* * *
I still didn’t fully grasp the situation, but I knew one thing—I had to get out of here.
Moving carefully, I went over the god’s words in my mind.
[It has been eight years since you died. But nothing has changed, so you will find no difficulty living as before. It does not matter whether others know of your return or not. After one year, you will be free to choose death, and if you decide instead to continue living, that too will be permitted.]
“Right. Well… if I just endure for a year… This time, I’ll be able to die for sure.”
Muttering to myself, I suddenly felt a wave of absurdity wash over me. What was I even doing?
I wanted to die, but I knew that the god would never allow it. So I quickly abandoned that thought.
“What kind of bullshit is this… I can’t even die on my own terms.”
In life, nothing had ever gone my way.
And now, even death was out of my control.
If I dwelled on it any longer, I really might lose my mind.
So I forced those thoughts aside and rubbed my forehead.
Perhaps because it had been eight years, my own body felt strangely foreign.
It was as if I were moving someone else’s limbs.
Even so, I was surprised to find that my abilities functioned better than before.
Maybe being reborn in this way had somehow refined them.
A bitter laugh escaped me as I glanced up at the sky.
A small bird soared across the bright blue expanse.
It was strange.
In a world where the absurdity of death and resurrection had just unfolded before me, the sky remained peaceful—unchanged.
Just as it had been when I died.
Just as it was now, eight years later.
“…Maybe this is better.”
Well, even when I was alive, my days were painfully repetitive.
If the world had changed dramatically after my death, I think that would’ve been even more terrifying.
Honestly, successfully dying and then coming back to life after eight years is a first for me, so I can’t say for sure.
As I was lost in such trivial thoughts, I noticed that I had been carefully laid to rest in my bedroom.
The room looked just as it had before, which meant my clothes might still be here as well.
With that thought, I headed to the dressing room.
Inside the wardrobe, I found my clothes—meticulously maintained, despite eight years having passed since my death.
There were even a few outfits I didn’t recognize, as if someone had continued buying them.
Who? Why? For what reason?
Leaving a corpse in a bedroom because there’s nowhere else to put it…
Fine, that’s understandable. Keeping a deceased person’s furniture the same—sure, I can let that slide too.
But buying new clothes for them…
“This is seriously creepy.”
Muttering to myself with a blank expression, I rubbed my arms before grabbing a robe and throwing it on.
It was my clothing anyway, so there was no reason to hesitate.
Since things had already turned out this way, I figured I might as well go on a trip—one I had always wanted to take.
To places where no one knew me, places I had never been before.
But I would need clothes for that.
Of course, I didn’t have a bag to pack them in, and time wasn’t exactly on my side.
Given the way my room had been diligently maintained, I had no idea when someone might show up.
The sky was growing brighter, and staying in this room any longer didn’t seem like the best idea.
Regretfully, I had to give up on taking any luggage.
Instead, I quickly rummaged through the room, gathering any valuable jewelry that could be sold.
Just before leaving, I used my abilities one last time and glanced back at the bedroom—a room frozen in time, unchanged from the day I died.
Who had kept it like this?
And what the hell had they been thinking?
Using my abilities sparingly, I made my way out of the duchy’s territory.
Since I couldn’t rely on my abilities all the time, I stopped by a suitable estate to buy a horse.
It was far enough from the Teian Duchy that I could afford to linger for a bit.
Not many jewelry shops were open this early in the morning.
I entered the nearest one and sold off the valuables I had taken.
Holding onto them for too long would only increase the risk of being tracked.
Knowing that, I accepted a slight loss and sold everything at once.
The merchant eyed me with suspicion—it was impossible not to notice—but I had too many other things on my mind to care.
As I accepted several heavy pouches of money, I asked,
“Do you know anyone nearby who sells horses?”
“…A horse? See that inn over there? I heard a guest left one as payment instead of money. You might want to check it out.”
“Thanks.”
Walking around with money pouches in plain sight was out of the question.
Before heading to the inn, I bought a decent bag and stuffed the pouches inside.
Slinging the bag over one shoulder, I made my way toward the inn.
Tied outside was a large horse—one that didn’t match the rundown establishment at all.
It wasn’t of particularly fine lineage, but it also wasn’t something just anyone could afford.
As I stood inspecting the horse, a woman approached.
She had her bangs neatly pushed back with a headband and was tying the strings of her apron.
She glanced at me and spoke in a blunt tone.
“Who are you to be staring at someone else’s horse like that?”
Her words were curt, edged with disinterest. In a slightly tired voice, I replied,
“I heard you’re selling it. Are you the innkeeper?”
At my calm question, she scratched her head before folding her arms and nodding.
“I don’t really know horse prices. How much were you thinking?”
The shift in her tone, now oddly polite after realizing I was a potential customer, was amusing.
Letting out a quiet chuckle, I pulled out the smallest pouch from my bag.
Without a word, I lightly shook it in my hand, as if to say, “Take it.”
The woman accepted it without hesitation.
But when she opened it and saw the gold coins inside, her eyes widened in shock.
Her freckled face, once indifferent, flushed with momentary excitement.
“All of this?”
“Yes.”
“…Hah. Alright, then. You seem like a traveler—are you leaving right away? Or do you want to stop by the inn first? I can at least get you something to eat.”
Even though she claimed not to know the price of a horse, she clearly understood that this was too much.
She turned and walked off without waiting for my answer.
I hesitated for a moment before following at a leisurely pace.
She didn’t ask where I got the money.
She didn’t pry into my personal reasons.
She simply prepared a meal for me.
Despite glancing at me curiously now and then, she remained silent.
And from the way she packed food that would last a long time, I could tell she was quick-witted.
Thanks to her, I didn’t have to spend extra money on travel supplies.
After securing my now-heavy baggage, I mounted the horse.
I gave a small nod to the woman watching me leave and gently nudged the horse’s side.
It moved forward obediently, well-trained and calm.
It had been a long time since I’d ridden, and I worried I might be rusty.
But my body quickly remembered what it had learned.
Skillfully guiding the horse, I thought about my next destination.
“The Enia County.”
A land famous for its beautiful sea.
Of course, I had only heard about it—I had never been there myself.
The wind was sharp against my cool cheeks as I picked up speed.
The force of it pushed my hat back, but since no one was around to see, I didn’t bother fixing it.
Feeling the crisp morning breeze against my face, I smiled.
“This isn’t so bad. Then again, anywhere’s better than that damn castle.”
I had deliberately chosen a town near Enia County.
Another day’s ride, and I would arrive.
Galloping down the empty road, I was struck by a sudden realization.
For the first time, I felt free.
Now that it had come to this, I might as well do everything I had ever wanted.
Visit the places I had dreamed of, eat the food I had craved, and when the money ran out—work as a mercenary, perhaps.
“…Ha. Who would’ve thought I’d live to see a day like this? Life really is unpredictable.”
A dry laugh escaped me before my lips slowly curled downward.
Even after doing everything I wanted, I would still feel ready to die.
Not even my desires could make me want to live.
I firmly believed that a year from now, I would meet my death.
And my expression remained utterly serene.
A god had promised me death.
So, there was no need to struggle toward it.
I could do whatever I wanted in the meantime, and when the day came, I would simply die.
Ironically, knowing my death was guaranteed made life feel brighter.
Before—eight years ago—I had always been terrified that I wouldn’t be able to die.
But now, there was no need for that fear.
A promised death, in a twisted way, made life shine.
* * *
