatter after the movie—usually I didn’t mind it, but today it annoyed the hell out of me.
After watching a superhero movie, Jehee always repeated himself for a whole week, going on and on for at least two hours. It used to be tolerable.
Maybe even a little endearing.
“This food’s amazing! How did you find a place like this?”
“I searched.”
“O-oh. It seems like the kind of place you need a reservation for… I’ve never been somewhere like this.”
“Is that so.”
“Yeah… I’ll eat well.”
“Okay.”
“……”
“……”
The food tasted awful too.
Or, to be precise, I just had no appetite.
I had picked the restaurant and menu after a lot of thought—it couldn’t have been a bad choice.
When I used to eat with Jehee, even when he got food all over his mouth or stuffed his cheeks so full it was ridiculous, I never found it annoying.
But now, watching someone else eat just felt downright unpleasant.
“I’m leaving. I’ll pay, so finish your food before you go.”
“Ta-Taehwan!”
In the end, I left first.
Still, I must’ve lasted a while—sun was already setting.
It was about the time Jehee’s younger siblings would be getting ready for bed.
“I wonder if he ate. Lately, he’s looked like he’s running on empty… I brought him here to feed him some meat…”
I had deliberately chosen a restaurant that didn’t do takeout, so that idiot wouldn’t try to pack the food and bring it home like always.
I wanted him to eat everything on the spot.
But that guy made all my effort meaningless. So easily.
A sudden surge of emotion hit me.
I was so angry my whole body flushed. I immediately texted Jehee.
[Come out.]
…Sometimes I wonder.
If I hadn’t called Jehee out that day—
If I’d just gone to his place instead—
If I hadn’t wasted time pretending to have a good time just to protect my pride and met him sooner instead—
…Would Jehee have been happier now?
Even after more than ten years of tormenting myself over it, I still don’t have an answer.
When I got home, I collapsed and slept for half a day straight without dreaming.
But even after all that rest, I still felt dazed.
Jehee’s tearful face, his voice choked with sobs, kept ringing in my ears.
“They said I can’t see… and I might not be able to walk… If the toxins don’t leave my body… I might never leave the hospital…”
Jehee had become disabled.
He lost his sight, and everything below his waist.
Now he’s stuck in the hospital.
He can’t go to school.
He just lies in bed, waiting for the day he dies.
Jehee used to live such a busy life.
He always helped people, looked after his family, and even made time for me—running around everywhere together.
But now… he can’t live like that anymore.
Because of me.
“I’ll take responsibility. No matter what it takes, I’ll make you happy.”
That’s what I blurted out when Jehee hugged me in tears.
I didn’t know how I’d take responsibility, or how I’d make him happy—but I wanted to do something for him.
I just wanted to help him stop crying, even a little.
But when I got back home, and then tried to go to the hospital again… fear crept in.
I was scared to see Jehee.
Facing my guilt—especially in its worst, rawest form—was terrifying.
“No. I have to take responsibility. I said I would. I have to go see him.”
Tears welled up again, but I wiped them away and stood up.
I got dressed and rushed to the door.
“Taehwan, where are you going?”
“Jehee’s hospital.”
“What are you gonna do there?! What if his family grabs you by the hair?! Taehwan!”
My mom tried to stop me, but I ignored her.
I didn’t need an adult’s help to get to the hospital—it was close enough to walk.
The real problem came once I actually got there.
When I stood in front of Jehee’s hospital room, I couldn’t move.
My feet wouldn’t budge.
I kept reaching for the doorknob and pulling my hand back.
My heart was pounding, my head spinning.
I felt sick from the stress alone.
I couldn’t bring myself to go inside.
I just lingered in the hallway for a long time.
* * *
